I came out to my kids tonight, it was tough and a little sad...

[Charlize]

It took my son almost a year to accept my changed appearance. Now it is just me again and the grandkids don't even notice. It's simply me and time has allowed that.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Carolyn Marie]

Most kids are very resilient and adaptable, I've found. He will adapt, and hopefully will learn courage and being true to yourself from you. Those are important life lessons. I wish both of you well, Jamie.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Jamie61]

Well... My daughter is supposed to stop by to see me as Jamie tonight. Keep your fingers crossed for me, that she does follow through tonight, I have been pretty anxious about having my kids finally meet me!

My love and support goes out to everyone who suffered the lost of a close family member over wanting to be genuine.

Love,

Jamie

PS Thanks for all your care and concern, it makes a big difference.

[Guest Raya]

Good luck, and God bless!

[Guest Jamie61]

Wow! That went well. My daughter is very supportive and we both seemed to be comfortable. It felt natural to me and she seemed at ease. It was cute when she knocked on my door and as soon as she sense my hesitation to open the door, she made a little kitty cat sound... it re-assured me. I posted a photo in my gallery. She made me feel wonderful about my appearance.

Very happy!

Jamie

[Guest]

i'm so happy to read that. That's wonderful

[VickySGV]

You and your daughter's other parent did a wonderful job on raising her to be an intelligent and loving adult. Take your credit where it is due, and while still not fully settled yet, it will grow stronger and more loving daily.

[Guest suden]

that sounds like a wonderful moment of sharing life togeather. So happy for you !

thanks for sharing , eden

[Guest Christina200]

My son refuses to speak to me after I told him about 6 weeks ago. My daughter was fantastic with me - choosing clothes for me, helping me buy a wig etc. Then we fell out once I pointed out to her that she only ever contacts me when she wants money. Now she won't talk to me either.

My mother took the news last week really badly and thinks I'm the original sinner from hell - devout catholic.

My sister seemed very understanding and sympathetic when I told her on the phone but hasn't rung me back even though I've texted her a few times.

So basically overall I would say that coming out has probably wiped out my entire family for me.

Their loss. Onwards and upwards!

Christina

[Guest Sarah Faith]

My son refuses to speak to me after I told him about 6 weeks ago. My daughter was fantastic with me - choosing clothes for me, helping me buy a wig etc. Then we fell out once I pointed out to her that she only ever contacts me when she wants money. Now she won't talk to me either.

My mother took the news last week really badly and thinks I'm the original sinner from hell - devout catholic.

My sister seemed very understanding and sympathetic when I told her on the phone but hasn't rung me back even though I've texted her a few times.

So basically overall I would say that coming out has probably wiped out my entire family for me.

Their loss. Onwards and upwards!

Christina

Honestly at least in my experience it takes family a lot more time than a few weeks to come to terms and even accept it. When I came out my dad threatened to sue me.. and we practically didn't talk for 4 or so years. Fast forward to present day and my Dad and I's relationship is fine. He's a hardcore republican good ol' boy kinda guy too. Though in his case I think it went a long way that I ended up looking alot like a younger version o my mom. It took a lot of time but the majority of my family came around.. I would say its a process, and it takes a lot of patience.. But I think if one can be understanding of their families hang ups.. You can eventually get around it.. While I am sure there are cases where the bridges are far too burned to mend.. I would still generally advise others to not assist too much in the burning of those bridges.

[Charlize]

Jamie i'm glad that went well for you! All of your bridges are intact. Loved the cat noise!

All of these things take time regardless and while we cannot control the reactions of others we can try to be patient and tolerant of those reactions even if they don't go our way. As Sarah mentioned burning bridges makes the rebuild much harder.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Christina200]

Yeah I've told them all that if they want to talk I'm all ears. Just have to kick back and wait for the phone to ring. My son did say he thought I should be in jail though - made me laugh!

I'm not Mrs Patient but I'm just getting on with my wonderful life and if they want to be part of that fantastic experience for me they have all the opportunity in the world to interact with me. It's completely up to them. I've found out the hard way over my many troubled years hat you actually have zero influence over other poeple (unless you're a bullying psycho like my ex wife who controlled me like a puppet master) so there's nothing I can do.

Thanks for the replies to my posts. I do like it when that happens.

Christina

[Guest Jamie61]

I hope the best for your Christina, it's very difficult thing to do, waiting. I really like what everyone has said about this (thanks!) and I agree that family takes this the hardest. It's taken 10 months for my daughter, who was supportive from the beginning, to want to see me. But doing it on her time table was the right thing to do ( advice I got from counseling). I pray someday my son can also understand and support me. I really hope you find support from your family.

Take care,

Jamie

[Guest Christina200]

Thanks for the reply Jamie. It's so nice to have the support and best wishes of other people. I really appreciate it.

I still haven't heard from my kids or sister but I did from my mother.

She rang me a few days ago and over a couple of weeks has obviously come to terms with it in her own mind. She is a very strong (mentally!) woman who can be the most infuriating person ever or the person I knew especially as a child who was the most wonderful person in the world.

Anyway we chatted for 2 hours on the phone - she's French and moved back there a long time ago. I told her my story which was very emotional for me and I was crying at the end. She did go very quiet when I told her what my new name was so it will take her longer to accept that I think but she often calls me Chrissy anyway which I really like. I suppose the bond between us is so strong in reality that we could never drift apart. Up until the age of 5 I just wouldn't leave her side - I was definitely a needy child but she also used this to control me when I was older.

Writing this is making me cry again. I guess you can only supress your emotions for a certain period of time before you have to release.

Better start to get ready for work. It takes me forever as a woman at the moment. When I was a man I thought women were just messing about taking so long to get ready - how wrong I was!

Christina

[Guest Christina200]

I'm sorry Jamie, I was being so selfish talking about myself that I didn't make a comment about you and your kids.

I'm glad your daughter now wants to see you even though it took so long. My daughter doesn't have any issue whatsover with me transitioning - in fact she thinks it's great - it's just me she doesn't like!

It's sad that your son can't accept you. I think it's inevitable that they will be more difficult than daughters. I hope that eventually he can find the courage and strength within himself to come to terms with how you now are. I'm not so sure my son will ever come to terms with me since he can't even come to terms with his own life as he has zero self confidence, has been thrown out of his mother's house and is a gambling addict. I really want to help him come to terms with his own demons but obviously it's impossible for me at the moment.

Christina

[Guest Jamie61]

Aww Christina, You don't have to apologized for sharing your story, that's why we're here. We learn from each other, we support one another and sometimes we are moved to tears by what Is shared on these pages. When I experienced that initial rejection from my son, I was totally devastated and I told myself that it is important to remember how this feels. My therapist told me to continue to talk about everyday things with my son, which I have done with a sprinkling of discussing 'it'. Not perfect, but as was suggested, these things take time. I wish the best for your children and that they come to understand and accept you.

Keep us posted,

Jamie

[Guest Christina200]

Thanks for your reply Jamie - much appreciated. The rejection from my son over my transitioning isn't as bad as it could be since my relationship with my kids has been strained ever since I can remember - since they were about 8 or 10 years old. Their mother has brainwashed them over their lifetime into hating me so it's no surprise that things didn't turn out well. It's no less than I expected since my relationship with my kids was poor at best before. God knows what she's telling them about me know she knows I'm trans!

Christina

[Guest Jamie61]

Update! I am very happy to say that I've had a series of lengthy conversations about 'me' with my son. And I am ever hopefully that I will have his support. I'm not sure it fair to expect too much from your kids during a transition, 'something's you don't want to see how it's made' kinda thing. But the nice part is that now I feel like I can keep him in the loop of information so that we don't lose contact. I am very please and optimistic, my son has a lot of character and integrity and that is why this has been so difficult on him as he has never abandoned those in any way.

I am humbled by my family and my kids,

Jamie

[Ravin]

It's great to hear he's coming around, Jamie! It's not a process that can be rushed.

[Guest cerise]

Acceptanxe by your family is worth it in most corcustances. Sounds like things are working themselves our.

Part of RLE in BC is family knowing and although both my kis and my ex know going further with tramsition fir my circumstance might require a little more illumination.

My son lives with me snd recently sat with me while I was practicing RLE and showed me a video of his dive he was on that day.

It was special for me to be accepted and it felt comfortable.

We borh felt safe in our relationship with each other.

I think it's worth it.

Hugs Cerise

[Guest]

It's great to hear he's coming around, Jamie! It's not a process that can be rushed.

Ditto.

Huggs,

Joann

[Charlize]

I know it has taken my son a great deal of time to accept this change. Now i think we are closer than ever. Give it time and the love i'm sure your giving.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Amanda May]

This Thursday I am coming out to my 30 year old son.  After reading all these posts carefully, i realuze now there will be a big surge in people who know.  Guess my X will glot,  my daughter will make fun of me and my son's in laws will make sure everone at my retired job know, the bottom line-I am personally happier even if I have to be alone.  I will establish new friends and will not stop believing how lucky I am no matter how much i want to cry.  So continues the roller coast of transition blessed with a good wig and hope and making my first HRT appointment on Tuesday.

[Charlize]

That is a wonderful if scary way to start the new year Amanda May.  I hope you find the support you deserve.  It was my experience that it took time to heal the wounds caused by change.  We all like the status quo.  Our transition upsets that but time and love have brought acceptance even if it is a bit tinged with regret.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Amanda May,

I don't know the situation with your kids and other family, but I do know from gained personal experience that people can surprise you. I have a sister who's husband, my brother in law, I feared would demand I never set foot in thier house again. Not only has he accepted me, but he treats me as warmly as ever. I've also had it go the opposite way. All we can do is be prepared for the worst, and hope for the best. I really hope you get the best! And remember you are never alone, and that we are always here for you to lean on when things go tough, and to share the happy news of things going well. 

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?