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wondering how to deal


Guest Micki

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Guest Micki

Hey all. I'm new here & I've adjusts felt something was, different, if you will. I'm not sure how to cope with things. My first concern, I put an app on my phone that was a "test" for ftm. Is this really an accurate way to know how I really feel? I've felt for a long time I'm a man trapped inside a woman's body. But this test thing told me I'm androgynous. I don't feel a mix between the two. Anyone have any advice? I can't afford to do the whole therapist thing & I've only confided in one other person. Although understanding, I don't think she really believed or truly comprehended what I was telling her. Please help!

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  • Forum Moderator

First of all welcome to Laura's,

I'm afraid that those tests are not particularly accurate. If you can't afford a therapist perhaps you could go to a GLBT center and talk to folks there. In larger cities many have therapists who work on a sliding scale. Therapy in the long run can make a big difference.

In the meantime read and post here. I learned a great deal about myself by relating to others here at Laura's.

Hope to see you around.

Hugs,

Charlize

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  • Root Admin

Hello Micki,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. :) As Charlize said, don't put to much stock in those kind of tests. No test can accurately tell you what you are.

You are what you feel that you are.

MaryEllen

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Guest Micki

Thank you both for clearing up things about those tests. I probably have a little more sensitivity than the average male but I have never really felt feminine, by social standards if you will. Which is the one good thing about myself, I came to a point in my life where I finally didn't give a crap what people thought about me. Unfortunately my struggle in all this lies in the fact that since I've figured all this out so late in my life, I keep it hidden. I just came out as gay about 8 years ago. Sadly since I did live at that time by everyone else's standards, I have a 9 year old, almost 10, son (it's not sad that I had a kid! I live my son!) I try to help him understand the difference in heterosexuals & homosexuals, as I have other members in my family that are out & proud, he seems to understand when it comes to them but he don't quite seem to grasp it where I'm concerned. I try not to take too much to heart, as he is only almost 10, but sometimes he'll see something on tv & be like "eww". I try not to get upset, but it does kind of irritate me. I would be hurt if other family members didn't accept that I feel I should be a man, but it would crush me if/when I have to explain this to him & he ends up not wanting anything to do with me anymore. I don't live in a state that has protection in the workplace for these situations & I live in a very Catholic conservative town, they don't even want casinos in my town! I hate not being able to be myself, other than being out as "lesbian" (if that's still how a ftm is referred to if they're into women? I don't know all the lingo yet!) I get tired of hiding!

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  • Root Admin

Does it really matter what others think of you? You don't have to get up on a stage and proclaim to the world, "I am a man". Live your life as you see fit. You don't have to explain anything to anyone. Just be yourself. Keep telling your son you love him and that you will always be there for him. I'm willing to bet that he will do the same for you.

Since you identify as F to M (Male) technically, you would not be a lesbian. It would be a hetro relationship. Others might disagree but that's my take on it.

MaryEllen :)

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Guest Micki

:-) other than the fact that I can't hide the two gigantic balloons under my shirt, I pretty much do live how I want :-D it took me a very long time to get over giving a crap about what others thought about me! I'm mistaken for a man almost on a daily basis anyway & I don't even correct people when they call me sir or that guy over there :-D I keep my hair in a sort of military style cut & I get done compliments & some confused remarks or questions! In my opinion they can all kiss my butt! I hate the most that I don't have the funds to do the therapist thing because I know they can help with the name change (another dead giveaway that screams woman) & the workplace factors. Hopefully one day I can! Thank you for clearing that up about whether I would still technically be a lesbian! I kind of thought that might be the case is that it would be hetero. You guys are great! I wish I would have found this site much sooner than I did!

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest miss kindheart

Hi Micki,
<<< hug >>>
Welcome to Laura's Playground.
Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.
The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.
Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.
One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules. :)
We all look forward to seeing you.
:wub: vanna

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Guest Squallsong

Hello and welcome Micki!

Of all the apps out there, I wouldn't put much stock in any. There's a few (mostly MtF ones unfortunately) tests around that can be self administered, but even the best ones aren't even moderately close to perfect. Gender identity is an infinite scale and I doubt that anyone fits at either of the two extremes...I would hazard a guess that sexual preference is likewise. For the most part, the better ones are meant to help people realize whether or not they should seek a professional to investigate the situation and/or consider a course of action to address gender incongruency.

As for "lesbian" concerns, as I understand it, I am "lesbian" (MtF attacted to females), while you are hetero (FtM atracted to females) as MaryEllen notes above and I agree with.

Having children while facing gender issues is so very challenging to us parents. We don't want to burden our children, yet we know that we are not being honest, nor are we happy, and our children sense it...especially our guilt. All the advice I can offer on it, is don't let it spin out of control! Your Son needs you to stay healthy and balanced. Hopefully you can find some answers here, and if you come up with any good answers, please share!

About therapy, I am wondering if you have access to any free services, even counselling that is not specific to gender therapy could be helpful, and may lead to reassuring you of your real gender identity, possibly open you up to approaches you haven't considered, or even introduce possible assistance towards meeting your true identity.

The chatrooms can provide some support as well, so don't be shy!

Take care and be well!

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