My wife and I had "The Talk"

[Guest AshleighP]

You know the talk. The one where I tell her (almost) the total extent of my dressing. It all started Sunday when I decided to put on a skirt instead of shorts because it was hot. She already knew about the clothes. She didn't say anything about it, just looked at me funny. I guess subconsciously I was hoping it would open the door to telling her more about me.

She asked pointed, specific questions and I answered them. She now knows that I have all my own makeup (not using hers) and that I have a wig. We talked about what I do when I dress, how often I do it, and whether I want to be a woman. We discussed who has the largest selection of women's clothes, she does but I'm gaining all the time. I believe she has actually been doing some research on the topic as she used terms such as "dressing". I didn't think she was ready to hear about breast forms yet. Topic for later discussion. She said that she believes I am a Crossdresser and not transgender. I told her that was an accurate assessment.

All in all it was a profitable conversation. I feel a little more at ease dressing in front of her. Baby steps.

[Guest Kenna Dixon]

It's good to read that the lines of communication are open. You may find yourself evolving as time goes on, and I think it's crucial that our significant others be kept up to speed on any changes we go through.

I would like to offer one suggestion. It might be productive to initiate occasional conversations on the subject yourself rather than waiting for her to ask questions. That would help to maintain an atmosphere of openness and allay any unfounded fears on her part that you're hiding something.

[Cyndee]

Nothing better than communicating with those we care about Ashleigh, and these topics are all really good ones you mentioned. Perhaps this may open the doors to her seeing you fully dressed ? Going out with you dressed ? or other advances ?

Onward and forward.

Cyndi -

[Charlize]

I applaud you for being as honest and open as you can be. I hid for most of my life and it had a big toll on both body and mind. Freedom from shame and some acceptance has meant so much.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Carolyn Marie]

That's very good news, Ashleigh. At least she didn't shut you down. Baby steps is definitely the way to go. I know you know this, but it is just as important that you listen to her, as her listening to you. Needs and fears go both ways. I hope that both of you find common ground and a way forward that lets you both be happy.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Clair Dufour]

Im sure her greatest fear is that you are going to say that you prefer men. Thats something she can't work without being TG. At your ages and history the gender gap closes a lot. As long as you satisfy her and show love she probably does not care what your wearing or how you do it. But understand well, that interacting with your wife while dressed puts you at the same level as her and you may find that she is a much stronger woman than you are. But, its just another chapter in your relationship.

[Guest ashleynikole]

I can't speak from any perspective except my own and I'm here to tell you, tell her the truth about everything. I am not saying spew it out all at once. I applaud you for doing it with baby steps as too fast can destroy a relationship. However, keeping it all in and not trusting her with it, can also destroy a relationship. I built a fake marriage using a fake persona, but those seeds were sown 15 years ago and now I'm just reaping the harvest of destruction.

I pray that God's mercy will extend to your marriage.

God bless

Ashley

[Guest AshleighP]

Thank you all for the encouraging words and advice. I truly appreciate it. I am so glad I found the support and acceptance of this site.

Ashley, it's funny you should say this "I pray that God's mercy will extend to your marriage." One of the things my wife said is that she was praying God would take away my desire to dress.

[gennee]

Being able to discuss this is a positive. My wife and I had numerous conversations when I came out as a cross dresser. It took her time to accept this part of me. I'm transgender now but am not going to transition. My feelings ran deeper than just wearing clothes. From time to time we will discuss our thoughts and feelings. It's important to keep the lines of communication open.

[Guest ashleynikole]

Thank you all for the encouraging words and advice. I truly appreciate it. I am so glad I found the support and acceptance of this site.

Ashley, it's funny you should say this "I pray that God's mercy will extend to your marriage." One of the things my wife said is that she was praying God would take away my desire to dress.

Yep, I did that routine for 30 years (even before I gave my life to Christ) and it wasn't his plan for me. Even Jesus said in the garden before his arrest (paraphrasing), "Father if there is another way, let's do that, but otherwise we need to do what you know is best." Sometimes God's plan is more important than what we want. If you haven't read my story, you should. It contains the very events that changed my life forever. God's mercy can be freeing you of the desire or giving you peace in the midst of it. He calms the storm, or He calms His child.

God bless

Ashley

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Well done Ashleigh. Hope all goes well for you. Wishing you luck.

Hugs,

Eve

[Guest Fiona]

Good for you, AshleighP. I hope it turns out as well for you as it has for me....