Going Public, First Time

[Guest angie]

Jenny,

If or when,you go to a support group...

Reach out and try to make friends or even A friend.

A lot of experienced women are more than willing to share.

They remember what it was like to be where you are now.

If they are there,it is because they want to support other girls.

Do not be a bashful Jane...this is a new start.

Who you are,is not who you were.

Dare to try new things...But above all,Reach Out.

I hope the best for you Jenny and all the girls just starting out.

Luck can be chance,but luck can also be made.

Peace,

Angie.

PS,

And like Jendar said...Believe,I CAN.

Take it to heart...I CAN.

And you will.

Ang.

[Guest Katie-Louise]

Went out again this man starred at me and I thought he sussed me out he didn't say anything so I carried on walking. When people stare it gets me really nervous and fustrated for some reason it also gets me worried because your suspicious why. It went well again I like going in public now and I'm adapting a bit more instead of hiding which is such a relief. my confidence is getting more and more now although sometimes i slip back into depression. now I just have to get my new flat so I don't have to put clothes and act like somebody else everytime I see them so annoying I just wanna be me without those sorta people

[Guest Zenda]

Katie Louise,

Males look at females all the time and the stage you are at you feel really self conscious it's only natural we've all been there but after a while it get easier and self conscious becomes self confidence.

Princecharmless mentioned about contacting your local Citizen's Advice Bureau...I mentioned before that I work for them here in NZ...I'm sure they will help organise your accomodation and social welfare...It's what we are there for...non judgmental-confidential-impartial and most important GOOD ADVICE...and if we don't have the information you need we will find soneone that does... "IF THERE'S ADVICE YOU NEED TO GRAB...WHY NOT TRY YOUR LOCAL C.A.B !" [Hey I'm a poet and I know it !] That's what we are there for.

Metta Jendar

[Guest KymberliTS]

Hey Katie , this is Kymberli. When ever you decide to go out in public for the 1st time, just remember, there's nothing to be nervous about. Yes I know you're thinking, well I wonder how other people are gonna see me. The thing here is that if you can show self confidence, and just handle yourself like any other female your age, you'll do just fine. Don't worry about what other people think of you. Just go about your business with confidence, and you'll be fine, ok

[Guest Just_Call_Me_Nick]

Went out again this man starred at me and I thought he sussed me out he didn't say anything so I carried on walking. When people stare it gets me really nervous and fustrated for some reason it also gets me worried because your suspicious why. It went well again I like going in public now and I'm adapting a bit more instead of hiding which is such a relief. my confidence is getting more and more now although sometimes i slip back into depression. now I just have to get my new flat so I don't have to put clothes and act like somebody else everytime I see them so annoying I just wanna be me without those sorta people

I hear your confidence is building....great job!

And getting a new flat sounds like a plan indeed....

Nick~

[Guest SilverArrow]

It's nice to see people taking their first steps into a larger world! I'm making plans for my first outing, a friend of mine is coming with me to a bar, and to make things fun she's crossdressing in male duds so if I fail horribly I won't be the only one getting looks. Although we're heading to a CD bar in Toronto so I'll only really be nervous about passing when we're outside.

How's it feel being a woman in public? I guess I should try and act the part while I'm out. I'll post pics of my outfit when I get some taken

[Guest SilverArrow]

No edit button..hrm. Anywho, just wanted to throw up a few pics of what I'll be wearing out (haven't set a specific day, but it will be within a few weeks):

Hope it's not too *ehem* inappropriate for here, I don't think it is. Sorry Katie for stealing your thread!

[Guest Jean Marie]

My first time out in public fully enfemme, and I am sure this is true for most other girls well in one word was scary as hell, But very quickly, most of my fears and preconceived notions evaporated. ONe thing I can promise is it gets easier each time until you at some point feel natural and wonder what all the fuss was about. One tip is to realisticly look at your self and try and dress in a way the will mirror A woman your own age and build. Try to dress to blend in as a woman if you wish to get along well in public. One of the best places togo enfemme is to your local CD/Tg suppport groups meetings where you wil;l be almong others who are just like you. Jean Marie

[Guest Isobelle Fox]

I've never been out of the house fully dressed. But I have, gradually, over the last few months become substantially more obvious, you could say. ::laughs::

This weekend was probably the biggest step in that direction I've taken. I imagine most people here would not consider my public appearance this weekend to be any big deal, but to me it was. I suppose the best way to put it would be that while clearly not female, I clearly have extremely feminine leanings. ::laughs::

I am still very nervous about things and still don't have a lot of confidence. I live in a relatively small town, and I think it genuinely is not a good place to be either openly gay or otherly gendered, so I have what I consider to be practical fears as well. But I have got to live and got to get over myself, and I can't move right now, so I am looking for a comfortable compromise and slowly finding it.

This weekend I was really, really scared to go out in public dressed like I was, but I managed, and when it was all over, I thought it was funny. Actually, when I am in a good place, in a good mood, I tend to find most things about being a transsexual funny. I mean that in a good way, you know. It just feels like a darkly ironic joke on me sometimes. But anyway, no one said anything, no one looked at me, and when I went to a store and checked out, the woman at the register was very nice and very polite to me. And no one called me sir. : P

I find that these days I want very badly to push back at my fears. I want to do these things that I feel I should be allowed to do, and the more they scare me, the more I want to do them. Because all too often I find I only have to face the fears ONCE. After that, I might still be a little nervous, but I am the master of the fear and not the other way around. So, one more step in the process for me, and even if it was a small one, it leads to the next step.

One of these days, when I live in a place where I am more comfortable, I will have had the time to adjust, find myself, and conquer the fears, and I'll be glad for having taken the little steps while I could.

Oh, and this is just a semi-related foot note, but its wonderful none the less:

I have a friend that I have known and made music with for well over ten years now. When I told him how I really felt, he just totally went with it and calls me Isobelle and everything like nothing ever changed. That itself was pretty amazing and welcome. He lives in another town, and we dont get to see each other very often. Well, last time I saw him, which was a few weeks ago, he complimented me on my style. He said, "I like your look." It was nice, because it was not just an acknowledgement, but was also sincere.

Anyway, he called me this weekend and said he was sending me a gift. He's been out of town for work for a while, and we haven't talked in a couple of weeks. I asked him what it was, because he said he wanted me to have it before my live show this friday and that made me curious. I figured it was some kind of noise making gadget or something. But it turns out he found a shirt he wanted me to have. He said he thought it was pretty and very feminine and that I would look good in it. I think the implication was that he hoped I would wear it for the show, which I certainly will if it arrives in time.

That made me feel wonderful, beyond words.

Anyway, I'll shut up now. ::laughs:

Be safe and be happy, everyone.

[Guest JoAnnDallas]

I started going out in the public back in 2005. I started first just going out to the mail box, then a walk around the house, then a couple of dress-in-drives. Then it was stop and fillup the car with gasoline. One night I was at my fav gasoline station, filling up the SUV, when I decided to go into the station store and buy a bottle of water. So after I finished filling up the SUV, I got my purse out, locked the SUV, walked into the store, got my water, paid for it and got my very first, "Have a nice evening MAM". Then in 2006 I attended HEF2006 which was held here in Dallas. From this I joined Tri-Ess and meet some of the best girl friends a CD could have. Now my wife knows and has accepted me as a CDer. Twice now she has let me go with her out shopping and with me fully dressed.

Going out requires "Baby Steps". But I can tell you that once you go out the first time, it become addictive and you will be going out more and more. Also you will find that your makeup gets better too, since you will be practicing it more and more. At one of my Tri-Ess meetings, we dicused what is required for a sister to go out. What we came up with is four steps.

1. Dress to blend in - This makes you less noticable to the crowd around you.

2. Act like you belong where your at. - Don't act nervious, act normal.

3. Act like you have done this all your life - Yes this is different to Step 2.

4. Smile at anyone that stares at you. - Most people that you find staring at you will many times look away if they see you smiling at them.

We also came up with a PASSING guide.

1. If you go out and nothing happens - YOU PASSED

2. If you go out and someone reads you but does nothing about it - YOU PASSED Note: You will not know anyway

3. If you go out and someone reads you and either winks or smiles at you, but does nothing else - YOU PASSED

It is our collective opion that most people will leave you alone and will respect the gender you are presenting, even if they do read you, as long as you present yourself as a woman and do nothing to embarrest yourself or them.

[Guest BrittaneyJ]

I too am going public for the first time on october 25th and am totally terrified about what it is going to be like, cuz i am going to this huge party/dance/rave in LA. I wish I knew some people that were going so I wouldn't be so alone. This is scarey.

[Guest Sofiadragon]

My first day out was on halloween last year, I was so nervous about it but when I steped outside in this cute little skirt & top combo I felt like I was what I was supposed to be for once, my wife & I headed for the Dallas Zoo & had alot of fun. Then we went to a mall that was nearby & walked around there for a while & the thing that tickles me the most was that one of the shop employees asked us a question & refered to us as ladies I was extatic to say the least. The next time that I am going to be going out is to my upcomming suprt group meeting out here in Cleveland OH & I am so happy about it 'cause there are people there that respect & understand me just like on here.

[Guest amie]

On your first coupla times I suggest goin' somewhere with heavy foot traffic and keep moving. I thought about this kinda breifly the the first time I went out all perteed up and you've made me think about it yet again. I suggest this reflecting on my experience, yu see? I was doin' great until I got the dumbdideedumb idea to go sit in a Jolly Pirate to have some coffee. The place was relatively full and I got no contempuous looks save those from a couple in another booth that kept staring and laughin'. That was well enough to make me gunshy for a good spell before goin' out like that again-and there's only been a small handful of ocassions since. This constant roving dealio will help yu ease your way into it, yu know? Go make it happen. Lotza luck!

[Guest Sofiadragon]

It's nice to see people taking their first steps into a larger world! I'm making plans for my first outing, a friend of mine is coming with me to a bar, and to make things fun she's crossdressing in male duds so if I fail horribly I won't be the only one getting looks. Although we're heading to a CD bar in Toronto so I'll only really be nervous about passing when we're outside.

How's it feel being a woman in public? I guess I should try and act the part while I'm out. I'll post pics of my outfit when I get some taken

I think that you look Gosh darned good & sexy as well honestly I thought that, that was a pic of a woman @ first so in my mind you passed I hope that I can look that good as well when I go out next time.

[Sally]

My first time out was a long time coming, I had been dressing at home in my teens, whenever my parents and sister were out, and continued in my apartments for the next 30 plus without ever stepping outside or being caught. I was the only one that ever saw me dressed. so a little past my mid-fifties I had started going to a therapist who told me that her office was a safe place to dress. I took a skirt with me to the next session and changed in the inner office, this was the first time that any one had seen me in a skirt.

For the next session, I put on a brown skirt with an ecru shell, pantyhose, high heel sandals, full make up and jewelry, with all of my money and documents in my purse. I had very long hair so I just pulled it back into a ponytail and left some bangs (I have a very uneven hairline). I was ready to drive the 50 miles through heavy traffic to my therapist's office. I was really nervous as my garage door opened, but no one was standing outside staring at me so I drove to the therapist's office. Once there I had to traverse the cobblestone sidewalks, through the central lobby and into her outer office. I was early so I had to sit and wait, she shares the outer office with another therapist and a lady came in and sat down, she didn't seem to notice me.

We had a great session and as I left through the crowded lobby the Fed-Ex man (carrying a package) held the door for me. I felt great - if any one clocked me they didn't care so I felt like I had passed. I go to all of my therapy sessions dressed as well as to my Electrolosist. I am not small or young or really great looking - I am confident when I go out, I don't look for people to make eye contact with, but I don't avoid it. I'm well over 6 feet tall and at present over 300 pounds and no one cares.

Remember every woman on the street doesn't look like a movie star. Look around you - women have a lot of different looks. Dress appropriately for your planned activity (and your age) and go and do what you started out to do, be confident and relax - being nervous is as much atip off as not shaving.

Sally

[Guest Daru]

My first time out was at an anime convention. I borrowed some of my girlfriend's clothes, and wore a pin that said, "Will Yaoi for Free"

I was asked by some fat guy... I declined =p

It was a lot of fun, some of my real life friends saw me too, they laughed at me but so what! It's an anime convention act crazy!

As for going out in "public" dressed, the furthest I've gone outside of my car is the mail box... nervousness!

The furthest I've gone inside my car is about 5 miles round trip, lol...

[Guest Rayne]

I went public for the first time a couple months ago. My wife was with me and we played it safe. We went book shopping for about half an hour. Not very long, but long enough to know that no one noticed me as a woman.

Dress like the women do in your area - don't be a zebra amoung horses if you will - and act like you belong there. If you're scared people will pick up on it.

[Guest Nelly]

Hi,

the USA has Halloween, in europe Carneval is more comen to use costumes. My wife told me that we are invited to a party. Everbody must come in costumes. So I get the idea to go out for the first time in female clothing. For me it would be great to see how it feel to go out as a woman. But there is a big BUT. It is a party of some people from the work of my wife. I do not know if this is the right audience to do it? Carneval is also more funny. So you can not dress up as a perfect woman. You have to dress up as a comic version a over driven version of a woman. I mean really big faked boobs, shorts skirt strange hair and lip stics in realy strange colors.

So is it the right moment to do it first time in public?

Greetings

Nelly

[Guest Christy.dancer]

Many southern U.S. cities, like New Orleans, have a tradition of Mardi Gras. It's pretty much the same as carnival. I've never been, but it's supposed to be a pretty wild affair, and yes costumes are the order of the day, and yes it's one of those times when someone who's obviously male can get away with dressing up like a woman.

IMHO, that really isn't going public for the first time, any more than the Luke Skywalker outfit I wore for halloween last year made me a real live Jedi. (yeah, cheesy.... plus I should have gone as Princess Leia, but I wasn't "out" yet). My first "out in public" was to a shopping mall with my bff Becca over the Christmas holidays. She was not only my cohort in crime, she also served as fashion consultant and makeup artist. It was a total non-event -- we shopped like two girls and no one said a word. Since that time, I'm pretty much going out constantly as a girl, reserving semi-boy dress (like half-and-half) for school even though everyone at school pretty much knows my situation now. (I'm keeping it "toned down" at the request of the principal).

[Guest Emily1]

(I'm keeping it "toned down" at the request of the principal).

Meh, I hate principals right now - mine said I might be able to wear a skirt, and probably wont be able to wear my chest

[Guest Sashel Trace]

I first went out in public in October at college. I dressed up and everything and looked decently girly I suppose. Amazingly enough EVERYONE recognized me! It was just a bit amazing. Amazing, yeah...perhaps its because I'm 6'2". It happened that I ran into one of my soon-to-be friends who recognized me. She said that it was totally cool and that she would beat the crap out of anyone who made fun of me, which was rather amusing since shes...smaller than me.

I figured it would get better and my nervousness would wear off, but three hours later it didn't and I had to go back to my dorm room and change. I just about passed out after that and had a mental breakdown in the morning. Not sure why...

Later in my Human Sexuality class when we came to the part about transsexualism , I shared my experiences with everyone and they were rather supportive...amazingly supportive. Actually, by the end of the semester everyone on campus was calling me by my chosen name. A rather interesting turn of events.

Btw, it seems that Wolfe, my Human Sexuality teacher, was correct. I wasn't the only trans person in Wyoming XD. I actually used to live in Sheridan, Rayne.

[Guest Little Sara]

My first time in public was in April 2006, going to shop at the mall with a friend. I needed some more pants and stuff. I ended up buying two pairs of jeans and a t-shirt (all women's of course). I tried it on, no one said a thing. Then went to pierce my ears.

It was a rather short trip though.

The "real" first time was going in public in warmer weather (ie no winter coat, in May) and being clocked as well...weird (flat-chested girl but not quite).

[Guest DeniseNM]

Well just wanted to put in something that I learned a long time ago that may help some of us as this thread has always been about going out in public. I haven't gone completely out in public but have gone out in my boots (with the 2" heels) and my jeans and nails done. Yes I have gotten some looks and even a couple of questions. Now here is what I learned long ago (back in 1995 during my first year of recovery for eating disorder and alcoholism), there will always be someone who has a problem with who we are or what we are wearing or whatever and that is okay because that is their problem, BUT (yes that was intentional with the caps ) that does not mean that you have to make it your problem. That is what we have a tendency to do (at least I use to). So ladies (and even you gentleman that are nervous about it too) let the other people out there have their problem just don't take it from them when they offer it to you, just smile and tell them "no thanks" .

Denise