Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I never thought I would make it to this point


megandb

Recommended Posts

After getting up at 3am this morning to drive my truck a couple hundred miles to get rid of my load on time and getting off work till sunday morning, I was sitting here and I relized what day it is and started thinking (I know I know, me thinking is a dangerous thing, it can get expensive lol) as of today I am 8 months sober!!!! until now from the time I reached legal drinking age the longest period sober I had was 10 days. Im still taking it one day at a time but its getting eaiser, however sometimes the urge to drink is bloody strong, like when I am hooked to a trailer loaded with 45,000 lbs of beer or when im in my favorate bar, however one of the owners of the bar is a recovering alcholic herself has her bartenders trained, I come in and no mater what I order I get Coke, Mountian Dew, or Ginger beer, or tonight when I know I have two full days left before I have to go back to work. I am still fighting it but I seem to be winning. I did celebrate a bit tonight, got me a 4 pack of good rootbeer.

Thanks

Megan Jessica

Link to comment
  • Admin

Congratulations Megan!!! It is wonderful to hear that you have supportive resources even in a bar where it can be next to impossible to keep clean, especially if you are under stress. Eight months is highly significant and you are doing very well to have gotten here. By now though you are getting in stride with sobriety and it will get more automatic to respond to the "stinkin drinkin thinkin" with an option that keeps you sober and above all else, HAPPY. My favorite if I am around a bunch of drinking folks is Tonic Water with a lime twist, but the Rootbeer or Ginger Beer are in my short list too. I can already hear some of the others saying to avoid bars altogether and I do agree to a point with them. With a good friend there though who knows the ropes I can understand the story and will wish you another happy many days at a time.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well done Megan. Keep it up. I learned early on to fill my glass if i was somewhere folks were drinking. I went for the hard stuff but always added some rocks. Coke and not the diet stuff either. I have to use ice, just love the tinkle. I normally avoid bars. They do still scare me and i've some time under my belt. When the urge hits hard i'm sure you know to look for a meeting. I have a sponsee who was a trucker for most of his life. Bottle of Jack by his side.

Sobriety is a miracle and i'm glad you are enjoying it.

Hugs,

Charlie

Link to comment
Megan, it's wonderful that you have people in your life who want to see you be victorious. Congrations on your sobriety. With each passing day count it as another victory.
Link to comment
Guest actuarylilium

Congratulations Megan, I'm really pleased for you! Keep up the good work :)

I'm a teetotal myself, I just preferred the taste of Coke or Water when I first trying out stuff, then decided a couple of years that I didn't really like anything so just decided to be teetotal. Also, I was put off by some of the stories of antics that people get up to when drunk (including my best friend at our prom), and by my Mum's behaviour when drunk (shouts and argues with everyone at home for hours). I love my Mum so much, but she is a total alcoholic, and I am concerned about her future health (given what I've heard about liver damage, I'm surprised her liver is still functioning).

What persuaded me to become teetotal though was a couple of years ago when I was really in the midst of depression (I may not be 100% now, but I'm feeling miles better than I was then). For whatever reason, I decided it would be a really good idea to get totally drunk once, just to see what it was like. The next morning, I felt so ill and ashamed with myself that I decided to never drink again. Since I rarely drank anyway, it wasn't hard.

I don't like bars either, it's too loud and busy for me. I prefer my own space, and peace and quiet (why do shops have to play music in the background!?). I don't mind going to bars with my friends though, because I only drink Coke/Water and they're a sensible bunch, they don't get themselves drunk or get up to anything stupid.

Anyway hope the run keeps going, you should feel really proud of yourself for getting this far! :)

Lots of Love, Lily xxx

Link to comment

That's great seems like I cant go more than one day without getting obliterated drunk on one hand I want to be sober but on the other I don't want to be because I know it will be sooooo long until I can afford the srs and be who I truly know I am. And the drinking just delays it because of how expensive it is I feel truly trapped.

Link to comment
  • Admin

That's great seems like I cant go more than one day without getting obliterated drunk on one hand I want to be sober but on the other I don't want to be because I know it will be sooooo long until I can afford the srs and be who I truly know I am. And the drinking just delays it because of how expensive it is I feel truly trapped.

Christine, come on into Chat on Sunday nights at 9PM eastern time. 7PM your time I think. We have a Trans* AA / NA chat in the Substance Abuse AA/NA room where its a wild bunch of Trans* addicts who discuss our addictions and our lives as Trans* and how they go together. Its usually about an hour and a half, and we have had some successes on both angles of our trip. I say wild bunch, because we can be humorous, but someone using or hurting grabs our attention and meeting focus if needed. We would love to have you there.

Link to comment
Guest Brenda Hailey

Way to go Megan keep up the great work,you are doing awesome 8 months is a pretty good haul and a lot more rewarding than 45,000 pounds of swill. 1 year is just around the corner,you can definitely make it if you made it this far.

That's great seems like I cant go more than one day without getting obliterated drunk on one hand I want to be sober but on the other I don't want to be because I know it will be sooooo long until I can afford the srs and be who I truly know I am. And the drinking just delays it because of how expensive it is I feel truly trapped.

Christine I can tell you from experience that drinking because you cant afford "srs" is one of if not the biggest reasons you cant afford srs.

During my drinking career I could have had srs several times over with all the booze and trouble that I ended up paying for. All those drinks and run ins with the law really added up rather quickly, not to mention the poor decisions I was making in every other aspect of my life,lost jobs,cars houses, and anything else you can imagine all exact their toll.

There is a way out of the trap though. Being sober can and will change how you view yourself and will allow you to see the reality of what is possible if you set your sober mind to it.

Living with the regret of never being yourself will be harder than quitting drinking and living a new life that is truly meant to be.

There are so many other aspects of living a transgender life that dont have to specifically revolve around getting srs, While you are soberly working towards that there are many more things in transition that can be worked on and accomplished before a surgery.

As Vicky mentioned there is a AA chat meeting on Sunday, it helps to talk with other people who have been where you are,there is hope and a way out of your situation if you will give yourself a chance. Give it a try,,,,you never know something good can happen,and the only thing being delayed is that next drink.

Brenda Hailey

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Christine,

I remember being right where you are. I blacked out every day and just hoped for death to relieve me of the pain. With help i was given a path out of the hole. More than sobriety came. I transitioned after getting sober with support from straight people in the rooms of AA. Please join us on Sunday.

You are not alone.

Hugs from a trans alcoholic,

Charlie

Link to comment

I can attest to how cool the Sunday group is and highly recommend it. It's kept me sober for several years. A lot of fun too. My apologizes to the regulars for my recent absences. life on life's terms has had me spinning lately.... Most of it is good this time! If we remember that everything changes we can get through the bad and appreciate the good while it is here :-)

Michelle

Link to comment

That's great seems like I cant go more than one day without getting obliterated drunk on one hand I want to be sober but on the other I don't want to be because I know it will be sooooo long until I can afford the srs and be who I truly know I am. And the drinking just delays it because of how expensive it is I feel truly trapped.

Christine, come on into Chat on Sunday nights at 9PM eastern time. 7PM your time I think. We have a Trans* AA / NA chat in the Substance Abuse AA/NA room where its a wild bunch of Trans* addicts who discuss our addictions and our lives as Trans* and how they go together. Its usually about an hour and a half, and we have had some successes on both angles of our trip. I say wild bunch, because we can be humorous, but someone using or hurting grabs our attention and meeting focus if needed. We would love to have you there.

How does the Sunday group work do you type what you say or do you talk through a headset? I have a roommate/ best friend who I share a wall with and I can't let him know I really am until I can afford my own place I feel like that's best because then if he rejects it I don't have to live with him and feel awkward in my own place of residence. I would love to talk with some people who share my same problem and I don't mean conventional aa I doubt any of them are trans. I feel completely alone all the time I try drinking but if feels like that just makes everything worse I try to use it as an escape route but it makes me feel like my trans condition is all that I can think about so I just drink more and more. It's not just alcohol any psychoactive substance I've been able to get my hands on in the past I've pretty much been addicted to at some point. please just let me know if I can type what I have to say or if I need a microphone because even though I'm pretty sure my friend knows I don't want to remove all doubt until I have my own place because then it won't matter. I love you guys and I appreciate your support. As soon as I move out I'm going to go full time god I can't wait only two more months and then I don't care anymore I'll be free. I recently ordered a couple wigs and it's going to be a real challenge to not wear them 24/7 but I don't want to make things anymore awkward where I live than they already are.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

The Sunday group functions like chat at Laura's. It all takes place by typing. We are all folks at various points of transition or who have gender issues.

Sometimes there are many of us and at others just a few. Many of us are alcoholics or addicts who have found a path to sobriety that we hope to share with others. If you have a problem or think you might join us. We have fun but are serious about our sobriety and have some inside knowledge about the pain of addiction.

The meeting is at 9:00 EST. on chat in the Substance abuse room. Chat takes a separate registration if you haven't been there.

Until then,

Hugs,

Charlize

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...
Guest Ashleyjay

Absolutely fantastic to hear.It does get better believe me.I was a yr sober on 7th march,after spending 6 months in a rehab.

Ive never felt so good in my life,no lie...You have got to want sobriety more than anything.Well done.After all who wants to drink poison((((.Not me,I'm through with it.Never look back.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 186 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      769.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,085
    • Most Online
      8,356

    blakethetiredracc00n
    Newest Member
    blakethetiredracc00n
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. FullyHart
      FullyHart
    2. MariPosa
      MariPosa
      (65 years old)
    3. pechenezhka
      pechenezhka
      (17 years old)
    4. Rubycd
      Rubycd
      (59 years old)
    5. Yana
      Yana
      (31 years old)
  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      He has also vowed to NOT ACCEPT the election results even if they  clearly show he lost.
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://watermarkonline.com/2024/05/13/trump-vows-to-reverse-transgender-student-protections-on-day-one/     Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-politics-and-policy/mississippi-reeves-transgender-bathroom-ban-public-schools-rcna152036     As in every such case, who will check birth certificates at the restroom doors?  This law will not, and can not, stand.  We'll see you in court, governor.   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      I've been looking forward to the legitimate medical groups coming out strongly against Cass' biased and one sided report, so I'm really glad to see the article you posted, @Davie.  Unfortunately, it won't get nearly the coverage that Cass has gotten.  She has done her dirty work.  Hopefully the pushback and investigative reports on her and her support network will result in her work being shown for what it is.  She is a fraud, and sooner or later all frauds are found out.   Carolyn Marie
    • KayC
      CONGRATULATIONS, Jessica!!  That's really BIG! I myself did not experience a huge emotional roller coaster.  It was more like a smooth slide into emotional comfort.  The biggest effect I felt is when my Dr put me on T-blockers first.  I felt a bit 'empty' for a couple of months, but then realized it was just because the 'T-monster' was no longer running around inside of me.  Then I felt it was my new 'normal'. I feel like the estradiol was the 'frosting' on my transition affirmation.  It's been only positives.  I do cry a lot more, but it's only because I finally feel free to allow my emotions to come out.  To me it's not 'hormonal' ... it's FREEDOM!   Everybody is different but it sounds like you are under great care.  I hope you have a beautiful first year in transition on HRT (keep us updated if you can).
    • Desert Fox
      Yeah, whatever happened to “good morning”?  I think “hey you” can also work to address people without offense…”you” can be single or plural so that works for any gender, non binary, or any group of people, and can be pleasantly offensive or neutral.   And I am very familiar with the experience of being “ma’amed” while in boy mode, particularly on the phone by customer support people located outside north America for some reason. 
    • KayC
      I'm hoping this election cycle might finally cause 'that' party to pay a price for such nonsense.
    • Desert Fox
      So nice to hear things are going well for you. Support is huge and that is especially great when it comes from your SO as well as your family and son. I think being happy with one’s own life’s direction can set the stage for not only other successes but attract others who are in alignment with one’s own ideals. it sounds like you are definitely on a positive trajectory!
    • Desert Fox
      There is some progress being made, some positive awakening from those who understand the difference between biology and the societal roles and rules that have been created by humans to separate, restrict and control other humans. Unfortunately so many people are still set in one way of thinking about gender, whether it benefits them directly to do so or they just fail to think about things for themselves for whatever reason, and they often cite religious or other historical sources to try to back up their argument, sources which typically could be open to various interpretations.   Pushing boundaries is what makes progress and it’s what we are meant to do…but most everyone that has pushed a boundary also gets pushback. Most everyone who has disagreed with conventional thought is called a fool or worse; those who invent something get ridiculed and laughed out, then their ideas are stolen for someone else’s profit. We suffer tremendously to push boundaries but ultimately it’s what society needs to evolve.
    • Ashley0616
      Goodness! You sure have been busy! That's really crappy of what your oldest pulled. That part about the talking about getting asked if it's an enhancement was funny. I guess your boss is going to miss you and just has a funny way of showing it? 
    • Desert Fox
      I read this thread with great interest…thank you, Sally for sharing your life in this detail. As I too identify as bigender, I suppose I am also looking for validation of my experience because I don’t know many transgender individuals that stay in a long-term part-time situation. For most, bigender seems to be a temporary step to fill-time transition or it is more of something someone puts on, as in cross dressing or drag. I have always struggled to explain how someone could legitimately have two identities sharing one body, yet that’s basically how it has been for me for my whole life, all the way back to early childhood.    You and I are roughly in the same era, and growing up with gender variance was different than it is nowadays. Some of our experiences were similar, but generally your life went quite differently than mine.   Back in the day, a part-time person was called a transvestite and a full-timer was called a transsexual (often committing to bottom surgery as well), but I’ve really come to dislike the cross dresser/transvestite label because it tends to be associated with those who are fine with being cis, but like to dress in drag for fun or fetish. And that doesn’t describe all part-timers. I would say that I’m actually a transsexual who chose never to transition, and presenting female part-time is how I have coped with lifelong gender dysphoria. I don’t like myself being male, and never did, I simply accept that I am and have lived most of my life that way and just don’t care to put in the effort and money to transition.  I’m naturally a pretty girly male but I have to add hair, makeup and clothing to present female and I also try to “tone down” my girliness in male form. True androgyny never worked for me; I always switched between male and female looks, but at least that allowed me to use public bathrooms without issue.     I’m very curious - did you have a set of people, ie friends, family, coworkers, who only knew you as “male” and another set who knew you as Sally, with only a few (like your wife) knowing both sides? Such was more or less the case with me. 
    • mattie22
      I feel like a fake sometimes I am not really transfeminine WELL UNDER THEAT UMBRALA but whatever i call it. Like i do not deserve it others know ealer than me and did not identify as their gender at birth well It is more like just enough of me did to get by growing up and there were not many other options on what else i could be and when i got older i just found out about the standard trans people feel like they're born in the wrong body and i saw my self as a male so this could not be me even though it did not comply fit me. even though there is a part of me that likes to be seen and treated like a woman and ideally would probably like to live at least 70 percent of my time as one and perhaps the rest as male but what does this make a freak. also, I am around people who do not like people like me and they are family and do not know. this makes me feel even worse. Sometimes I wonder if I m just some gnc male, who is just using this as an escape if I become a woman for real I do not have to deal with all the crap that comes with being a feminine bisexual male. There are so many layers.
    • MaeBe
      I bet you looked every pennies worth of that million! I'm sure, even beyond the courtier's interactions it was a very fun evening.
    • MaeBe
      I haven't been posting much, it's been a bit of a whirlwind: My wife took a job in WA State, meaning we're moving halfway across the country by the end of the Summer. I was told "it would be good if you had a new job by the end of the month", meaning I'm getting laid off at the same time. My eldest snuck booze while we were at our friends' house, had a bad interaction with his anti-depressants, and then had the huevos to lie that he wasn't drunk while accusing us of not trusting him. There's been a lot to process lately.   That said, I got called ma'am for the first time today while out. Twice! I can't stop thinking about it. Later, my dad showed up without plan to watch the Liverpool match and I was way more girled up (see ma'am) than he's ever seen me; hair, makeup, tight top, skinny jeans, and brand new sandals. At one point he pointed at my boob and asked, "is that 'enhancement'?". If you call a t-shirt bra enhancement, I guess? "Nope, that's just me!". Later, my boss came at me all passive-aggressive via chat after hours, too. I'm kind of tired with his -crap-. I won't have a job in two weeks, so it's cool to just assume I'm sabotaging things? K. /eyeroll   It's been an interesting day.
    • Sally Stone
      Post 12   “First Kiss”   It was October 29th, 2003.  My dear friend Willa had purchased tickets for the two of us to attend “Red Hot Halloween,” a public Halloween party held at the Sanctuary in downtown Pittsburgh.  The event was a fund raiser benefitting the Pittsburgh AIDS Task Force.  It was a great cause but it was also the perfect opportunity to let the adventurous side of my feminine persona have a little fun.    My first question to Willa was: “What should I wear?”    “Are you kidding?” She responded.  “This is your opportunity to be the Sally of your dreams.  I suggest you dress to impress.”   My first thought was to dress naughty.  It was Halloween, so it could be the perfect venue for something with an erotic edge to it.  I thought about going as a dominatrix or a naughty French maid.  After we talked about it, and weighed the pros and cons, Willa and I decided against naughty, and instead, chose to wear the fanciest evening gowns we could find.  Willa bought an expensive, silver sequined gown, and matching high-heels just for the event.  Me, on the other hand, I couldn’t justify spending big bucks on an evening gown for a single event, so I took a less expensive route.  It is amazing what you can find on the sale racks at big department stores when you look hard enough.  For a mere 30-dollars, I found a black, sleeveless column gown with matching bolero jacket.  The dress had a slit up the right leg, and it went all the way to my upper thigh, very sexy.  Being a column dress, it was form-fitting, and hugged my curves like a glove.  To complement my dress, I wore black patent high-heel pumps, a long blonde wig, and a set of long red fingernails.  As I recall, it took me three-hours just to do my makeup.  The end result, though, was worth the effort, because I felt like a million bucks.  It’s so obvious, why girls love dressing up – it’s an unbelievable high!   Inside the club it was a sea of bodies and the costumes were amazing.  At one point, I was standing on a balcony that overlooked the dance floor.  I was nursing a cocktail and watching the crowd.  Suddenly, there was a gentleman standing next to me; I didn’t notice his approach.  He told me I looked fabulous and he offered to buy me another drink.  I declined his drink offer, but we struck up a conversation.  Being a little slow, it took me a while to realize he was hitting on me. I never imagined anyone would ever actually be attracted to Sally, which I think contributed to my cluelessness.  So, I was shocked, and initially, a little creeped out as well.  After all, I wasn't into guys, and this was new to me.  As we continued talking, and he kept throwing accolades my way, I went from being uncomfortable to actually being flattered.    The event, being an AIDS fund raiser, had me assuming this guy was hitting on me because he was gay, and he thought I was, as well.  I wanted to set the record straight, so I casually mentioned that I wasn’t gay.  To my amazement, he responded by saying: “neither am I.”  Okay, now what was I supposed to do?  I didn’t want to be rude, but I didn’t want to send the wrong message either.  While I was trying to decide how to tell him I wasn’t interested, he asked if he could kiss me.  Not sure what I was thinking at that moment, I said “okay.”  He kissed me, and as strange as it was, I gave into it, not pulling away or disengaging.  It wasn’t a super passionate kiss, but it was more than a friendly peck on the lips, and I actually enjoyed it.  When we separated; however, I got the sense his passion had cooled.  I could only assume that my response to his kiss sent some kind of message that I wasn’t interested.    Whatever it was he picked up on, it let me off the hook, and I didn’t have to rebuff any further advances.  For this I was grateful, but at the same time, I was actually a little disappointed.  Clearly, I wasn’t going to lead him on, but it was so gratifying to know I had sparked his interest.  Despite his diminished passion, and his obvious realization I wasn’t going to be his girl, he remained the perfect gentleman.  We chatted for a few minutes more, then he gave me the nicest smile.  Again, he commented on how terrific I looked.  Then he added, “maybe I’ll see you later.”    It was hard for me to reconcile how I could have garnered the attention of a man.  In my mind’s eye, I knew my feminine presentation didn’t completely mask my birth sex, so why would a self-proclaimed straight guy actually be interested in me?  Had it been the only time something like this would happen, I would have chalked it up to random chance.  But it wouldn’t be the last time a man would hit on me.  It doesn’t happen often, but it still occurs more than I would have guessed, and I'm always surprised.    I have never asked, but I have always been curious to know my would-be suitor’s motivations.  Were they hitting on me simply because they happened to be fond of trans women, or was their attraction triggered by connecting with my inner woman?  And, however unlikely, did they mistake me for a cis woman?  I guess it really doesn’t matter much one way or the other, because ultimately, I’m not looking for any kind of a relationship.  However, I’d be fibbing if I said I wasn’t at least a little interested in another opportunity to get kissed.   Hugs,   Sally
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...