That Went Well...

[Guest Zack L]

So I finally went back to my shrink today. I kept missing appointments for the last month (sick, weather, ect.) and haven't really spoken to him since last session. I went in today, and managed to get up my courage enough to tell him that I want to start seeing a gender therapist in addition to him. I wouldn't have bothered if my Mom hadn't said that I can't go unless he okays it.

So I tell him, and he's like "You agreed to talk to me about the assualt before doing anything. And then you went and cut your hair!" Yes. I cut my hair. I don't feel like punching my reflection whenever I see it anymore, it's nice. I had been planing on telling him how I'm hoping to come out. Like now. BUt from the way he reacted to my asking about the gender shrink I figured he'd just be a jerkface about it. He was all "You've latched onto this, can you give me one instance of when you've latched and changed your mind?" And so I gave him some and just...

I don't know what to do. Anyone have any advice?

I'd kinda like to just mope around and sleep the day and night away, but I can't. I'm leading a raid in Warcraft tonight, where everyone calls me my female name since based on voice I won't pass, and we do most of our communication over a voice program. So now I get to spend 4+ hours having this rubbed in my face. *headxdesk*

At least my STP should be here soonish.

[Guest OneOutOfnOne]

My condolences, Zack. It seems you're going to have to be patient with your therapist... it's much easier to get someone else to do something for you if they think you agree with them or think they're intelligent. Of course, I thought that when a person goes to school for psychiatry, the prospective therapist is taught to listen and be understanding. Shows what I know, I've never been to one. I hope your next appointment is better!

[Guest Cody_T]

Zack... that guy seems like a jerk. At least, right now. Or else, he just totally doesn't get it.

I don't get the:

He was all "You've latched onto this, can you give me one instance of when you've latched and changed your mind?" And so I gave him some and just...

so does he want you to mention when you've latched on and changed your mind to show you that you're not actually trans?

I don't really have any good ideas... go on a speaking strike and stop talking until he refers you to a gender therapist?

I guess you could talk to your mom about how a gender therapist is just going to help you understand things... does she know it's a required part of transition? Mine doesn't, so she keeps saying I can go to a therapist if I want.

Or talk to your shrink about how you feel (the punching your reflection type things). Maybe promise to talk to him about what he wants to talk about if you get referred to a gender therapist. Although, him being a shrink I'm sure he'll find all sorts of psychological fallacies behind that or w/e.

Sorry, wish I could help.

Congrats on the STP though

[Guest Irielle]

Zack, I'm sorry to hear you are having trouble with your shrink. I don't know what advice to give you except keep being yourself and stick to your guns. This is your life and I want you to be happy. I hope it will work out for you and you get a gender therapist.

I play WoW too and sometimes am in a group but I never do voice chat even though I could. I play females and everyone I play with totally knows me as a girl and I'm not going to do anything to change that. So I just let them know I don't have voice. But I have never led a raid before and maybe you really need voice chat to do that?

[Guest Little Sara]

My advice is to find a gender therapist yourself, then ask any doctor - any at all -for a referral, heck ask the gender therapist is he or she would take you without one, and explain why (incuding your current shrink being an donkey about it).

[Guest Irielle]

Oh - I forgot the best part. When I'm with a raid on WoW or just in a group doing something and I do something dumb (I'm kind of dyslexic) I don't get in trouble 'cuz I"m a girl Everyone helps me. I'm so shameless

[Guest Naomi Stardust]

i think your shrink might need a shrink

(and new glasses, he doesn't know a man when he sees one)

i am no expert here

but i have a friend who is an ex-shrink

she has seen many herself

and she says that a lot of times doctors and shrinks and such have seen one ailment so many times that when they see symptoms that are similar they jump straight to what they are accustomed to seeing

and then get stubborn about it

her trick when dealing with people like that is simply to be patient and indulge them until they see that their way doesn't work

i don't know if this helps you

but i wish you luck anyway

and maybe you should keep insisting to see a gender specialist, be persistent on that

[Guest Zack L]

Thanks everyone, I'll keep trying, might just pester my Mom more about it directly. I have one in the area a friend recommended, he said she's very good, so all I have to do is work on getting my Mom onboard.

It's true Cody. When I try to explain why I want to see another shrink he starts picking everything I say apart. I know it's your job to do that, but that's taking it a bit too far. He also called me "girlfriend" today in session. I haven't formally asked him to use my name and pronouns, but I KNOW he sees me glare and cringe when he refers to me a girl. Blargh.

@Irielle

I play a female toon as well...but only because most of the males are ugly, especially Night Elves. However my very first character was male, a rogue. When my friend who recruited me asked me why I made it male I was just like "It felt right." More evidence that I've felt this way for ages. =3 I'm surprised you have a guild that lets you raid without using Vent or something of the like...bosses can be difficult without using them. Does get a bit loud sometimes on trash in 25 mans. XD;; But on bosses like...2 drake Sarth it's very helpful to have the tank call out lava wave directions, ya know?

[Guest Cody_T]

It's true Cody. When I try to explain why I want to see another shrink he starts picking everything I say apart. I know it's your job to do that, but that's taking it a bit too far. He also called me "girlfriend" today in session. I haven't formally asked him to use my name and pronouns, but I KNOW he sees me glare and cringe when he refers to me a girl. Blargh.

Wow, that's just extremely disrespectful when he knows that you have gender issues. And unless he's gay, please please please tell me he didn't actually use that word. But on the serious side, doesn't he know that's just gonna bring up a ton of issues and lessen your trust? The therapist patient relationship is pretty important and he seems determined to destroy it... and he seems rather controlling as well. You might want to try asking him to use the correct name and pronouns and consider whether it's worth going to him. Cause you're paying for a service you don't seem to be recieving.

[Guest Little Sara]

I'm surprised you have a guild that lets you raid without using Vent or something of the like...bosses can be difficult without using them.

I played WoW, but I disliked large groups (especially being forced to because of "Bing on pick up" stuff), but would never use voice chat casually over the net (mainly because I don't like my voice). Personally, I'd rather exploit Blizzard's disbalancing of classes and solo raid, like Paladin can apparently do. I might bring a friend or two, but 25? Nope. I mostly joined social guilds.

I quit WoW because of its heavy group and pvp focus. I like being able to solo and play with a friend or two, I don't need extreme competitiveness all the time. I might give Hello Kitty Online a try if its free to play.

Wow, that's just extremely disrespectful when he knows that you have gender issues. And unless he's gay, please please please tell me he didn't actually use that word. But on the serious side, doesn't he know that's just gonna bring up a ton of issues and lessen your trust? The therapist patient relationship is pretty important and he seems determined to destroy it... and he seems rather controlling as well. You might want to try asking him to use the correct name and pronouns and consider whether it's worth going to him. Cause you're paying for a service you don't seem to be recieving.

My experience with 3 psychiatrists and a psychologist have been more of the same. Disrespect all around, assumptions that I ought to be a poseur (she suggested I should be a air hostess or a female impersonator, because I liked attention...), that I'm "not real" (like her), telling me right off that "I'm deluded". And keep in mind, three of the shrinks I saw while full-time and on HRT for a while. That didn't stop them.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dear Zack,

I'm sorry for the bad period in life your are having. I too cringe at the reality of people referring to me as male ( in my case, since my preferred gender is female). It seems to me that your therapist is still working on the original reason why you started seeing hin in the first place (the assault?). Coming out to him now before the previous issue(s) were resolved was probably ill-timed. Timing is an important aspect to successfully coming out. Now, I am not going to lecture you (God forbid!). I am glad to hear that you had the courage to come out (kudos!). I think in your case with this particular therapist, one step at a time is needed. Let you both work through the reason why you came to him in the first place, and then re-address your gender identity. It may require that you see a separate therapist for your gender identity.

I hope this helps in some way,

bernie

[Sally]

Well Zack,

I have no idea where Evan is these days but I fully expected to see his, "They work for you" post.

I don't see him around right now so I will cover that for you.

This will not be easy but you are strong, you have to be, tell him at the beginning of the next session that you need some serious help and as he seems unwilling to actually listen to anything that you have to say it does not seem like this is a place that can offer any help at all.

Tell him that it is not about what he wants to talk about, it is about what you need to talk about and if he is tottaly unwilling to listen to your grnder identity issues that you would appreciate a referal to someone who will.

That's what needs to be done, can you do it?

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest CharlieRose]

so does he want you to mention when you've latched on and changed your mind to show you that you're not actually trans?

It's funny that people think being trans is one of those phase-y latch on things. My biggest, most personally devastating phase/desperate-latch-on was that I was female.