A question for trans females who are not femme mentally and physically

[Guest carolinagirl]

These quest are for for future referance. sorry if they seem invasive or too personal. how hard is it for you to be accepted by the majority of the lgbt comunity ? do you feel like others see masculinity as a compromise for your trans status? are you more on the masculine side or gender neutral?

[Guest Jo-88]

I am probably one of these people you speak of. I have had exhaustive discussions about this in the past on lauras... they usually don't end well. Lets just say the overwhelming majority of society (including the trans community) are convinced that there are pre-defined inherent traits that are masculine (and therefore manly) or are feminine (and therefore lady like). I will challenge this assumption at every turn, gender as we *see* and *define* it is entirely socially constructed and varies severely from culture to culture and through out history. As far as how other people see me and what they feel about me or what the rest of the LGBT community thinks of me I neither know, nor care (I used to, but not anymore).

I am a trans tomboy who both presents and acts in a "masculine" way... but this does not invalidate my status as a trans woman. Just as there are butch natal women who still identify as female/feminine/gender neutral/"insert gender here" there are also butch *trans women. All it boils down to is that I do not feel my physical sex matches my gender identity. Now physical sex is cut and dry except in the case of intersex people or people with chromosomal abnormalities (both extremely rare)... but in genetically healthy human beings there are only two sexes, male and female. However gender is WAAAAY more complicated than that... there is a reason we call it the "gender spectrum".

So for me...

Gender Identity = gender neutral with significant masculine and feminine traits, slightly leaning more towards the feminine.

Gender Presentation = androgynous (now) / stemme (in the future)

Sex = Male (now) / Female (in the future)

The reason I want to change my sex isn't "because I've always known I am a woman trapped in a mans body"... but more "because I don't fit the mold, and who I am would be better represented by a female body... therefore being female would be more natural". Both of these statements are 100% valid... both people would be changing their bodies to better represent their gender identity. The difference is the gender identity itself... one identifies as stereotypical "Woman" and the other identifies as something much more complex, I fall into the latter category.

[Guest carolinagirl]

thank you both for replying . thinking about this reminds me of a few years ago when my mom found out that I am trans. she said but nothing about you says female. (she has forgot about it since whinch is good for the time being) i explained to her that trans people are all different just like cis people .

[Guest Jo-88]

thank you both for replying . thinking about this reminds me of a few years ago when my mom found out that I am trans. she said but nothing about you says female. (she has forgot about it since whinch is good for the time being) i explained to her that trans people are all different just like cis people .

My mother said the same things to me... it simply doesn't matter. You are dead right, trans people are all different just like CIS people... you got it.

[tracy_j]

I know little of the lgbt community here. Although having a relative just come out as gay (no problem) I don't really care either. As has been mentioned before, sexual preference and gender are two different things. Although I can relate very well to the replies above, I think I also relate to society at large better than lgbt community! They just confuse the issue and appear to often just pay lip service to the trans community and related.

[Charlize]

It has taken a good bit of time for me to be accepted fully at a meeting of LGBT folks i visit every week. At first i felt all alone but several years later with the honesty that we strive for in this meeting i am being embraced as a person. They have their own issues with self acceptance and how they are viewed by society. We share that and we share humanity....that joins us all. I happen to be a girl who still loves her tractor, backhoe, dump truck and tools. I don't fit totally into a "feminine" role. I was given and socialized into a role that demanded me to accept my maleness. When i transitioned i was at a loss and felt a bit like i was drifting. Now that i have accepted both i am finally finding the peace that honesty can allow. It is sometimes the hardest thing to be honest with ourselves.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Clair Dufour]

There are gay genders. Very often counter to their sex. The difference is that they prefer their own sex. Both do alot of gender queer cross dressing. Some even pass very well! I have been many gay spaces and had little trouble. Of course if your in a gay space, they assume your gay and you have to accept that. But, you don't have to do it. For the most part, the space is full of just people who have other interests like you beyond sex and gender. The same can be said of the TG community.