i think im developing ed gradualy

[Guest shani d]

note even so most of the time i look and perform as a happy normal living person im mentally ruin and i cant even think up if i feel happy or sad inside without tears coming up telling me im a ruin. every time in my life something bothered me deeply and from a very young age i would try to eat things. usual things like chicken/shnitzel or whatever and i would never manage to finish what ive been served. about 70% of the plate would been either left out untouched or chewed a bit and then forcefully thrown out back into the place after a while of chewing on it

i did chew and eventualy feel like i cant chew or swallow it anymore and i must get it out of my mouth untill chicken was completly left out of my "menu" then other kinds of food started to feel the same

my mom and family always called me "picky" but i didnt eat because i didnt "want" to eat i didnt eat because i tryed but something inside of me stopped me

it didnt bother me much all my life i thouth i might of been picky like they said but a picky kid doesnt want to eat because he just doesnt feel like eating i !cant! eat .. i try and then throw most of it out back into the plate. im low weight in my nature anyway and lately more and more kinds of foods have been ruled out by my stomach or whatever it is thats keeping me from eating and just now like 30 mins ago i ate a nice meal i would of enjoy years ago but i just couldnt eat barely 50% of it and the rest was left out and i keep feeling sad that i bring back a plate full of food my mom worked on for half an hour with a claim of " i cant eat it because it doesnt taste well or it has "hard pieces" but im not sure they are hard because the rest of my family doesnt complain and manage to eat well enofgh

i am getting worried it might be an eating disorder and its probably is some sort of eating disorder as i just cant i aint picky i just dont manage something inside stops me and i read eating disorder often comes from "damaged" mental or phisical state and it makes sense but i dont know eating disorders so well

any ideas? i know i post a lot lately ive still got a lot of things to understand in my life to let myself live healthy

[Guest shani d]

please anyone that might understand it?

[JJ]

Shari I think maybe people haven't come up with solutions because this is something that you need to consult a therapist about. It caan become very serious and none of us are competent to diagnose or treat an eating disorder. We can share our experiences but that is all. And since each of us is different our experiences may not be the same.

I have almost the opposite problem-when I am upset or ill I am hungry and never able to feel full. I have learned to deal with it and how to substitute experieences for food but I don't have any real experience with ED otherwise.

One thing I have always heard and frequently seen to be true-when you start to see something as a problem in your life, to question it-then it IS a problem and needs to be addressed. Even if it is hard or intimidating please see your Dr about this

I realize that you are in Israel and this is an American group but they may be able to put you in touch with resources in your country. There should be some since I am also aware Israel is concerned about the rate of ED even banning underweight models.

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support

Reaching out and getting help early can make a big difference from what I do understand of ED. I am glad you were able to reach out here and sorry we cannot provide the kind of support for this you really need. Please reach out to those who can. They will help.

Johnny

[Guest shani d]

yea i guess you are right about the diagnosis or helping me understand a bit what is going on and why im incapable of eating

currently i dont have a therapist and its still in the works to find one for me[other people are working for it] but im seeing my doctor this week anyway

i will contact this group you mentioned and i hope some insights or understanding will come in their way

thanks jj

just wanted to add what im worried more about is the fact that my ability to eat things is getting slimmer and i can easily see how in a while i wont be able to eat anything and simply starve