dilemma

[Guest G_Unit]

Hi ladies,

So I have a huge dilemma on my hands.

Everyone around me thinks i'm transitioning wrong because i'm not learning the fundamentals of being a woman first. They say I should be taking classes in order to learn how to be a woman. Well I can't convince them how wrong they are, because they think just because the one person they know in common who is Transgendered took classes somewhere to learn how to be a woman, like how to walk, talk, learn all the mannerisms, and all that, think that I need these classes.

Well I've spent maybe 30 minutes tonight searching for where you could get such classes, and without talking to the person the people around me tell me about, about where they took these classes. I have to almost call them a liar. Because I can't find anywhere around me that would have such classes. You'd think they'd at least have a website or something. But nope.

So here's a question,

How did everyone learn all the mannerisms and how to walk and talk like a woman during Transition. because I'd love some tips. I mean I'm a girl that prefers 1-1 when being taught something. and I don't do good observing other people anymore. So how did people do it. All my friends seem to busy to help me when they can. I don't know where else to turn. So again, looking for some tips on how to solve a dilemma people keep shoving in my face.

Stacy

[Carolyn Marie]

Stacey, I'm with you. Even here in Southern California, I don't know of any classes like that you described. Sure, you can find some voice classes or coaches, but classes on fashion, makeup, and mannerisms? Nope.

I got my education on makeup from Youtube and my son's girlfriend. I got fashion sense from trial and error, my wife, and watching what other women my age wore. Mannerisms I got mostly through trial and error and practice. I did buy a CD on voice, but mostly it was practice and more practice.

So I suppose I'm a DIY kind of woman. Maybe classes or coaches would be good; I suppose some gender therapists arrange such things or know about them, or through an LGBT center. But they aren't common. I wish you luck, hon.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Charlize]

There was a woman here in NJ who had a service that attempted to give classes. I heard about it at one point in early transition and went there to see what was up during an 'open' party. I wasn't terribly impressed. I don't think you need lessons as much as time and the experience of being yourself. If you are living as a woman your mannerisms will develop with time and some social interaction. There may be a reasonable course somewhere but even then it's practice that will create any change. I was lucky to have a girlfriend to travel around with and that alone helped a great deal. You will do fine so try to relax and be yourself.

Hugs,

Charlize

[VickySGV]

TG Conferences are a good place to get SOME of that type of help. There will be actual make-up trainers and "deportment" classes as well as voice intro classes. I would check with your local GLBT community center, since they may have a list of people who can do make-overs and other issues like that. A friend of mine here in Los Angeles did that for a number of years, but retired two years ago.

[Drea]

Why need classes?

I've seen it said that trans women have all female brains so there is nothing to learn, one just needs to let one by themselves.

You can take that or leave it as you feel it has merits.

In my opinion? The relevance of such is what you think of it. Ultimately it is about what you feel you need. It may be a good subject to bring up with your therapist both from the standpoint of what you might do and their seeming insistence that it should be done that way.

You have run into the big downside of the "awareness" push. Years ago there were stereotypes of what trans was but such were abstract and pretty weak because such was more heresy and had little experience in people's reality. Now as things have become fashionable the number of people who have had direct experience with some trans person (Not to mention documentaries they may have seen) if one doesn't fit the image of the person's experience with other trans or they seen in documentaries one is likely to experience more challenges.

From what I seen of such classes, they seemed to me to be so much about conforming to certain stereotyped image of women's behavior. A stereotyped image that in my opinion is more aligned with the sort of CD type presentation of a woman than the true diversity there that women exhibit.

[Guest ashleynikole]

I'm with Drea on this one. I didn't take any classes, I just was myself and let things flow as naturally as possible without thinking. People around me noticed it IMMEDIATELY, so much so that my ex-wife couldn't even stand to be around me (and she's gay). I was too feminine for her tastes. We are who we are and we need to be ourselves if we truly want to have confidence in who we are and how we interact with the world. Now if you want to be what the world thinks a woman should be, then by all means, watch women, look online, at the mall, anywhere you can people watch. That will help but if you just be yourself, I think you'll go further.

God bless

Ashley

[tracy_j]

I remember over the years several times people saying to me that I was most like a girl in whatever group I was in at the time! That was when I was subconsciously behaving in a femininine manner but not outwardly trying to.

I agree with the recent posts. Classes are useful for someone to learn something in isolation but there is no substitute for living the part. One exception I suppose is makeup. Makeup classes would be useful for many women besides ourselves .

Locally I have not heard of classes but I see no point for most. Confidence only comes with practice. Observe people around you, both male and female and notice how they behave. Practice the walking etc but don't try too hard. Enjoy it!

That said I have taken notice of things said here and other places online so it is a bit like an online class I suppose, but taken (at least here) from real life experiences.

Tracy x

[Guest Sarah1967]

Hi Stacey

If you want to learn the fundamentals of being a woman all you have to is observe other women how they walk etc just glance at them but don't stare . With me everything came natural even while I was growing up an it is hard for me act male when I'm in guy mode .. You can also check out youtube they are tips with heels an wedges an makeup an lots of other things ..

[Guest sydney]

Who says a woman has to do or act a certain way?? Just be yourself after all you have a female brain. Just do what comes naturally. Being taught makeup is one thing, but things like mannerisms and gestures, be yourself and create your own. There are many cis-women who have some male mannerisms and there is nothing wrong with that.

For me, I had female mannerisms before I transitioned and many though I was a feminine gay male. Well they were close, lesbian trans woman.

My wife doesn't wear makeup so I had to learn makeup on my own. She knew a few things, but I learned more for the Bare Escentuals store as they were very nice and taught me a lot. Just be observant of other women your age and go from there. The ideology that you have to be taught how to be a woman prior to HRT is old school 1970/1980's transitioning talking.

[Guest G_Unit]

thanks gals for all the tips and advice so far.. Really helpful.

[Guest Tamar]

Why need classes?

I've seen it said that trans women have all female brains so there is nothing to learn, one just needs to let one by themselves.

I'm with Drea on this one.I find the less I think about it,the more "accidental" passes I have.Until I completely forget,and use my male voice.That always gets me some startled looks.

[Guest LizMarie]

The only classes I'd recommend are real life. Watch and interact with other women. The socialization rubs off fairly quick if you are cautious and watchful, trying to learn.

[Guest G_Unit]

Seems like I've got the right train of thought then. But mine was more a trial and error type train of thought. Just have to get my head out of the clouds is all.

[Guest Penelope]

There is no need for any lessons; except voice training, which has helped me enormously.

For the rest, observe the girls and women around you and just release what's within.

The objective is to be truly yourself; not some stereotype.

Hugs,

Penny

[gennee]

I had some mannerisms before. I learned most of my mannerisms from observing other women. My wife has helped me out quite a bit.

[Guest crocsrule4]

Though I am not transitioning I feel as though those traits (mannerisms) have come naturally to me.

I feel blessed to have that gift