Hello All

[Guest ToughGuy]

I am new here, but not all that new to the world.

I am a MtF CD. Like many here, I'm sure, my interests started at a very young age.

Maybe 6-7 years old, finding mom's lingerie drawer to be heaven sent!

Growing up with 2 sisters, and finding that there clothing fit me,.... uh oh... I like this!

Then my teens came along, high school, lots of female friends, as well as male, confused to say the least. But hey, who isn't at that age?

Met a girl, (still with her today) CD thoughts vanished, (so I thought)! We are together 8-9 years, everything is great!

And then..... CDing is back knocking on the closet door, I answered and stepped inside.

Very limited dressing occurred while the SO was at work, until she came home early one night.

Nearly busted, with a few clues found by her, I managed to escape a total outing. An immediate purge followed the very next day. 12 years go by, CDing was done!..... YEAH RIGHT!

It snuck back in slowly, try some stockings, OK, try some panties, OK, go buy some heels,OK.

Now it's full on, make-up, wig, bras, dresses, skirts, jewel\ry, nail polish, and perfume! 100% vested!

I join here to find understanding and support. My hope is to find out if it is in my best interest to make a reveal to my SO, or do I remain "The Closet Queen".

Thank you all,

TG

[VickySGV]

Welcome TG -- I am not the one to have much information on how to stay in a closet, because I never was able to, but by the time my closet door burst open, I was a born again single for other reasons. I was doing the single parent thing for three teenagers at the time, and they had played hooky one day when I came home to telecommute "en femme" and we caught each other!!! I did not fully come out then, but it was no surprise to them when I did, and they and their mother, who is now again a co-parent (but not marriage partner) accept me to individual degrees.

Hiding our cross-gender lives can be a high to a certain degree, with the fear of disclosure spicing up our lives, in some cases erotically. That high feeling in time though does give way to anxiety and depression and eventually things happen when we WANT to be discovered and "outed" to get rid of the stress. You are the one to decide if you have reached that level and need to come out. This is a hack phrase around here, but "A Gender Therapist" is a good investment and a source of help in dealing with those people who are important in your life.

Welcome to the Playground and enjoy your stay here, there are those here who can only have brief hidden moments with their cross gender selves, and a couple like me who are fully transitioned and live full time in our true gender. We do moderate and approve all posts based on the Terms & Conditions which you can find in a link at the lowest right hand corner of any forum. When you get 5 posts in, you can use the Personal Messenger (PM) system, and ask any of us on the Mod staff if we think a post you want to make will fly, or if you have questions that you do not wish to ask on the open forum. Have fun and we will try to help you, even if its just to send virtual Hugggssss..

[Charlize]

Hi dear and welcome to Laura's. You must have been reading my story. In my case i finally came out to my spouse after trying(mostly successfully)for 40 + years to hide in the closet you describe. I had started to go out in public every day to shop or when possible to do my workday. I got to be a quick change artist in the car; one moment male next a female putting makeup on instead of driving. I became as Vicki described very depressed and had some terribly negative problems partially do to my depression. As i was given solutions to one of those problems( drinking) i also found honesty and finally the ability to listen to others.

I found Laura's and went to a Gender Therapist (GT) as Vicky described. I came out of the closet a couple of years ago and my marriage has survived. It took time and a real look at what path was right for me. We all need to understand that our paths, while similar, are different. If i could have remained comfortable with a bit of CD then fine. A GT can help us find our path and perhaps help us with the courage to accept it.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest AliciaDB2014]

Hi ToughGuy,

It sounds like you've been with your spouse a long time. My guess would be that she already has some hints that something is going on. I know in my experience no matter how many times my husband told me nothing was going on in his brain, I knew he was keeping something from me. He had been making comments over the past few months, but I never paid much attention to them. My husband is a "manly man"... in the medical field, good shape, military guy, big, burly, strong guy. The last guy you'd ever imagine cleaning the house in a swing skirt and heels. So when he finally did decide to come out to me, it was unexpected but not off-putting. I, for one, am happy he didn't hide it from me. I'm glad that we are able to go through a lot of this journey together, rather than him doing it in secret and hiding from me. It takes some time to adjust (from my standpoint) and he said it was odd to dress in front of some one else the first few times, but now its just part of who we are.

My suggestion would be to start slowly and see how it goes. its not fair to either of you for you to be hiding and she should at least be aware of it. She doesn't have to participate, or even be home, when you dress - but she should have the option to make that choice.

Hope to see you around!

Alicia

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, TG. Interesting initials, I must say. You are correct, this is a great place to get understanding and support. Ask any questions you like, post any comments, start a new thread in any of our forums (except the Teen Forum), and we'll be there for you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ToughGuy]

Thanks for the warm welcomes, I appreciate everyones point of view, and am willing to listen to each and every one.

Vicky, I understand that there are many different levels of CDing, I certainly do not judge anyone for their particular interests.

You are correct that there is a bit of a "high" associated with keeping the secret, and I may be approaching the time you mention, that I just want the secrecy to end.

Charlize, I totally agree , Many of us travel a similar path, but we are all on our own path. This situation with my SO has been the hardest part of my CDing.

Alicia, You may be correct in assuming she may have an idea, but I doubt she has any Idea of how far this has gone in a short time.

I realize making the reveal will affect her, as much as it would give me relief from the secrecy. but then theres the stress on the relationship, and that would see that as being my fault, that would set me down another guilty pathway.

Thank you Carolyn, I give great hugs when someone needs one too!

Vivian, Slow and steady wins the race! Where is the starting line?

Thanks again to all of you,

TG

[gennee]

HI TG and welcome to Laura's. I learned early that those urges never go away. I used to say that it's a phase only to discover that it was strong and getting stronger. The support here is great. Ask any questions you may have.

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Tough Girl,
<<< hug >>>
Welcome to Laura's Playground.
Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.
The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.
Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.
One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.
We all look forward to seeing you.
vanna