a certain comment from my mom

[Guest Isabel1991]

There was one thing my mom said that botherd me not that it was mean but

Kinda hurt she said you've never been the feminine type and I don't know if she could not see it because she knows me as her son or if it's because I'm a very private person about my interest

or maybe I'm not that feminine but I know who I am

And what I have to do but then I watch other transwomen on YouTube and there all very feminine and know alot about make up and fashion and it makes me so jealous I like that stuff but am not and expert

It just makes me feel like not less Trans but not as good at it if that makes any sense what so ever

Your thoughts

Love Isabel

[Carolyn Marie]

Isabel, please don't let your mother's comment cause doubts in your mind. Even the pretty transgirls with the perfect makeup and mannerisms had to learn it from some place or someone. They weren't born knowing that, and neither were cisgen girls.

I learned from my son's GF, and other folks learn it from department store cosmetics counters, or mothers, or sisters, or someone else. There is nothing about being feminine that you can't learn and master with practice. I wasn't feminine before I transitioned, either. That's why so many of my friends were shocked. That's why so many of us go into testosterone filled careers; just so we wouldn't appear feminine. That doesn't make us any less trans.

Your mom has an image in her mind of what a transperson should look, act and sound like. That you don't fit that image is an issue for her to resolve, not for you to resolve.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Isabel1991]

Thank you so much Carolyn <3 :-)

Love Isabel

[Guest KimberlyF]

Feminine does not equal female. I know a lot of women who are not overly feminine, yet they are mothers and wives and aunts and sisters.

I just read an online article the other day that you could possibly show your mother. You can google 'I'm glad my mom never taught me how to use make-up.'

These are the things her mother did teach her:

"Instead my mother taught me that hard work is more valuable than talent or luck. She taught me that being nice is different from being kind and given the choice one should always choose to be kind. She taught me that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but an indication of strength. My mom refused to help me straighten my hair. Instead she straightened out my soul."

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I didn't know how to apply makeup. I had to practice. Lots and lots of practice.

Also I've had mean comments from my mother at the very beginning, how I'm too tall to pass and I'd never make a believable woman. I thought about those recently, how they were said before I even started transition and, well, how I managed to prove her wrong. I think one of the best examples was probably a year and a half ago or so, mom was still uncomfortable with me being a woman and she would still look at me and see her son. We were picking up Chinese food and the lady inside commented about me to her, saying "she's a tall girl!" and my mom had to fight back some tears and say "yes, she is" and that's when it started sinking in that while mom still sees me as her son, other people are seeing me as her daughter.

[Guest LizMarie]

People see what they want to see. Most people aren't that observant.

Let me relay you some observations. My spouse said she's never seen me as "feminine" at all. We've been married 37 years (though the end of that is in sight). Yet one of my brothers, a close friend who I've known for seventeen years, and a cousin who I've known since childhood all reacted the same way when I came out to them - "Oh! Now it all makes sense about you!" was the general comment.

So people who were observant were seeing signs about me for years. People who didn't want to see those signs, never saw them. They saw what they wanted to see.

In addition, your mother gave birth to a son and may be attached to that idea, at least initially. But usually most mothers seem to come around to the understanding that you are still he child, just her daughter.

I wouldn't place a lot of stock in your mother's comments. We all repress who we are to varying degrees so the process of coming out and transitioning (if that's what you intend to do) is a learning experience on top of everything else.