Starting to confuse myself

[Guest GoatsAndElliot]

So I pretty much decided I'm a transgender person. I've had an amazing time experimenting with my appearance, and I look forward to the times that I can do it, even days in advance. But occasionally I want to be girly again (in my mind, that means wearing t-shirts and jeans that are made for girls), so now I'm confused. I do wonder if it's just my practicality talking (I already get excluded, and I doubt being a transgender will help that.) It's much more often that I want to be like a full-out boy than be girly, but I do have occasions where I wish I could have both (like a double life)

Really this is just ranting, but has anyone had experience with something like this? What was the outcome? Is there a term for this that I could research?

Sorry if this makes no sense; I'm on my sleepy meds.

-Elliot

[Charlize]

Elliot while this may seem different i also have times when, even though i've transitioned, i so enjoying doing things that men do and i did for years. It just feels right. Just because you may transition at some point does not immediately mean you have to be a totally butch guy just as i don't always need to be fem. There is always a mix and hopefully we can find comfort and peace with our paths.

Have a sweet dream.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Charlize]

Elliot i must also wonder why you use the name Goats and Elliot. I farm and at this point have 10 does and 11 kids enjoying a beautiful spring. The kids are especially beautiful to watch.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest GoatsAndElliot]

The goats part comes from the fact that we also have goats, but they're really just pets now (the mom is old and all her kids were boys who we kept). I love them all so much, and I'm bad at making up usernames. The Elliot comes from wanting to be addressed as such. And thanks for the reassurance that this isn't too weird

-Elliot

[tracy_j]

Hi Elliot

You are not the only one who has changes in mind by far!

Even today when I was dressing in my girly clothes like I usually do on Saturdays to visit friends. I suddenly felt - "why am I doing this - I am male". I then carried on - thinking this is me! After that I applied makeup. If there is on thing I love it is makeup! Applying it relaxes me like nothing else. Last weekend I felt very down and it was only on the Tuesday morning (after the Easter break) when getting ready for work that I used makeup for the first time in a couple of days that I felt really good!

Perhaps a confusing paragraph but in essence it translates to - Being feminine to me oftens is more the behaving rather than appearing as a woman! I often get very confused but luckily it is one thing I am relaxed with. I try to take it as it comes - sometimes female, ideally somewhere in between but at present usually male.

I look forward to presenting myself in new ways / outfits! It takes some thought to get things right (in my mind) as beside liking to look nice I have a inbuilt desire to innovate which can result in attacting too much attention. (Really the easiest way for a male to appear female is not to stand out - blend in - but that contradicts my inventive plus rebelious nature). Oh well C'est la vie!

Tracy x