Self

[Guest Kati]

It seems to me that cross dressing involves a number of selves. Some view it as a self-revelatory experience or a self-fulfiling experience. However, there is a flip side to the selves. Cross dressing can also be a self-absorbing experience or self-indulgent experience. There are times it can be just plain selfish. I wish it wasn't so, but it is. It is so easy to get so wrapped up in self that we don't take into consideration the feelings and needs of others in our lives. We don't really count the cost of Cding. I wish I could put a positive spin on the question of self, but I can't. I still think that selflessness is a virtue. How out-moded is that?

[Drea]

Kati, everyone has self interests. I have seen so many within the community deny it is selfish. I am the sort to accept realities rather than try and deny such because of a bad connotation.

Being selfish can also be seen as taking care of oneself.

It is common when we are kids to be told not to be selfish to share, etc. So it beats into our heads that it is bad. We all need to take care of our needs, our desires etc. So some amount of selfishness is fine. It only becomes a problem when we become so self absorbed or self focused that we aren't there for others and don't find an appropriate balance.

I take it, since you are thinking of this, something about it is bothering you. That in essence says there must be something in you that does care to balance out what you are feeling is selfish.

[Guest Kati]

I suppose I have been troubled by some of the posts I have read here and elsewhere. Cross dressing can be a pleasure, but it does happen in a vacuum. There is inherent in Cding the potential of hurting or disappointing someone dear to me or whose good opinion I greatly value. My post was simply me thinking out loud.

Drea, it was good of you to write. Your kindness is appreciated.

[Charlize]

Kali,

i lived for years feeling as you describe. I believed for most of my life that i was selfish for just being me. If i was honest i would hurt others. What a conundrum that makes! Do i keep lying or get honest about myself. I have come to believe that i have to be myself and try in the process to hurt others as little as possible. I no longer believe that i am selfish for being who i am. The realization has been like dropping a rock and finding truth instead of dishonesty.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Brenda Hailey]

Is their hurt or disappointment worth more than yours ? If so why?

I suppose one could assign a malicious intent on crossdressing to hurt someone ,but how realistic is that really?

You did not choose to be the way you are, but you do choose to hide or lie about it. Dishonesty and Lying carry just as much hurt and disappointment as telling the truth, but in truth you will finally be set free. The cost of freedom paid in full by that decision no matter how hurtful.

Isnt "their" judgement or expectation of you not a selfish indulgement on their part as well?

Striving to live the most honest and truthful life you can is not selfish. You could be depriving them of the best friend they could ever have known, "the real you", or not, but how would they ever know?

Selflessness is a virtue but hiding is not a selfless act.

Brenda Hailey

[Guest Freegrl]

Hi Kati,

Cross-dressing is just a part of myself. I shop as a male for my female, and I enjoy my body much more and while I could go out in public without too much aplomb, but I'm saving that for a special day (dress shopping where the fit matters). I think that cross-dressingg is part of me that I don't need to fight anymore. The mirror reports that I look passable, and I love the challenge of it, and the girl in the mirror is often very cute and seductive. I don't have an SO and want to explore myself before I explore someone else, but if yes, I think that it's normal to have a different sense of selves even for non-CDers.

Is it "self-ish?" I really don't think so. It really depends on if you feel that you're still looking answers or if you've found good answers but are still looking for better ones.

Almost all of my closest loved-ones know that I've done technical x-dressing during Halloween and they consider it an odd hobby among my other odd hobbies. It makes _me_ happy for now to let them know that I'm active again after a decade+ of inactivity. I know I'm really blessed to have such understanding from those that know me best.

Oddly enough, the worst backlash I've had are crippled friendships with three male friends who are gay.

But, I am who I am. I might be selfless and in the next moment selfish, and those who I love and who love me will work it out!

Go for it!

lotsa luv,

-tina