Lesbian, bi, or straight?

[Guest KrissyB]

Ok so I know I'm trans, but I keep getting asked whether I like boys or girls. When I think about sex (I have a really high sex drive that I HATE) I usually think about a guy, but sometimes I have a lesbian fantasy. When I see a really beautiful girl my body gets turned on but not do much my brain. When I see a really hot guy all of me gets turned on. But I don't think I could marry a guy because: 1) Boys are gross. 2) I don't connect with guys like I do girls. 3) I'd be too worried he'd look as bad as Michael Douglas did in "Last Vegas". But I connect with girls, and girls are clean (usually), and girls are softer (which is a problem sometimes), and a woman can do more to another woman sexually than a man could. I've always "liked" girls, but I feel it's more of a jealousy/hormones thing than anything else. Do you think that's an accurate statement? Also I think I'd be afraid to go down on a man due to the fact that I have a bad gag reflex, and it might be kind of sweaty down there, and I might not like the taste. I do have one guy friend I would consider dating (definately not as a guy though. I'm sort of abstaining from dating until after transition.), but he's definately not gay/bi and he has a girlfriend. Any advice on this topic would be very appreciated as my therapist hasn't even seemed to want to talk about it.

~Krissy

[Guest LizMarie]

Give yourself time to figure yourself out. I suppressed myself for years but I've always known I've had bisexual tendencies. And don't assume that all guys are sweaty, dirty, etc.

[Guest Gregg Jameson]

HI Krissy,

I agree with Liz, give yourself time to sort out your sexual attractions/preferences.

In my life experience, I have found both gender and sexual preference to be a bit "fluid." They can change/shift a bit.

While I now feel most comfortable as a straight transguy (strongly attracted to females), I had been married to a man for a lengthy period of time (we were best friends and still are best friends), and I have had relationships with both men and women throughout my lifetime.

I am sorry your therapist does not want to talk with you about this topic. Do you directly tell your therapist you want to address this topic in therapy? I am assuming you do tell your therapist, yet had to ask, just incase it's not really a comfortable topic for you to bring up with your therapist?

Krissy, I am glad you are here, asking questions, sharing with us, teaching us a few things, too.

Take great care of YOU!

Warmly,

Brad

[Guest KrissyB]

I haven't said that I want to address it, and Im not sure I really want to talk to him about it. I have told him I don't know about this though. I really want a female therapist. I just don't feel as comfortable talking to a guy about this stuff. I'm not sure why though. I'm staring to think I'm a straight maybe bi-curious girl.

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Krissy,

It is very common for young people to question their sexual identity.

With time, you will be able to find the answers that you are looking for.

I fear that you are also experiencing a very common experience.

Young people become concerned about "Labels".

It does not matter if you are Bi, Lesbian or Straight.

The main factor is that you are HAPPY with whatever sexual orientation you settle on.

You can ask your therapist questions, but the only way you will be sure is to experience it personally.

You also talk about a "Bad Gag Reflex", many cis-females also have "Bad Gag Reflex", but are able to improve with a caring partner.

Also, as Liz has stated, not all men are sweaty, not all girls are clean.

Also, there are Lesbian and Bisexual Transgender women.

Just be Happy with who you are.

When I first Came-Out, I considered myself a Straight Female, and still do today.

I actually joined 5 different Lesbian Groups at my LGBT Center.

They all accepted me as female, which I needed to be Accepted and Validated as a female.

They all knew that I was straight, and even wanted to make me an "Honorary Lesbian" .

They were also very helpful in supporting and preventing me from committing Suicide.

Give yourself time, there is no timetable that you must follow.

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest Gregg Jameson]

Hi Krissy,

On the other thread you have going, you have shared you are meeting with your male therapist this coming Friday.

You are planning to address your goals, concerns, etc.

If you truly feel strongly about having a female therapist, please voice this to your therapist.

He is a professional and will not get his personal feelings hurt. (Your therapy is about you, you, you and your needs.)

If you feel most comfortable talking with a female therapist, then you'll do best with a female therapist.

Please voice your preferences. Please be clear with him, so he does not think you are just trying to avoid therapy with him.

For instance, if you feel more comfortable addressing issues of sexuality, gender, sexual orientation, etc, with a female therapist, please simply and clearly tell him so. I hope he will fully support your access to a female therapist.

Friday isn't very far away now!

Ready?

In Support,

Brad