My feelings

[Guest Adriana20]

Hi ,

I am feeling a bit anxious about my feelings, these days I am going to think deeply about it as I want to be sure who truly I am.

Thinking back in time I remember that in virtual worlds, such as games, I used to be a girl so I think may these feeling were there though I was not realized of them.

Was this year, not so long ago, when I realized that I am transgender. Now I am also questioning myself about transsexuality.

I feel that inside me lives a girl who wants to come out, and this would seems why I choose whenever possible to be a female in a virtual world because it ease a bit the pain I feel in real world.

Recently I made an female anime character of myself, I know it's such a small thing and a game but I am having a strong feeling of seeing myself like this and my desires to have a woman's body increases exponentially. Also, when I see myself at the mirror I see a woman, after all it's my desire so it might be for a biased expectation, but when I notice my facial hair I get angry.

I think that one of the biggest influences that led me to discover these feelings was the fact of wanting to dress as a sweet lolita (lolita as in japanese fashion). I tried a lolita dress and shoes but the feelings I have are something like: "I loved it but there's something that fails here" because of my male body.

I was fascinated for the idea of dress as a lolita, that was followed by the strong desire to do makeup, paint my nails, dress as a girl...Or in other words...be able to be freely to express my inner world.

I know that being transgender does not necessarily involves changing your body but there are these strong feelings I have to think about, so now I am going to discover further my inner world and investigate transition because I feel I might be transsexual.

[Carolyn Marie]

Hello again, Adriana. I think many of us can identify with the feelings you just described. Cross dressing is often the way we first began expressing the feelings of being a girl. It doesn't mean that cross dressing leads inevitably to wanting to transition, but it is a common starting place.

If you lived in certain countries I would recommend seeing a gender therapist. However, I don't see any GT's in Spain listed on our GT list. That doesn't mean there aren't any, though. You may need to check the Internet, or call some LGBT organizations in larger cities and towns to find out for sure. There are also online gender therapists who you can Skype with. They can be found here:

http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm

Physical and social transition are just two of many choices open to you. It's too early in your journey to make decisions on any of those now. Read the forum threads, ask questions, use the resources we have listed, and learn all you can.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Charlize]

Give yourself the luxury of moving slowly in your exploration. Many of us rush into decisions and feel a destination will make everything better. I've been finding that it is a continuous journey. I keep finding more about the world from a female perspective. I cross-dressed and then slowly discovered more than just looking female. Please do look for some professional help. My therapist was a great help. Without her help i doubt i would feel as comfortable in myself as i feel.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Adriana20]

Hello again, Adriana. I think many of us can identify with the feelings you just described. Cross dressing is often the way we first began expressing the feelings of being a girl. It doesn't mean that cross dressing leads inevitably to wanting to transition, but it is a common starting place.

If you lived in certain countries I would recommend seeing a gender therapist. However, I don't see any GT's in Spain listed on our GT list. That doesn't mean there aren't any, though. You may need to check the Internet, or call some LGBT organizations in larger cities and towns to find out for sure. There are also online gender therapists who you can Skype with. They can be found here:

http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm

Physical and social transition are just two of many choices open to you. It's too early in your journey to make decisions on any of those now. Read the forum threads, ask questions, use the resources we have listed, and learn all you can.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Give yourself the luxury of moving slowly in your exploration. Many of us rush into decisions and feel a destination will make everything better. I've been finding that it is a continuous journey. I keep finding more about the world from a female perspective. I cross-dressed and then slowly discovered more than just looking female. Please do look for some professional help. My therapist was a great help. Without her help i doubt i would feel as comfortable in myself as i feel.

Hugs,

Charlize

I am going to check out for LGBT associations here at my location and also I am thinking to get involved with their events as it would also help me.

And follow your advice of not rush as these feelings are so complex that I need to take my time to understand better them.

These sad emotions I am feeling are keeping me stronger and wanting to continue traveling in this pursuit of my true self and my happiness .