im so confused , i dont understand this about me

[Guest angelaiwish]

Sometimes I just need to cry , I don't understand me or this whole thing . can someone help me

[Carolyn Marie]

We would love to help, hon, but you're going to have to be more specific about what is troubling you, or what questions you have.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest angelaiwish]

All my life I have been a very masculine kind of guy, I was a boxer, pit fighter was involved with outlaw bike clubs , etc , now I wear skirts and dresses a want to be as girlish as possible . where did this come from, was it always there & I didn't recognise it, is it OK to feel this way, if so why is it so frowned on by society ?

[Carolyn Marie]

Those are very good questions, hon. They're the same questions many of us have asked about ourselves, and none of them have easy answers.

Were you always transgender? I can't answer that with certainty, but most likely, yes. Many of us early in our lives overcompensated for those feelings by getting into macho pursuits. Some of my friends went into the military, I myself was a reserve police officer, and some went into male dominated trades or hobbies. It is very common.

Where did it come from? No one is 100 percent sure why people are transgender (specifically, transsexual). The best research shows it may be partly due to genetics, partly due to hormonal changes in the womb, and for us older transfolk, there is often a connection with a drug pregnant women were prescribed in the 50's and 60's called DES. But research is ongoing and controversial, and it is not settled science. One thing for certain, though, is that it isn't a punishment from God, your fault, or a mental illness. It is a birth defect of sorts.

Is it OK to feel this way? See the last sentence in the last paragraph. We didn't ask for this, any more than anyone asks to be born with any birth defect. It is not a choice to be trans. What is a choice is what you do about it, and there are many choices to make.

I strongly suggest that you seek out a gender therapist, who can help you discover for yourself what it means to be who you are, what your options are, and what things in your life may be impacted by the decisions you make. It is complex, can be time consuming, but nothing is more important. There is no one right answer, and what was right for me isn't necessarily right for you.

Please keep looking around this place, asking questions, and learn all you can. it is an excellent first step on a long journey.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest sweetcharlene41]

Sweetheart, your going to have to give us more information as to what's troubling you, so maybe we can help. Iv'e a cross dresser all my life, I'm 73 now. I was an Army Airborne Ranger during Vietnam and served over there twice, Iv'e been married three time and my wive's predeceased me, I have children, two son's and three daughters, I had four, but one passed away at the age of nineteen, no one has ever found out my desire to dress or maybe a women, but it's there and I embrace, so please let us help in any way we can, were're here for you, good bless, love and hugs sweet charlene

[Guest Wanda Michelle]

Like the other girls said it is who we are. I've been cross dressing as long as I can remember and I'm 59 now. I don't know why it is but there is tremendous support here. I did all the masculine things too, was a college athlete, married and had children but I've kept this part of me hidden because society frowns on it. Cheer up. You'll find many others like yourself by browsing this site.

Hugs,

Wanda

[Guest angelaiwish]

Than you all for your comments and suggestions they really do help. I have been on other sights but I get tired of being hit on , I just need need some support and understanding from others like me . thank you , I will keep on this sight and hopefully some day be able to help others also

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Hi Angela

Just be strong. Laura's is a great site and everyone hear is so supporting. You won't get hit on or judged here. If you need to cry - cry. I have struggled for years trying to be "the man" when inside I wanted nothing to do with sports, being "the man", male attitudes and male behaviour. It caused me to have a complete breakdown in 1995 which lasted for years. It was only when I accidentally fell back into cross-dressing three years ago that I understood how I felt and am wired. I've felt so much happier since then. And core to a lot of this has been the superb help and support I have had from the girls on this site.

Be positive. Trust us.

Hugs

Eve

[Guest LizMarie]

Angela, trans folk often tend to overcompensate in various ways. Being especially "macho" is one very common way. I see that you are 42 years old. You were born and grew up in a time in which being trans was openly frowned upon by society across the board. Before the 1990s, trans folk, and especially trans women rarely came out publicly because of the backlash. Given that environment, many of us tried to suppress and hide from ourselves.

But what you need to do most is have a trained ear to talk to, someone who can help you sort things out, and figure out who you really are and where you are going, so I'm going to be yet another voice calling for you to find a therapist who is also trained and has experience in gender identity issues.

[Guest angelaiwish]

Thank you for your input everyone I will seek out a therapist and keep talking to others here. You are all so sweet and helpful . I have encouraged my wife to look up this sight also, I know she is just as confused as me .

[Guest Kati]

My heart goes out to you. To a degree I think I know what you are experiencing, but then again I'm not you. My life experiences aren't yours and vice versa. The tape playing in my mind may have similarities with yours, but you are a unique individual with your own spin on the sum and substance of life. I think the suggestion about seeking a professional gender therapist an excellent one. Be patient with yourself. Be safe.

[Guest BriyannaTyasia]

I Too Lived A Life Of The Over Macho Man..Playing Sports..Running The Streets..Hustlin and All Tht Goes With Tht.Like Most Of Us..I Knew,But,Where I'm From We Don't Show Weakness Unless You Hve A Death Wish.Now,Tht I've Gotten Older And Matured..And After Many Year's Of Denial..I Finally Got Tired..Accepted..and..Now,Fully Ebrace My Feminization.So,Ms. Angelaiwish..You're Not Alone Hunny