Worried for what a new year brings...

[Guest Plush]

Hello everyone, before i start, I'm still a little nervous about posting on this forum and i hope this is the right section to post this in; so bear with me. So basically I've had thoughts troubling me for quite some time now, so I'm going to ask. Should I come out as a female next school year? Will i pass? Will i be accepted? I do apologize but I'm still nervous to post a picture of my face, but i think it's kind of feminine except my extremely bushy eyebrows and my nose... Anywho, basically I go to a charter school, most people in the community are kind but some can be huge jerks, and overall it's a small school, about 600 people 7-12th grade. Attending right now are 5 transgender people that i know of, 6 including me. Overall people are accepting to them. But in my case, I'm different then any of them. The thing is.... they are all FTM transgenders and I'm the only MTF transgender. Each of them pull off a male look, dress like a man, act like a man, look like a man, with the exception of a minuscule sign of their breasts. For the time being, they seem like boys just starting puberty. But with me its different, my voice is semi-deep, i look like a guy, but i act like a girl. People think I'm gay but I'm not, I'm really a transgender but they don't know that. A few times actually some guy might come up to me when i'm talking to someone and be like "what are you a girl or something" i cant help but blush furiously while they walk away laughing their brains out. Another time i forgot to wash off all my makeup from home the pervious night and 3 people asked if i had makeup on. Hints? Sure, leave it at that. Sorry for rambling, anyway i'm scared i wont be as accepted being a MTF at my school because i might not pull it off. I can't really think of a valid reason to be honest. It's like I'm the first MTF there and while people are used to FTM it will be different for me since nobody else besides me at my school is a MTF. I'm sick of being refered to as a guy, everytime someone calls me by a male term i can not help but get depressed. I could be really happy and then someone calls me a he and I'll instantly be depressed again. Away from the school predicament, this summer i will be going to an amusement park and I really want to dress as a female there but I'm too scared to do it, what if i get weird looks? What if someone attacks me for my appearence? What if i do pull it off but my voice ruins it all? So what do you all think i should do? My mother told me she thinks its best to wait till i graduate but the thing is, i can't wait that long. I'd probably be dead before i get to that point if i dont change something. Oh and I'll be a freshman next year. Hopefully a freshwoman though

Best Wishes!!! Jackie<3

[VickySGV]

Jackie -- I do think you can live with being a teenage guy for a while longer if you have as many uncertainties as you do at the minute. I did not even know the term "Transgender" back in 1962 when I began my High School Freshman year, but knew things were badly screwed up and I was not the person I tried to be so darned hard. I do remember how much of hurry I was in at your age to get to be older and now look at life in the other direction. All of us GD folks have to learn to be survivors, but we make it in time.

As far as going to an amusement park in girl mode this summer, why not? Wearing a pink baseball cap, a print T shirt and shorts is what I wear today to do it. I just fit in with what the other girls are wearing. Unless the park in Disneyland or Disney World, I would stay away from princess outfits, but a skirt or skorts would be fine. If you are smiling, people will think you are a girl, since guys don't smile as much.

Is there a GLBTS group on campus? If the guys there at school are part of it, join it and use that as a way to get in with them and make them your friends. At that point they can accept you into the circle, and the gay thing will get straightened out.

Keep coming here and working on coming out gradually and maybe not for your freshman (freshwoman) year, but possibly there is a prom dress in your future in your Junior or Senior year. Hang in there and you will make it, and live as long as I have.

[Charlize]

Jackie do your parents know how you feel? often their opinion and support means much more than our opinions. That being said i would talk to them about going to a gender therapist. My GT helps many young people, many of whom are younger than you. If you are going to transition at school you will need support. FTMs have a bit of an advantage in that many girls dress like boys at times. Boys however never dress like girls except at Halloween when they may have the freedom to express themselves.

Listen to your mom but also consider therapy. The therapist can help both you and your parents and who know maybe you can enter high school as a freshwoman. It is amazing how things change but as Vicky says you do have time. Try to enjoy your time regardless of your gender presentation. If you can do that you will be able to be even happier later.

Oh by the way i was shy when i came here as well but as you might notice it wears off.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Ravin]

Is the school administration supportive? Do those trans guys use the male restroom without hassle, etc.?

It sounds like your peers already know Something is up with you.

Have you seen a therapist? A gender therapist can help you work out what the gender stuff means for you and help you figure out the what's and when's of your next steps. They can also help your parents understand. That would be my next step in your shoes--ask your mom about seeing a therapist.

[Guest Plush]

Is the school administration supportive? Do those trans guys use the male restroom without hassle, etc.?

It sounds like your peers already know Something is up with you.

Have you seen a therapist? A gender therapist can help you work out what the gender stuff means for you and help you figure out the what's and when's of your next steps. They can also help your parents understand. That would be my next step in your shoes--ask your mom about seeing a therapist.

Yes, the school administration is supportive but still can't use the bathroom of which gender we aren't biologically(meaning born female cant use male bathrooms). However, we do have non-gender specific bathrooms that we're allowed to use. I do have a therapist, but he does not know about my gender problems, he's just a basic therapist, I'm not sure if my mother would let me see a Gender therapist though... should I tell my normal therapist? Thanks to everyone that replied i would quote you all but im not sure how to double quote, I'm on a mobile device, but anywho, @Charlize my parents do know but aren't that supportive, i think they are trying to deal with the fact that they don't have a son anymore still, i know its hard on them, but when i told them they tried to discourage it, well my mom basically; my dad is just an obedient husband that listens to my mother. So its kind of in the middle as far as knowing if they support me rightnow. One thing my mom told me was its probably a phase but i know it is not, phases dont last for years and years. And thanks to you too Vicky, I'll keep in mind to stay strong when im feeling down, and just think of that dress hah. There is a lgbt support group but im scared to go there, i'm not sure why but i just am... so yeah, thanks again everyone, already feeling at home here!

Best Wishes to all of you!

[Guest LizMarie]

You should talk to your therapist. No one graduates from college as a "gender therapist". It's something they acquire from experience working with patients who have GID. Your therapist may be able to help you directly, or may make a recommendation to your parents that you see someone else. You can also ask your therapist to not reveal this information to your parents right now and they are ethically bound to not reveal it so your parents would not know why you might get recommended to see another therapist.