<3 <3 <3 Merry Friendly Hellos From A Very Insecure & SHY Girl <3 <3 <3

[Guest Daughter]

Hilo everyone, I don't know what to say to be fully honest with you all.. I have been on support forums like these in the past but have never ever really stuck around to be really engaged with an community. I am deathly shy to a point that I even have MAJOR social anxiety, I am even shaking just typing this. My old therapist suggested to me that I joined a forum like this and to try to be open and social and see where that leads me. I miss my therapist, she was so' helpful!! I had to stop seeing her because I just recently graduated high school, she worked at the online school that I went to..now I have nobody to talk to anything LGBT related with, I hope this forum changes that though!! I feel alone, really-really alone even though I am surrounded by people..not really anyone in my family understands me AT ALL..I am out to my whole family but they don't accept the true/real me, I am not allowed to get any support with being LGBT or even talk to really anyone about it as long as I live under their roof they have told me a lot of times..my mama said I could freely talk to her about being trans' but that was basically a huge lie, she gets REALLY upset even if I bring up the subject!! I am 19 nearly 20, I plan on moving out of my parent's house someday in the near future like maybe in about a year or two..I am not going to rush out of here even though its tough for me, I got to get a steady income & learn how to drive & some other important life things before I make a move to get away from my family..nobody in my current home ever physically abuses me so' I think I can take a little while more here!! I have no friends, I lost my only friend about a week ago due to him thinking that he can get "much cooler" friends than "odd little me". My last therapist (((the one I was talking about earlier in this post...))) was 110% convinced I was transgender (MtF), I told her my whole story and she was REALLY supportive about who I was..she was not the first person that I talked to about this with but she has had one of the biggest positive impacts on me because she really did make me feel NORMAL-SO'-'SO-Normal! I am so sorry about how random & boring this post has been, I am controlling my emotions about all of this. My parents & homophobic little brother are in denial of the fact that I am trans', they have always just told me that I am just an "hormonal confused teenager that is going through a weird phrase"..well, this does not feel like some "phrase" to me in any way, I have felt this way ever since I could remember..I did not know the name for it ofcourse but the feelings & emotions has always been there. I believe with my whole heart that I am an GIRL. I first REALLY noticed that I was "different" around the age of just 3 years old, I was not the average "boy"-the "other" boys my age wanted to play rough in the mud and stuff while I wanted to just sit and mess around with dolls. I have been in dressing in girl clothing in secret since around the age of 4-5, my mom still does not know that I have been secretly wearing her clothes for over 10 years even though I am OUT to all of my family!! I never ever got along with boys but always with girls growing up, pretty much all of my friends were girls. I loved playing dress up all of the time when I was younger. I also even thought that I would just magically turn into a girl when I was younger-I did not know anything really much about anything LGBT growing up so I just assumed when I was younger that I would just magically be in a body that I felt comfy' in somehow. I have always dreamt of being in a female body too, I have had vivid dreams of being a princess in a little cute blue silk dress. I have always hated my penis, I cant even look at it!! There were other clear signs of me being a trans' female when I was younger but I cant think of them right now because I am with tired.

My family are JEHOVAH WITNESSES, I grew up in a extremely really tight hardcore religious conservative household that was really anti-liberal. My parents think my whole being is an huge sin, it scares them.

Its really tough living with them, I used to run away from home a lot when I was younger because they drove me mad. Being bullied to almost death in school did not help anything too. I don't self harm or suffer majorly with any eating disorders anymore but I do sometimes get depressed and super anxious still.

Kids growing up always assumed that I was a "super gay boy" so' most of them were not-so-nice to me. I have trust issues to this VERY day.

Sorry that this post is pretty long, I am just trying to properly introduce myself. I can't cover everything about me in just this one post but I want to at least somewhat give you guys an idea of who I am. I normally have cute little smiley faces everywhere when I write/type but this whole post has been very emotionally taxing on me to be honest. <3 <3

Here are some fun acts about me: I love/enjoy drawing, writing, painting, reading, blogging, sewing, skydiving, traveling to faraway places, Europe football, rockclimbing, making music/videos, and ETC.....pretty much everything and anything even close to being artistic/poetic.

I love indie bands like Taken By Trees. My style is pretty much indie, I love wearing weird/odd clothes-I am not a huge fan of mainstream stuff now days. I dont really like labels very much but they are nice to use to explain stuff online.

Feel <3 free to ask me any questions, I am trying to be open about myself for once. There are prob' other things that I should add to this post but I am about to fall asleep I THINK. I hope to make at least 1 friend on here..I really do need a good person in my life. I hope theres no major typos' in here, my apologies if there are. Sorry if I am rambling, I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOO' nervous..I don't want to be rejected or hurt somehow. :/

OhieZz, one last thing for now.. My favorite color is green :)

[MaryEllen]

Hello Daughter,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thank you for sharing your story with us. There's no need to be shy here. You're among friends who totally get where you're coming from because they've been there too. Feel free to post questions that you may have. We'll do our best to provide answers.

MaryEllen

[Charlize]

Welcome to Laura's Daughter. Thank you for your introduction. I know how hard it can be to be honest with others but i've also found it gets easier with time and also with people who share many of there same experiences and feelings. i'm sure you will find others here you can relate to and will certainly see that you are not alone in your feelings.

Hope to see you about.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Cyndee]

My favorite color is green :)

Welcome Daughter to Laura's forums.

Many folks about that get it. Post away as the mood strikes ya, ask a question of the membership, or answer someone else's post.

I love green too, and I live in a real green place...

Hugs

Cyndi -

[Guest ashleynikole]

Welcome to Laura's Daughter.

There is someone here for everything you've gone through so you are among allies. No bullying here, you can be yourself.

I too know what it's like to be bullied for being me. I was bullied as a young kid and I learn things VERY quickly so I learned to emulate other guys so people would stop bullying me. It worked. It worked so well that I lost myself for almost 30 years. You don't have to do that. We are here to support you when you need it. Don't hesitate to ask.

Also, when you get a chance, check out the terms and conditions (link in lower right) so we can make sure that everyone is safe here and has a lot of fun.

God bless

Ashley

[Guest Wanda Michelle]

Welcome to Laura's! This is a wonderful place with amazing people. I'm sure you'll feel at home and make many new friends.

Hugs,

Wanda

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Green girl,
<<< hug >>>
Welcome to Laura's Playground.
Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.
The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.
Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.
One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.
We all look forward to seeing you.
vanna

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, hon. I hope you find here what you need.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Daughter]

Thanks yous very muchs for all of the lovely friendly welcomes!!!!! <3 <3 I feel all warm & fuzzy inside, haha. :) I have been busy today, hopefully I will be able to post here more in the future..

[Guest Jamie61]

Hi Daughter! I like green as well. I love the springtime here when things here start to grow and bloom!

Welcome to LP!

Jamie

[Guest Daughter]

Hi Daughter! I like green as well. I love the springtime here when things here start to grow and bloom!

Welcome to LP!

Jamie

I love the springtime!!

[Guest Daughter]

This forum does not seem nearly as active as it was in 2009, what happen??? It feels somewhat dead to me, which is discouraging for me

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Daughter,

I don't know if the forums here are slower paced than in 2009 since I only discovered Laura's Playground this year when I started coming out officially. You can count me as a friend as well, although in truth I am probably older than your mother. I also like green, one of my girlfriends has really nice green eyes that are strikingly beautiful. I love the green of spring, it reminds me of my travels in Ireland, and visiting my friends there. No reason to be shy here, you are amongst understanding friends.

Stephanie

[Guest Mia J]

Hello Daughter,

There are probably several reasons that things are slower here then in 2009.

I think one of the big reasons is that the attitude of the public has started to change about trans people and there is a lot more open information and understanding then there was before. That is a great thing.

Another reason is that Laura's has matured over the years. While we still have controversial topics we try to always keep comments respectful to everyone involved so that they do not turn into a flame war.

In the end how slow or fast the forums are is dependant on the members posting questions, information, and support. We are all part of making Laura's what it is today.

Mia