Confused

[Guest bowenarrow42]

I came out to my mother as lesbian about a month ago. I figured it would be easier for her to take than to have to lose her only daughter. But I have some days where I don't feel like a girl at all, like my body doesn't match who I want to be. These days are happening more and more, and it takes more effort to push those thoughts to the back of my mind than it did before.

Some days, I am completely sure of who I am, and that is never someone who is gay. It's always a man in a woman's body.

How do you know without a doubt in your mind that transitioning is the only way to live? I am so far in the closet right now that I have hair past my shoulders. I've been wanting to cut it all off for years now, but at the same time, a part of me is afraid that I will hate it.

I just wish that I could stop being so confused about who I am.

[Guest Alexthecat]

Just cut it. If you don't like it will grow back.

[VickySGV]

Or from the other side of the fence, look for a man's wig to buy online, or just go into a wig shop and try one on!! Wigs were a stop gap for me on the MtF side of things, and they make wigs for men too so why not for an FtM to use them??

[Guest rumo]

Cutting my hair short was a two year long process. Every time I took another inch, I expected someone to pick up the torches and pitchforks and hunt me down for challenging the binary! But that never happened.

Point being? It was scary and I did it in very, very slow stages. But just because something is scary doesn't mean it's something you won't like. For me, even with all the fear of angry mobs, there was just something right about cutting my hair short. Even just cutting it off to my shoulders felt better somehow. (I guess you could say it was a weight off my shoulders? Ahahaha, I am hilarious.) I guess a lot of it for me was just being able to take steps towards what I wanted my body to look like instead of letting what other people thought make my choices for me.

Man, I am right there with you with questioning how people can be sure enough to transition. Most of what I've found (via youtube research) is that a lot of people just aren't 100% sure. The answer that keeps popping up is that transitioning (by any definition) just felt right. It's all about feelings, not concrete/physical evidence. They just kept trying things looking for an answer to the dysphoria they felt, and at some point they found a place they were comfortable. And idk about you, but that's kind of aggravating! I hate trial and error. I hate error! Why is there no magic science machine? I would trust a magic science machine! Trusting emotions is hard.

[Guest bowenarrow42]

Thanks guys for the tips! It's been a really bad week for dysphoria, and hearing the steps that I could do to alleviate some of that helps.