Mentors

[Guest Zabrak]

I was thinking - seeing as I never grew up with a real father figure I one day would like a male mentor to teach me some stuff. Ya know? Not how to act but how to do a tie and things like this. A older man to look up too thats willing to teach things.

I mean, you could know 'everything' and I know you could just browse the web but...it's not the same. The internet doesn't have a personality or traits to look up too. And a mentor older and wiser then you could still teach you a thing or two.

Don't get me wrong - I admire and learn from many men but none have ever 'mentored' me.

Anyone else think the same? And for MTF would you want a female mentor?

[Guest Zack L]

I would love this -- My parents split when I was 3, and I've lived with my Mom. The times I see my father he has always made it clear that I'm supposed to be "Daddy's little girl" which I'm not, and never was. It drove a wedge between us, and I don't even really consider him my father I don't think. But I would love a real father figure. My male friends are great but it's not the same.

So yes. Do want. XD

[Guest Zenda]

I was thinking - seeing as I never grew up with a real father figure I one day would like a male mentor to teach me some stuff. Ya know? Not how to act but how to do a tie and things like this. A older man to look up too thats willing to teach things.

I mean, you could know 'everything' and I know you could just browse the web but...it's not the same. The internet doesn't have a personality or traits to look up too. And a mentor older and wiser then you could still teach you a thing or two.

Don't get me wrong - I admire and learn from many men but none have ever 'mentored' me.

Anyone else think the same? And for MTF would you want a female mentor?

Kia Ora Zabrak,

There are finishing schools for M2F trans-people, not too sure whether there are similar places for F2Ms…

Perhaps there's a business opportunity here for a trans-friendly male whose short of cash

http://www.lefemmefinishingschool.com/inde...sandclasses.htm

I remember reading that back in the early 1970s Charring Cross Hospital in London use to conduct etiquette classes for transsexual patients...How to walk, sit, and voice training, etc, etc.

Metta Jendar

[Guest Kelly Ann]

You have a LOT of aunties about young manHow else would one say it...Kelly Ann

[Guest Zabrak]

@Jendar

Thanks. I know theres nothing where I live. And I went to finishing school when I was younger. lol

@Kelly

I know, and my aunties are the best! But I would also like uncles - you know? Not for support or even friendship but just for male guidance.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

I don't know if anyone near you is on here, but you might check this site out anyway.

FTM Mentors

[Guest April63]

I don't think I would really want a female mentor. Friends would be good enough for me.

April

[Guest Evan_J]

**gives the silent "awwww"**** (yeah I know its "acceptable" to "awww" out loud but it ain't me so lemme lone lol)

**grabs Zabrak by the back of the collar" Consider yourself mentored, at least online

(Bet ya never thought mentoring was all about the collar )

That program/place thingy Jendar was talking about sounds like a good idea. You should start one of those. Or at least think of starting one of those. You're young, you have your entire life ahead of you, lots of time to work it in.

<-will have you becoming a fashion model/ businessman/ 9other things + space pirate if you aren't careful lol.

I dunno, I always wanted to be (as a kid) somebody's brother, I (any of us really) now can do that. And at this age "uncle" sounds real good. Older, the "under the wing" thing, enjoy watchin them grow and develop, share whatever info you managed to come out of the deal with.... but not as much "blame" as a "father" lol. AND you get to give the kid more freedom to be themselves as an uncle. Fathers get their keister's kicked -at least in public opinion- for "what their kid does". The world at large holds the father responsible. Even if its a single mother, they'll "blame" her for being whatever kind of mother but blame him for not being there so that both her AND the kids behavior rest on him. If someone's p.o.'d they look for the fathers butt to kick they're not kickin the kid's. An uncle gets the best end of the deal -the relationship with the kid- and none of the "work" of the father.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Zabrak,

As an MTF, I consider practically all women as mentors (learning from any woman is important for me). I think that you have found the same thing with males. Simply listen and watch and learn. If there is something specific you need to know about men, you can ask me (I was a father).

Your friend

bernie

[Sally]

I'd offer to help you sweetheart, but I think that it would be very odd having your Momma mentoring you on how to be a man (although I do have 57 years experience)

Love ya,

Sally

P.S. I can tie a tie on a moving bus with out a mirror just as fast as in my home with a mirror - four in hand or double windsor!

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Kia Ora, Jendar, (oh I love the sound of those words!)

I have been absolutely impressed with your extensive knowledge on transgender issues. You are truely a tremendous help to all who is around you. Thank you for being you!!

with much love,

bernie

[Guest Evan_J]

I dunno, I get what Zabrakk's sayin (correct me if I'm wrong) its the "male bonding" . It isn't "really" the tying the tie, its just a vehicle. I didn't have any brothers when I was a kid, I grew up in a house with 7 cousins, 6 of them male, and a friend of the family's little girl who hadda live with us like 8-10 months out of the year. The relationship between brothers was like a pentacle of yearning. Because they were male and bonded not just by siblinghood but maleness. The person I was closest to as a kid was my grandfather, I wanted to do whatever he did so we would be "similar", walk in his footsteps, do what he would do. I played cards like I was 40 before I ever even entered school because he was gambler and thats what we used to do. I was someone for him to count cards to and practice on and learned well emulate my "hero". He was a great man and person but the focal point is he was male. Not by "default". Not cuz of "parts" because he was internally and reveled in what it meant to him to be male. Its often occurred as I grew and moved inside adulthood the most enjoyable circles of people to "hang out" around are male circles; genetic, transgendered, transitioning, whichever. Its the bonding over being male. If a genetic male -cisgendered- allows you to learn how to tie a tie while accepting you as a transmale or "not female" then you enjoy "what it is to be male", however fleeting, with that individual. I only truely felt that some from one male as an adult. A co-worker of all people. Who treated me (I was close to 30 then, he was 57?) like a "young" man he was mentoring. Was it all about teaching things like "ties"? No. Some (the most part) was hanging out and hearing whatever I would tell him and then giving me his view as an older man who'd done whatever it was I told him was going on. God I wish I had more I might actually know what I was doing the majority of the time

Anyhow I just wanted to say, Zabrak, I know where you're coming from.

[Guest Zabrak]

**gives the silent "awwww"**** (yeah I know its "acceptable" to "awww" out loud but it ain't me so lemme lone lol)

**grabs Zabrak by the back of the collar" Consider yourself mentored, at least online

(Bet ya never thought mentoring was all about the collar )

That program/place thingy Jendar was talking about sounds like a good idea. You should start one of those. Or at least think of starting one of those. You're young, you have your entire life ahead of you, lots of time to work it in.

<-will have you becoming a fashion model/ businessman/ 9other things + space pirate if you aren't careful lol.

I dunno, I always wanted to be (as a kid) somebody's brother, I (any of us really) now can do that. And at this age "uncle" sounds real good. Older, the "under the wing" thing, enjoy watchin them grow and develop, share whatever info you managed to come out of the deal with.... but not as much "blame" as a "father" lol. AND you get to give the kid more freedom to be themselves as an uncle. Fathers get their keister's kicked -at least in public opinion- for "what their kid does". The world at large holds the father responsible. Even if its a single mother, they'll "blame" her for being whatever kind of mother but blame him for not being there so that both her AND the kids behavior rest on him. If someone's p.o.'d they look for the fathers butt to kick they're not kickin the kid's. An uncle gets the best end of the deal -the relationship with the kid- and none of the "work" of the father.

I never thought you'd mentor me! *tries to pretend I'm not super excited about this. Tries to keep a manly straight look*

As you know I've always watched over your posts and considered you my 'forum idol', so this is just cool and gives me the excuse to follow you around(*cough* I sort of did it before anyway)

Online is still good - even if I'd love a offline mentor as well. That will be a lot harder for me to come across.

Oh, and I clicked on the link and started to check out the website as soon as you suggested I look into it. I don't know if theres any for boys/men or if theres any around here or online...but I'll do more reseach on the subject.

[Guest Zabrak]

I dunno, I get what Zabrakk's sayin (correct me if I'm wrong) its the "male bonding" . It isn't "really" the tying the tie, its just a vehicle. I didn't have any brothers when I was a kid, I grew up in a house with 7 cousins, 6 of them male, and a friend of the family's little girl who hadda live with us like 8-10 months out of the year. The relationship between brothers was like a pentacle of yearning. Because they were male and bonded not just by siblinghood but maleness. The person I was closest to as a kid was my grandfather, I wanted to do whatever he did so we would be "similar", walk in his footsteps, do what he would do. I played cards like I was 40 before I ever even entered school because he was gambler and thats what we used to do. I was someone for him to count cards to and practice on and learned well emulate my "hero". He was a great man and person but the focal point is he was male. Not by "default". Not cuz of "parts" because he was internally and reveled in what it meant to him to be male. Its often occurred as I grew and moved inside adulthood the most enjoyable circles of people to "hang out" around are male circles; genetic, transgendered, transitioning, whichever. Its the bonding over being male. If a genetic male -cisgendered- allows you to learn how to tie a tie while accepting you as a transmale or "not female" then you enjoy "what it is to be male", however fleeting, with that individual. I only truely felt that some from one male as an adult. A co-worker of all people. Who treated me (I was close to 30 then, he was 57?) like a "young" man he was mentoring. Was it all about teaching things like "ties"? No. Some (the most part) was hanging out and hearing whatever I would tell him and then giving me his view as an older man who'd done whatever it was I told him was going on. God I wish I had more I might actually know what I was doing the majority of the time

Anyhow I just wanted to say, Zabrak, I know where you're coming from.

Yeah - Evan understands.

It's just always consciously being aware of a mentor and bonding with them. Watching them closely - mirroring yourself after them in some ways. Listening/taken in their words more then others. The only thing we can't do online is hang out. It's really not the same as in real life. Thats OK though.

[Guest Zabrak]

I'd offer to help you sweetheart, but I think that it would be very odd having your Momma mentoring you on how to be a man (although I do have 57 years experience)

Love ya,

Sally

P.S. I can tie a tie on a moving bus with out a mirror just as fast as in my home with a mirror - four in hand or double windsor!

LOL

One day I'll know how to do this.

[Guest Cody_T]

I pretty much do this with my dad/have always done this with my dad. And he's not really aware that he's mentoring me, but it works okay for me right now . I'm lucky in that my parents are still happily married, my little sister fills the "girly" role, and my brother was my best friend when we were young. When we were like, 8-11, our neighborhood was in development and we could "borrow" scrap wood and nails from the projects. My dad works in construction (although he's just like, an exec), so he taught us how to build things with it. And I did con my dad into teaching me how to tie a tie a little ways back... totally forgot it, of course. But it's a start. So I had some good male influence and all. And I feel like a total idiot going to my two years younger brother for advice, but I'm still kind of hoping he'll help me out with the social things once I tell him, cause he's good at those. So if I can keep a good relationship with my dad and brother I think I'm set.

And Evan, of course, has it exactly right. It's the relationship rather than the functional information. Which is how I enjoy listening to my dad talk about business for hours on end? I think...

Sort of on a similar track... I'm wondering whether anyone else has had this experience. As a kid, we always got asked who we looked up to or who we would want as a mentor or whatever... and the implicit thing there was that you had to pick someone of your own gender. And so I thought people were totally insane to have role models because there wasn't a woman in the world (that I knew of at the time) who I'd want to be like. It hasn't come up since 7th grade, but I just recently realized that for the first time, I have role models- and they're all guys. It was kind of a good "okay the world isn't actually crazy" realization.

[Guest Jackson]

As for mentors, I have mine built into my reenacting unit and I've been under intense study since 2003. Actually studying them was more during the first few yeas when I was trying my hardest to not stand out as female. Now that I've been doing that since then, I'm pretty well into the male sector. Oddly enough, I didn't have to try very hard anyway. It seemed to be more second nature than anything else.