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Guest Falcon

Greetings, everyone.

About two years ago, I joined this site and came out to my mother. I'm way too lazy to go into details because the emotional aspects of the whole incident are unnecessary and irrelevant. Long story short, my parents won't agree to T. Speaking to them about this, in my experience, has only resulted in drama (theirs, not mine) that I am not willing to deal with. It is a fruitless waste of time.

Like any other silly teenager, I had the crazy idea of running away to another country to do whatever I want. Except that the idea isn't so crazy.

In two years, I (sort of) committed myself to studying, took the SAT, and got into JHU. I'm moving to Baltimore in August. I'll be 18 by then.

Now that this is actually happening, I'm becoming hesitant. Yes, the idea seemed brilliant in my head: Study, get a first-rate education, run off to a different continent, take full control of my life. I'm stubborn like that, albeit in a rather unconventional way. I don't imagine most people rebel by studying more. But now that it isn't just an elaborate plan sitting in my skull, I'm getting second thoughts. It's certainly a big decision to make on my own. I'm trying not to imagine my family not recognizing me at the airport in four years.

I realize the best thing to do would probably be to get my parents on my side, to come to some sort of understanding with them, because their support will be valuable to me and will make things much easier. The problem is, I'm not currently willing to do that. It seems like an incredibly daunting task and I can see why it might backfire, or make my relationship with my parents really awkward for a while. That isn't preferable for the time being.

I will confront them eventually. In the event that things do not work out, I'd like some advice on how to get started on my own. I want my parents to support me, but if they won't, I'm not going to comply. What are the steps I will need to take to get started on transitioning? Are there any places near the university I can contact or check out? Since I'm an international student, what problems will I face? As Thailand won't allow its people to change their gender markers or alter their birth certificates, what will I be able to do about it? How would I go about paying for T? Where can I get support? Is there anything else I should know? Tell me anything and everything I should be aware of. Information comforts me a great deal. I can at least try to picture how I'd go about living my confusing new life.

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome back Falcon

The first step that I would recommend is to find out what resources are available where you are going to school. Some universities even cover transition therapy and T. Some have large LGBT centers that can hook you up to a gender therapist or provide one and some offer discounted or free clinics = it varies a lot. The latter is the exception but in the larger universities may be available. The first step-and it may help with your family as well in the long run-is to see a gender therapist who can help guide you in deciding what you want and need to do. Can also help in making decisions and plans for dealing with your family. I don't know how being an international student would affect university insurance etc but the LGBT organization on your future campus will probably know or have resources for you to find out.

Having qualms about all of it is only natural. It is a huge decision at a time when you are also facing other massive life changes in going away to school and even going to another country to live. But it can be a great experience and opportunity too. When you start looking at all the scary or negative possibilities then also balance that with the positives-not only what can go wrong but what can go right and how.

T itself isn't expensive-most people spend more a month on coffee or soda-gender therapy can be depending on the circumstances. I think you will feel much more relaxed and confidant when you know what is available where you are going to school. And if you come to school here and don't like it you can always go back. After awhile many of the effects of T can't be reversed but it will be awhile before you have to make that commitment and even after you do there is still a window of opportunity to change your mind. Actually though I can't think of anyone who has once they started.

And when it starts getting stressful with all the possibilities just remember that you don't have to do it all today or decide it all today. Just prepare for the next step and not the whole journey

Johnny

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Guest ashleynikole

Hesitancy is a natural part of this journey. It took me 7 months to "own" my transition. It's really what I wanted but our nurtured beliefs still exist inside our brain and make us check ourselves before we do anything that our old brain thinks is wrong. You are not alone in hesitating.

Now as far as all the things you have access to, I have no idea because I've never been from another country coming to America, but I would suspect that you will have access to the same care as everyone else (from a legal standpoint...maybe not financial). However, your first step should be a gender therapist who can help you work out all your issues, so to speak. You need to learn and understand yourself as best you can so you know what decisions need to be made and you can make them, if any at all.

Do a little internet research on what is available near your school and good luck.

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