Not the meeting I had planned on going to ---

[VickySGV]

Ok, alright already so I made a boo boo!! I had planned on going to a meeting at my church tonight for a totally NON alcoholic reason (I am on the lay governing board there) and when I got to the church, found out the meeting was not tonight. OOPS

On the way over there from my house I had seen a sign with the triangle in a circle and the time my first meeting was to begin. It was newly painted, and definitely said AA on it. This meeting was in a church hall that is WALKING distance in a safe neighborhood area. WOW. On the way back to my house feeling a bit silly, I noticed as I got near the sign at the curb I still had 5 minutes to go in, so I did.

This was actually my first meeting with this group ever, and I do have a Welcome Chip from them in my purse and collected several hugs as well. At no time did my Trans* status come up, and I found nothing where it was even appropriate for what went on. This is a discussion meeting with about 15 other people at it. The topic for tonight was Gratitude, and I got my nickle in on the topic.

As a young teen. I had had an experience where a person had taught me about a Native American custom of a Dawn Song, which is a chanted prayer of thanks giving for the dawn of a new day. It is a song of thankfulness and welcome and has no room for asking for help in the day, or of detailing any faults or hopes, only and singularly a song or chant of thankfulness that you are awake. I had remembered that custom for many years even as my world crashed and burned in a sense from my mother's drinking and death from her alcohol abuse when I was 25, and my father's co-dependence on her that lasted for the next 38 years.

I neglected my Dawn Song during my descent into the true HELL of alcoholism from 1984 until my first recovery began in late 1988. A few months into that recovery I re-discovered the need and feeling that it was right to do that , and it fitted into my program at the time, and truly helped. One prayer each day that was ONLY for thankfulness for the day itself.

I did not tell people tonight that my GD was at the root of my relapse, but I did tell them that when I had gone off my 16 year long recovery period, the last thing I could ever think of was just to be thankful for having a day begin. In fact I cursed each day I woke up with the effects of alcohol in my body, all the effects except the one I wanted, which was peace with myself.

Today 5.5 years into recovery, it is again an important part of my day and even though I know I will need help and support later in that day, it is important to welcome the dawn as a gift freely given. It is important that nothing spoil or take away from that thankfulness and gratitude.

++++++++++++++++

So I got to the wrong meeting!! Maybe not, I saw tears on some faces and have a new group who took my declaration of being an Alcoholic at face value and key to participation. It was the first meeting where I was Vicky only and I felt welcome and like I truly belonged there, it was so wonderful.

[Michelle 2010]

What a wonderful heartwarming story Vicky :-)

I, too, have found that my trans status was more important to me than to those I encountered at new meetings... I have been to several women's groups and other mixed groups where no one knw the "old" me. In every case I was simply accepted and treated as any other visitor. When I am open and friendly, it seems to be reciprocated. It's so important that all trans alcoholics who are new at coming out or who are new to AA believe that have a right to claim their seat; and further, that if they are open and friendly that it is likely to be returned in kind. Will it always happen? Dunno.... But for me it has...

Michelle

[Charlize]

Thank you for sharing that beautiful story. I love the idea of a morning prayer. Like the birds that have returned new to this spring. They sing each dawn, perhaps to find a mate or defend a territory but i choose to believe out of pure joy at a new day. I need to add a prayer of thanksgiving and gratitude in the morning. With sobriety and transition i truly have so much to be grateful for. I'm actually beginning to see the beauty that this world gives me day by day.

I certainly think that you found the right meeting! A new accepting group is another reason for thanksgiving.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Gregg Jameson]

Hi Vicky,

What a beautiful account of your evening.

You continue to amaze me.

You are a deep well of wisdom, insight, knowledge, understanding, love -- all without pretense.

Just when I think I have read the most beautiful, insightful and honest post written by you, you again top it with yet another!

You are beautiful inside and out, Vicky!

You have touched my heart and have brightened my day, once again.

Thank you for being here with us and for sharing so freely.

We are very fortunate to have you with us here.

Keep On Shining!

Hugs!

Brad