Things that could help?

[Guest shinyd9]

I'm not transitioning. I'm still confused and am not sure who I am. But I know at times when I look in the mirror I feel un easy about my apearance and who I am. I just want to be like the women I see on tv and the women that I have in my life. I don't like crossdressing because of the way the clothes conform to my body and I still feel manly. It just makes me more depressed because I want my body to look like a woman in those clothes and feel like one too. Are there things you can do before starting hormones? I know there are breast forms. I've never tried them before. I just don't feel like I have to keep fighting these desires anymore. I need to start changing myself I'm just on the fence still and im having a hard time completely coming out and jumping over.

[tracy_j]

Maybe it's an idea to talk to a therapist. Discuss your feelings and learn to understand your feelings better?

Being like a woman is to being the woman you are - which is not really someone else. Everyone is different. I see a woman in the street and think - I would love to have her figure - but so do many other women! Many women often do get depressed because they too do not have the bodies for sexy (or even just fashionable ordinary) clothes. They are women and they live with it!

Changing is obviously partly about looking different but also much more about feeling and acting different. Everyone is different in themselves so I could not really recommend. It takes time but it is something you need to do at your own pace and not rush.

My experience has been to be myself in the main. I do practice walking in a more feminine way. Do try to change my speech (not much but there is a little progress). I shave all my hair to look feminine (legs etc). Use moisturising cream etc to improve my skin and make it softer. I have feminine hobbies like sewing etc. I do use makeup - most days even when male (this obviously depends on your circumstances). I feel I like to be feminine which means I am not trying to be a woman (well maybe occasionally ) but do many things a woman would do like a woman. I enjoy learning to do so but also naturally live in that way (if you can understand my thinking there).

Being a woman is a full time job obviously. I have recently realised that to be in the position many of us are in is hard work as we have to be both men and women so lead two lives not just one

I try to relax and not push things - just be myself

I a not on hormones.

Just relax - look around Lauras and ask a few questions!

Hope it helps a little

Tracy x

[Charlize]

Please relax dear. I think we would all like to look like the women on TV. Most women have also had that desire. After going full time i complained once to a lovely young woman who lives on the farm with us. i've forgotten but it was probably my big hands or my shoulders that were bothering me. She immediately told me to stop right there. "Don't get trapped that way. No one is satisfied." I've tried to take that advise to heart and accept myself, flaws and all.

The above advice from Tracy is good as well. A gender therapist may be able to help you find comfort in yourself. That doesn't necessarily mean transition. We just have to find some peace within ourselves.

I enjoyed breast forms and still use some augmentation. I also used butt pads but soon gave that up.

You may find if you spend more time here there are quite a few ways we feminize our presentations. try to enjoy and find a path you are comfortable with today. Tomorrow will come as well.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Carolyn Marie]

You've gotten some great advice, hon. Please listen to what my sisters have to say. I won't repeat it; instead I'll just describe myself. I'm short, thick in the waist, a noticeable tummy, little (natural) hair, and a face only my mother, and my wife, could love. And yet, I pass fine, I have a very public volunteer position in which I've never knowingly been clocked, and I am very happy with myself and my situation.

We don't get to choose our appearance for the most part, it chooses us. it is up to us to modify what we can, enhance what we can, and be satisfied with the result. One need not be beautiful or sexy to be a woman. One just needs to BE that woman.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Cyd]

I will echo what several wise women have said, above, but from my own FTM perspective. There are some days when the measures I take to conform my appearance to my inner self are sufficient, and days when I feel like my unwelcome "woman parts" just won't get out of the way and let my male self be seen. It's easy to get stuck, "trapped" in impossible expectations as Charlize described, and to forget that it is far more important to accept yourself, do your best, listen to yourself (with a therapist's help, ideally), and just BE who you are. If you find that inner confidence and acceptance, I think you'll find acceptance from other people, too. I find that when I am comfortable and spontaneous, I am read as male far more often, even when I'm not wearing a compression shirt or consciously trying to "act male." Just be who you are, and don't worry so much about trying to achieve a particular feminine ideal. The more you love and accept yourself as you make your gender journey, the more the real you will shine through.