Should I do this?

[Guest Deandra]

Hey all

I was wondering if it would be a good idea to CD in front of people who disapprove of it like my mom for example. It seems as if my mom doesn't really trust me since she knows about my CDing and for the fact that she's a christian. I mean she won't let me hang out with friends or go anywhere else except for work. She wants me to attend church whenever I can but I really don't want to because I'm not so religious. CDing is one of the things in my life that makes me happy and I would prefer to not always do it when she's not around forever. Right now I can't afford to live on my own. I wonder would CDing in front of her make her accept me over time? Has anybody tried something like this before with positive results?

Deandra

[Guest ashleynikole]

Hey Deandra. So sorry to hear your mom is not that accepting of you. I know how hard it can be. My mom (who is a Christian, as am I) is in the denial phase but at least she's not being overly bible-thumping (for lack of a better term).

The best advice I can give you is to do your best when she is around. From my experience, if you throw it in her face, she will not accept or respect you any more than now and she will most likely use it to justify her need to thump you even more. I speak from my own experience in life with trying to convince people of something that perhaps they either won't consider or do not want to consider.

Perhaps someone else will come along with better experience and until then, God bless and good luck.

Ashley

[VickySGV]

Will she let you do it in front of her??? Slapping her in the nose with a pair of wet panties when she is not ready for it is going to get your belonging tossed out at the curb side. No harm is trying to get her to let you. If she thinks it will help you "get over" the thing, she may go for it. Let her have that hope and you may make it. Just no nasty surprises to her though.

[Guest Jackle]

If you can't afford to live on your own then give her some more time to get used to the idea. It's unfortunate that she doesn't get you right now, but surprising her may make things more worse than better. If you just ease it on her slowly day by day things may turn out well. It might take a while, and even when you finally move out that may be when she finally sees how much it is apart of your life.

[tracy_j]

I prefer to take things slowly. It enables me to judge the situation better.

Suddenly shocking people does not work (at least in my experience). It gives unpredictable results so may well be counterproductive at home and downright dangerous in the community.

Tracy

[Guest Deandra]

Well if I wanted to take things slowly with her then what steps should I take?

[tracy_j]

Hi Deandra

When I take things slowly I look at things from the eyes of another. Observe myself and also the other person and think what each would be thinking and how they would be viewing the situation.

You could put yourself in the place of your mother trying to understand you. Would it be worse for her just to see a minor change in what you are doing, or to change completely and not be the person she recognises! She may not like the little things and nag a bit but it may well be easier on both of you. You will both learn from each other.

I often wear feminine (even female) clothing but in a male way. For example - A common thing I wear is a cami vest or dress but worn under a shirt or jacket to cover the shoestring straps so to reduce the obvious 'I am a woman' look to subtlety feminine. Still noticeable (especially by a woman) but in my location - accepted. Little things which enable you to proceed without raising too much fuss or creating a situation which your mom's pride and instinct would demand she address.

In doing so i have also learned what fits together and sizes etc without putting on a strange outfit and taking too any chances. If I wear women's clothing now I can generally tell what is likely to be accepted as a man just being feminine (or effectively androgyne) and what is not - ie needing to appear fully female. Little things or changes I have found are accepted by society in general. This does make my life far less stressful so I can concentrate easier on the relationships (as Tracy a bit sparse at the moment but at least I have time to dream lol).

One thing to remember is that acceptance is not the same as understanding. Apart from here I do not think anyone understands me but I have found some acceptance. I have found that this comes easier by gradual progress.

Just a few of my thought and experiences. I hope it conveys a bit of my philosophy. I do not say it is right but I have not found it wrong.

Love

Tracy x

[Guest Deandra]

Hey Tracy

I see what you're saying now. Hmm..well I have a few women's shirts that are round necked and one of them is v necked. I also have one pair of leggings. Would it be a small change to wear just one of the shirts while wearing my regular pants? Or wear the leggings with my regular white Ts? I need to get more clothes. I do have a wig too but I know that's a big thing to see.

[Guest Clair Dufour]

Even though you pass (from your pic's), doing it in front of people you know is a problem. Your choices are, move to a big city like New Orleans or Memphis, find the LGBT underground where you can express yourself and/or find stealth ways of expressing yourself without upsetting those close to you.

As Tracy points out, that's a trade off.Even if you can't always wear all girl clothes at one time, you can always wear some of them all the time. You can also distract them by doing things that are accepted in the African American community. Bald,and blinged like Dennis Rodman and others will distract them from what your wearing and still give you that girl look. Just don't over do the makeup or padding.

[Guest ashleynikole]

When I first started, I would only wear girly stuff to bed. Then I started wearing girls jeans that fit really well. This way I am looking more androgynous than masculine but still wearing feminine clothing. After a while I started wearing leggings around the house to the point that my boy mode is very androgynous borderline feminine and my girl mode is very much feminine. My kids don't even bat an eye any more.

Also in getting my nails done, I went with a sort of sparkly clear gel for the fingers so it didn't stand out in public and my toes started with light colors and now I change the colors about once a month (easy to hide your toes in socks if needed).

Good luck.

[Guest Rachel2/6/65]

I would respect her desires. It will be unpleasant for her, and create a volatile environment, where you will not enjoy dressing like a lady. She is your mom, and out of all the people in the world, she deserves your respect.

Tell her you would love to dress more feminine, and tell her Jesus wore a robe and sandals. There are some fabulous robes and sandals you may could get her to accept.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearest Deandra,

Hon, ironically crossdressing is less understood than transexualism. I would reccommend that you refrain from your desire to out yourself to your parents when you know that they are unapproving. Being transgendered still requires stealth and discipline for ones safety and security. Even at my age, coming out demanded enormous time and energy to deal with my family. I am middle aged and very successful and independent. Interestingly then, my family thought they could impose their sense of gender on to me. If I were a minor, I would have been crushed. Sensibility says to me that you should express the need to see a therapist. Take it from me...being transgendered never goes away. One must embrace it.

Love

Brenda

[Guest Deandra]

@Clair For me, I don't think I can enjoy CDing if I'm not wearing a wig with bangs that cover my masculine forehead. If I didn't have such a heavy brow bossing then yes I could enjoy CDing without a wig.

@Ashley I've thought about wearing girl jeans especially those tight ones. If I do buy some soon I hope she wouldn't notice they're girl jeans and mistake for tight mens jeans. As for nail art, really haven't shown much of an interest yet that is. I am an artist myself so it's probably something I'll get into somewhere along the line.

@Rachel I know she's my mom and I have to respect her. I was just wondering if this would be a good idea or bad idea even though making that decision would be drastic. We've gotten into enough fights already.

@Brenda It seems you're telling I'll have to wait a while before I can dress all that I want. I already have a therapist so no need to worry about that.

Thanks for your replies everyone!

Deandra

[Guest Alyssa Leigh]

Hi Deandra

When I first came out to my mom, I came out as Transgender but after time decided that going the whole way from male to female wasn't for me, at least at the current time. At first she didn't accept it, and went as far as to ask if I was able to handle doing certain things inferring that I was weaker all of a sudden. Some of the things I did was paint my toe nails, wore women's jeans, let my hair grow a little bit, etc. She finally came around, and even went shopping with me for women's clothes. Unfortunately after many therapy sessions, and electrolysis sessions I decided to hold off on doing anything more until I fully move out of her place and state.

what I am getting at is I am sure that your mom will eventually accept you, but it will probably take some time for her to get used to. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.