Remembering our difference in meetings

[Charlize]

Friday night i was chairing the GLBT meeting i attend on Friday night. Wonderfully two of our members were present along with 4 gay men and a lesbian. I brought up for discussion the topic of change, which is mentioned twice in the Serenity Prayer. Things were going along pretty well until i started to talk about how much stress and difficulty i've been going through recently and how much of it is caused by accepting the fact that i'm not going to get my orchiectomy for 6 months or more if then. I mentioned how it was a change in plans and they often can upset me. The man next to me picked up his coat and left. Today i called him and apologized for upsetting him. I guess some issues affecting me as a trans person simply are better not discussed even in GLBT meetings. I have to remember to be quiet when everybody crosses their legs.

I'm glad we have our trans meeting here. I've also got two trans meetings i attend on Skype. At least there is somewhere i can talk to other alcoholic trans folks. We do have our special issues that are best kept at home in some situations.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest]

That was really rude and uncalled for!

I thought these were members of the LGBTQ Community.

I would think that if anyone would be accepting it would be our own members.

I think you handled the situation impeccably, Charlize.

I do look forward to our Sunday night Chats here, albeit them being late for me.

Huggs,

Joann

[VickySGV]

I can see this both ways Charlize, I presume the person was gay, and yes, the tinkering with the lower body area has an element of invalidation for that person. On the other edge of the nickle though, his leaving without telling you what had upset him, did both of you a disservice that is tragic, because others at the meeting could not participate with the two of you. I am sure all of you will mend and continue your paths as the HP wills it to be,

[Charlize]

i was oblivious and self absorbed enough to not fully realize his discomfort. It simply seems a simple thing to me while t another the very thought is uncomfortable. It was an interesting meeting with good discussion otherwise. Oddly a young gay man from the meeting called a day later and asked if i would help him with his steps. I'm sure that he will be ok and i'll learn to hold my cards a little closer to my chest if they are likely to upset another. I should be able to speak openly but hopefully while not disturbing others.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Brenda Hailey]

You cant please all of the people all of the time......

I dont know if I would ever be able to discuss intimate details such as that with an open crowd even if it is AA.

I understand about being open and honest but not everyone who has that equipment may be ready to hear about removing it no matter how many years sober.

I suppose I would have just left it at non descript "surgery" if I was so inclined to share that particular thing about myself.

As long as he didnt throw tomatoes and you both remain sober then its ok to disagree in my view.

Not everyone can be everyones sponsor some of us are on different steps than others.

One of the things we cannot control or change are the views of an entire crowd.......[enter serenity prayer here]

Brenda Hailey

[Charlize]

I had the opportunity to speak to my home group last night; sharing experience strength and hope. I did my best to simply leave the Trans issue to the side. I spoke instead about the way alcohol slowly gained its power till i was finally totally powerless. As i started to work through the steps and explain how they fit with my addiction i couldn't help but share about honesty. In the first paragraph of how it works honesty comes up 3 times. I did my best to be honest with my sponsor. I told him about gender issues i had never spoken to anyone about. 5 years later i found the honesty to be open with my home group. I shared that as i usually give the coins out and had come to speak to the group as my true self no one recognized me when a coin was needed. the call went out "where is Chuck" She was sitting up front ready to speak in a way that seemed impossible. Fear melted and my higher power showed me the humor of the situation. i loosened up and was able to share. That is still the case i'm glad to say. The paralyzing fear has been lifted. Instead i need to remember that my issues as a trans person are not in many ways a part of my sobriety. Honesty yes but with reserve and concentration on my biggest problem....addiction.

Hugs,

Charlize