Possibly a controversial subject... [social transitioning regrets]

[Guest Astro-Zombie]

I'm still very new to these forums, so I'm sorry if I'm posting in the wrong place.

I haven't written an introduction either - oops!

Anyway...

I'm afraid to come out for fears of regretting it.

I'm only 14, but I've been having issues for a good while now. I'm afraid that if I come out, and then it really WAS 'just a phase' - which I'm sure has happened, but I'm sure it's not too common - I'll look like a fool.

I find it hard to talk about feelings. It'd be even worse retracting them, and looking like an idiot.

It's coming up to the summer period where I live, and I'm just feeling as if now would be a good time to come out, if I ever do at all.

So... does anyone know the rate of... regretting transitioning? Especially at a young age.

An online friend of mine came out as a trans boy a good few months ago. Last week, they were admitted to a mental facility for something else and then they were released yesterday. They posted a FaceBook update saying that they'd just been confused and they're really a 'cis, lesbian feminine female'.

I didn't have any doubts before I googled 'transgender regret statistics'... now, I'm doubting myself a heck of a lot.

I'm a teenager, of course it's normal to be confused, but I'm so scared that I might come downstairs one morning and be like 'hey, dad. You know what? I really was your daughter. Sorry for putting you through years of trouble'. Just... ugh!!

SO - do any of you lovely people on here know anyone who came out as a teenager and regretted it? Or doubted it? Online i tell everyone I'm a guy but that's... reversible. Social transition seems a lot harder to change.

this is long, once again. sorry for rambling.

[Guest Luna_Luv2942]

I actually feel the same way; I doubt myself too and question whether I am Trans* or not. I would suggest going to see a gender therapist, they can help with this kind of question. Give yourself time to think about it, don't feel you have to rush, in fact that may actually be making the regret worse. *hugs* I hope you find the answers you are looking for and wish you luck with what ever decision you make

Maia

[Guest The Mad Scientist]

It's hard to come out and not something i wouldn't suggest unless you're 100% sure. Having a friend that experimented with their gender identity is a good thing, you could use it to start a discussion with your parents to see how supportive they are.

The social thing is hard when you start transitioning but gets better as time goes on. you risk being a social outcast at school which is hard for someone your age. You could try staying with another family member out of the town you live in to experiment, which would minimise that risk factor.

[Carolyn Marie]

I think you are wise beyond your years to wonder if its a good idea to come out now. It is never something I recommend, because there are 10 things that can go wrong, and only one that can go right. I rarely am convinced that it is essential that someone your age transition socially, although I know it happens and for many it is a good thing. But those are usually done in very supportive families.

I can't cite any statistics, and we've had arguments here about which surveys are valid and which aren't. I can't recall any involving a poll of kids in their teens or younger.

My advice is, unless there is a critical, urgent need to come out to parents and friends, don't. If there isn't a burning desire to transition now, don't. If you aren't sure and haven't seen a gender therapist, then you probably shouldn't transition. Believe me, Astro, there is plenty of time to change your life. Plenty of time. Once that Genie is out of the bottle, there is no putting him back in. Thanks for asking the question.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Nicodeme]

I was partially socially transitioned in high school, being acknowledged by a handful of students and teachers as male, and yes, it was embarrassing to go back to a more feminine presentation when I realized that it wasn't fixing things for me. And it stung to have nay-sayers think they were right the whole time. But it's not the end of the world, and it's far more reversible than the medical aspects of transitioning. Most of the people you interact with at this point of your life, you may almost never see again. And if you end up regretting transition, attempting detransition may end up verifying that you were trans after all and you may simply need to take it slower next time around, which it eventually did for me.

[Guest LizMarie]

There is a reason that doctors and therapists discourage medical transition before the age of 18. At most they tend to prescribe hormone blockers to put sex specific characteristics on hold but not encourage more male or female patterns of development.

Take your time and figure things out. Take as much time as you need and don't transition unless you need to, in order to find peace and live a full life.

[Guest Astro-Zombie]

Ahhh man.

I posted this really late in my timezone. I didn't even remember posting it until today. i sound pretty dumb. the whole thing was so badly worded. if only i could delete it - oh well.

thank you all so, so much for your replies. i think the thread was more of a 'get it off my chest' thing than anything else.

i see fully the reasons one would regret transitioning at my age. i didn't mean medically, but the points put forwards are great. Thank you all so much for contributing - the replies helped me put a lot into perspective!! thank you all so much.

is there a (specific) teenager's section on this site? if not, that'd be a cool idea, haha. i know quite a few people my age beginning to come to terms with their gender identity, and obviously, it's hard to find support. this site is great though!

[Carolyn Marie]

There is a Teen Forum, here:

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showforum=21

Carolyn Marie

[Drea]

I agree with those saying it is risky business for teens to come out. Is it just a phase things? Well the older you get the less likely...

Now nothing says you can't explore yourself in other ways. Sometimes we end up overcompensating trying to fit a certain role out of beliefs that we need to conform, but as often has been noted, there are men with stereotypically female interests and vice versa. So perhaps you can explore those things.

Another option that is open to trans guys is that it is more socially acceptable to be tomboyish. I know of trans guys who started binding, working voice, modified hairstyle as much as felt possible without too many questions and effectively got to the point where schoolmate thought a bit odd, as well as parents, and away from them most saw guy. It isn't without risk but no change is permanent and allowed exploration.

[Guest Astro-Zombie]

Ah - didn't see the teen forum. Should've posted this here - damn!

I agree with the thing about being tomboyish, totally, haha.