Weight Gain on T

[Guest RyanT52]

I had my 4th shot (weekly) on T. This time I felt great so I'm relieved the depression has lifted. I was really happy and feel calm again.

However, I'm gained weight really rapidly. I'm beginning to get concerned. I was slightly underweight before starting and now am unable to fit into many of my clothes. I think I may be retaining fluid. Peeing has slowed down.

How have you guys dealt with this?

[JJ]

T causes water retention and that may be the culprit here. You may need to watch the salt & your body will adjust some in time as well. One way to tell is if the area around your ankles us pyffy. You dont get fat there but water retention makes it puffy.

Being on T doesn't mean weight gain. I lost almost 200 lbs on T.

Johnnu

[Guest RyanT52]

Thanks Johnny. That's awesome that you lost so much weight on T. I think you are right about the water retention and salt. I've been craving salt so have been eating tons of salty crackers. I feel pretty bloated. Lol.

It's also a relief to hear that T doesn't equal weight gain. I need to keep my weight down because I have a seriously bad back.

I'm one of the older guys (over 50) transitioning so don't know if age has anything to do with all of this.

There's not a lot of info out there about older guys transitioning.

[JJ]

You are right about the lack of information. When I started this the oldest guy I could find who was transitioning was 42 and he joked about being a one of a kind. Research shows that men tend to transition earlier than women BY 40-or opt out. Some studies postulate that very few untransitioned transmen actually survive past their 40s-perhaps because of the difference in the way men think and approach things while it is not unusual for women in their 50s and 60s to transition. I have never found a single article about anyone post-menopausal transitioning and in effect I am a guinea pig as far as hormones etc. But so far it's been good. Those of us who have made it this far are truly survivors.

Sounds like we have something in common on the back two. I had a slight curvature from childhood but then cracked three vertebrae in a rock climbing accident in my upper back and a decade later cracked and herniated three more in my lower back in a riding accident. My dad had back surgeries after an injury and ended up with spinal stenosis and I have opted not to take that risk. When I mention being bedridden it was my back that put me there after re-injuring it. The good news though is that T makes it possible to strengthen back muscles far better and easier. I still have some issues of course but it is better now than it has been since the initial injury and I hike through steep rugged terrain 100 hours a month or more with a 20lb pack . I started building the muscles though with swimming for 4 months up to 2 hours a day. T alone won't strengthen muscles but it does make a radical difference in how quickly and how much you can strengthen them. I don't know what your back situation is but most can be improved from strengthening muscles -the challenge is finding a way to do it and that's where T makes such a difference.

Johnny

[Guest RyanT52]

That's amazing how much you are hiking Johnny. If I remember don't you have a chronic illness also? I have cfs. I'm finding that T gives me more energy (with the exception of last week).

I had surgery in 2006 for a massive herniated disc that required urgent surgery. It's giving out so I'm trying to strengthen my core muscles. The cfs made my muscles weak which made the back issues worse (I have stenosis and arthritis and regular aging, lol).

I'm in physical therapy and have found since starting T I'm able to build strength a bit more quickly. I just hope I can start peeing normally again.

Fascinating about the research showing few untransitioned transmen make it past their 40's. I'd love to find out more about that. That sort of stuff really interests me.

You've been through the ringer with your back! Good choice on opting out of surgery. I had a surgeon recommend a fusion but there's too many stories of people ending up worse. I'm content to focus on building a strong core.

How did you come out to your family? And how'd it go? I'm a bit alienated from them right now but want to come out before my voice changes. I'm a bit scared of their reaction.

[JJ]

My dad's surgery was a fusion. In fact he had 3 with the last at the Mayo Clinic. It affected my decision when it was recommended in my case. I am amazed at the difference that T has made because of the muscle strength difference.

I moved here initially a decade ago hoping to be able to hike but never could since my health started failing at the same time-my land adjoins a national forest in the Ouachita mountains. When I started transition after swimming all summer and relearning to walk I thought I would try to hike anyway and expected to make about 15 minutes. I made it an hour the first day and worked up from there. One day I stopped and realized that I had been hiking every day without resting between and was shocked because the fibro that runs with the Lupus in my case also causes exhaustion very similar to CS. In fact if I remember right it is suspected fibro and CS are the same disease and get diagnosed by what is the primary symptom. My sister is diagnosed with CS with Lupus as well. Even when I was much younger and worked out so I was fit I still had to rest after a day of physical activity. I have more strength and stamina now than I have had in about 40 years. It's like a new life in many ways

I am the oldest left in my family so I didn't have to deal with an older generation. I am sure my dad-who was my step father -would have accepted it though worried about consequences but am unsure about my mother. I suspect she may have been relieved. Something was always a barrier between us even when we became close friends the last few years of her life. I know I was a DES baby because she told me when the reports about problems first came out-it was more about cancer etc then-but finding unexplained scars and some abnormalities I never realized were quite so abnormal (I avoided any knowledge of normal and abnormal in that region all my life but Drs did react strangely and would always say "It's nothing to worry about". ) I suspect that I was born dual sexed and had surgery as an infant with a follow up around 3. I had to have frequent blood tests and checkups as a child but was always told they were for kidney problems for which I didn't have symptoms. I did have a child but my Dr at the time said it was because I was on birth control and essentially hormonally abnormal and she felt it was unlikely I could conceive again. Which is all to say that since it was considered the worst possible thing to tell an intersexed child if it could be avoided-and most Drs still follow that protocol even with adult patients-I think she felt guilty but unable to tell me and that was the barrier between us since I was adamant I was a boy all through childhood and clearly never really happy as an adult. I suspect she may have been relieved and glad I had finally been able to find happiness-if she could set aside the guilt. That I'll never know.

I have a half sister a generation younger with whom I lost contact a few months into transition because she felt that by saying mother took DES I was blaming her. I could mend that now I'm sure but she is also an alcoholic and has been an addict for decades and I find my life is healthier without her. I have another sister. Long story but we have strongly disliked each other since we were small children. She was always thin and now is pretty much bedridden and as big as I was. I knew when I lost weight and got my life back it was a matter of time before she attached me and when I mentioned possibly being intersexed she went ballistic. But she is also unstable, an alcoholic and addicted to painkillers, my other sister was planning to have her committed last I heard, so I am far better off with her out of my life.

As far as the rest of my family my only child and I are also very close friends and have always co-parented her daughter. She got pregnant while engaged and he changed with alcohol and drug addictions becoming very evident. She called off the wedding and left him asking for my help. I was a social worker and have a child development degree along with my social sciences degree so it worked out well. My daughter was fine with me being trans but transition was another matter. She went through a rough time-even wailing that I had made her an orphan. I divorced her alcoholic father when she was only a few months old and her limited contact with him was very negative. She kept saying she didn't want a dad and I had taken her mother from her. But in time she saw that it wasn't true. I was always a man though she didn't realize it earlier. Now she says she is very glad that I transitioned and just wishes I had done it when she was small because I could have been a better parent and the role model I gave her was flawed because I never was a woman like her friends mothers. She is right. Depressed people cannot be as good a parent even with all the experience and training I had. And a transwoman just can't give a good role model for a man or a transman for a woman. We think wrong and give many signals that are wrong. Not our fault-we did the best we knew but I believe it is a fact nevertheless. My granddaughter is 14 now and has been fine from day 1. Said she always sensed it anyway and likes the way I am now much better. I was terrified that in this uber conservative and religious place she would be teased or bullied about it but even though I go to school functions and everyone knows the only comments have been positive. Her friends think it's cool.

As far as how I came out-I told my daughter and granddaughter face to face that I was really a man inside.. Luckily she knew I had been diagnosed by a psychologist 46 years ago now, with having a male mind in a female body so I had a jumping off place. She had speculated over the years if I was a chimera with part male actually. She mentioned she wondered why the book I was writing had a male protagonist and all my game characters were male so we had some ground for understanding. I had articles about brain wiring and this being a physical condition all ready but she has never really been interested. She isn't interested in why, just in what it means. I knew we were going to be fine when she came home and told me when a co-worker mentioned how embarrassed he was at something his girlfriend left on the bathroom floor she told him it was nothing compared to the time I dropped my STP after my bath and didn't know it before she went in to use that bathroom. (THAT never happened again) I have had a rough time looking that guy in the eye the couple of times I've seen him since but was relieved she had reached a point she could talk and joke about it like that.

Sorry about the long post. Never been good at condensing and sometimes the answers are not really as simple as a sentence or two.

Johnny

[princecharmless]

I'm 47. I had swollen ankles and calves, (ankles still swell a little) a month or so after starting T at the beginning of December. Cue PANIC. Friends and google said to drink more water ( about 3 or 4 extra glasses a day) and avoid salt, I did those and its much better now. Hello healthy diet :/

Another thing, I was looking forward to having energy but it hasn't happened lol.

[Guest RyanT52]

Johnny-

Your land sounds great. It must be nice being so close to nature and all. That's great too that you've had such an improvement in health. I'm hoping that will happen for me as well. I have noticed a bit of a difference but not hugely but then I'm not on the full dose yet.

I have noticed an increase strength which is helping my back. I was able to go out and use the hoe in the garden. I like to grow my own vegetables so I can save money. A disability check doesn't go a long way.

That must have been brutal with your daughter when she was going through ending her relationship and then adjusting to your transition. Funny-we are in the same field. Lots in common!

It's funny-I prefer books with male protagonists and movies as well.

I'm the oldest in my family. It's a dysfunctional family but then they all are. Even though we aren't close (we pretend we are-lots of pretending going on with me being the scapegoat) I know I"ll lose them for good once I come out. You know that Pet Shop Boys song called "It's a Sin"? That describes how they see me, lol.

Did you ever go through mini moments of doubts? Every now and then I wake up in the wee hours of the morning thinking "don't do this". I worry about finding housing in the future (currently have 2 roommates-it's their house) and facing discrimination. It would be nice if there were support groups in this area for older guys.

My moods seem to be fluctuating. I felt great the first 4 days after my shot (I give myself a shot every Thursday) but today am feeling a bit low again. It's all new and a bit confusing as to what's going on. I am dealing with some stressors so I know that's playing into it.

Plus I"m gaining weight so fast! I've stopped all salt. My face is a little bloated and square. I'm not liking how I'm looking these days. I feel like a teenager, lol.

Chat director-cue Panic! Lol! Totally. How long did it take to return to more normal? Did you have rapid weight gain? What did you do for it? I've stopped all salt (except for what's in salad dressing and such. I'm also drinking extra water. Maybe it takes awhile for our bodies to adjust to all the changing hormones?

[JJ]

Hi Ryan

Sorry to take so long getting back to you. The last couple of days have had me tied up and unable to be on much.

Mini moments of doubt? Yes. Still pop up once in awhile. We are stepping outside the norm and outside most people's understanding while having to overturn much of our learned socialization and much of our identity. Identity is so much more than gender and yet the gender that is used to define us affects every part of it. Sometimes I suddenly get the feeling "What have I done?". Especially when something has come up where I have to take into account what others may feel about me because of it. But I noticed even early on when the question came up more frequently and forcefully that the thought of going off T for some reason was unendurable. That I felt elated when called Sir and just right in a way I never had before. And I knew I had done the right thing. I had to give myself permission to ask the question though to go back to see that for me it wasn't really an option.

I wish it had not been necessary. I don't like that I am so far outside the norm but the truth is that inside I always was. I was born different and this was my only choice for a fulfilled life. Whatever the cost -if I died today from it-it would have been worth it.

An analogy would be that I lived for years in a place where I was always going to be an outsider and never belong because I was a different kind of person. Then I journeyed to a new place where the people were like me and I felt at home at last. Most people don't understand that others are different or making that trip because most people fit where they are. Getting to know new people and ways-even if it's good and they fit-is hard and stressful so sometimes I miss the old familiar place. but I know deep inside that I really don't ever want to go back because I will never fit there or be happy there as I do and increasingly will here.

This is hard even while rewarding and necessary. And so complex I don't think we can grasp how much there is to changing gender presentation because it does mean rebuilding our identity in almost every aspect except our inner gender identity. It means re-socializing and adapting in almost every situation we have ever known. So we get stressed and worn down and doubt at times. But even those times are for me far better than any time living as a woman. I recall happy events. Times I loved and was proud or took pleasure from life-but happy. Never. And I didn't even really understand how much that was so. I remember those feelings when that doubt raises it head.

"What have I done?" When I ask myself that deep in the night I answer "The right thing. The thing I had to do and if I could undo it all tomorrow and have an otherwise easy perfect life I'd say a firm NO." That ends the doubt. I'm sorry I had to do it-I really am-but not sorry I did. Nor ever will be.

Johnny

[princecharmless]

No I haven't put on weight, but then my appetite hasn't changed. (Always been greedy, still am, nothing new). Ankles and calves still swell a bit but nothing like as much as before I started drinking more water. Yep it's still early days, we're still adjusting.