Coming Out To My Church????

[Guest PatrickLee]

I have, very recently accepted God and His everlasting love into my life. The youth minister at the church I attend is a kind and caring man. He was there for me and gave me his thoughts on some of the things I was doing in my life and told me how much better life can be if I only prayed and asked for it. It is because of his exelent advice that I now love God and appricate all the blessings He has given me, including my being a transsexual.

One of the only issues with me coming out to every one (not just my closest friends) is that most of the people I know are VERY religious and take their beliefs to the extreme. I do not want to lose the support that I have been granted just because I wish to have the body of a man. I know God has accepted me into his arms and I'm trying very hard to convice one of my friends that I can be loved by God and be a transman. I don't know if I really want to come out to my youth minister but I feel as though I have to. He has put alot into me and helped me on my journey into accepting and loving myself in ways that he doesn't know about. I want to thank him for everything. That means I have to tell him everything.

Is there anything I can say that might make this go a bit easier? Or is there a scripture that could help? I'm pretty lost on what to say to him... I plan on telling him on Wendsday or next Sunday.

Any and all advice would be greatly appricated

Thank you.

Patrick

[Sally]

This is one of the hardest decisions that you will have to make.

Most churches tend to be so conservative that they will have difficulty in even trying to understand.

If you feel that you must tell your youth minister right away, please do approach him with the positive aproach and tell him how much he has helped you already and ask him not to discuss this with anyone else until you are ready.

Good luck,

Sally

[Guest PatrickLee]

Thanks for the advice.

I want to do this as soon as possible so I can 1)get it over with and 2)continue on with trying to tell my family...

hope it all goes well

[Guest michelle.butterfly]

Hi Patrick,

I would say it depends on the denomination of your church and whether you are ready/willing/able to be an advocate for the transgendered within your congregation. It's possible that you will be accepted with open arms and love as one might hope, or it's possible you will face an uphill battle for acceptance. On the one hand, yours would be a very powerful testimony, on the other hand it can be a big blow to your faith if you find those in the church to be other than as you would expect.

If your youth minister was an important part of you accepting God into your life then I can understand why you would want him to know who you are, and I will pray that you find the love that Jesus taught in him and your church. However if for some reason you do not, please do not find it a reason to abandon your new-found faith as there are other denominations and other churches in which you may be able to find the communion with others that you are looking for.

Just for a little bit of background on where I am coming from, I was raised Southern Baptist, however over time I have come to find myself in much closer affinity to the United Church of Christ. UCC churches are free to choose their own particular doctrines, but in July of 2003 the national delegate body of the UCC (a Synod) adopted a resolution encouraging the acceptance and inclusion of the transgendered into the church, which, when I found out about it not too long ago, simply reaffirmed my belief that it is a very close match for me.

http://www.ucc.org/assets/pdfs/2003-AFFIRM...UMAN-RIGHTS.pdf

"...THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED THAT all congregations of the United Church of Christ are encouraged to welcome transgender people into membership, ministry, and full participation; and

"BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED THAT all settings of the United Church of Christ are encouraged to learn about the realities of transgender experience and expression, including the gifts and callings and needs of transgender people, and are encouraged to engage in appropriate dialogue with transgender people; ..."

With much love,

Michelle

[Guest PatrickLee]

Its a 1st Baptist church. I know the preacher personally and know his veiws on the GLBT communitee. They don't agree with my views in the least.

Thanks for the link. I'd print it off but I dont have a printer... Although its kind of sad that there had to be a bill that passed in order for this to come to be. On the other hand, it shows that there are people fighting for this.

I am ready to be an advocate, whether or not people are ready for me is the question.

I have been fought against, pushed around, thrown down, called hurtfull things all my life. (even though 18 yrs is a short time...) I can and will be able to fight for the things I believe in. I really hope it doesnt come down to me fighting the church...

I know God is on my side. I will let His love shine thru me and hopefuly someone else can see it.

Thank you for your support on this... I have already been... not kicked out... but its difficult to go back to my old church because I came out as bisexual. I gave up in that fight. I wont give up now until I have made my views clear and they have made their decission, what ever it may be.

Thanks again.

~Patrick

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dear PatrickLee,

This message is for you and all others that I hear a recurring theme about the angst of "coming out". Don't concsciously be concerned about coming out. Be who you are and "coming out" will take care of itself. I know this probably seems meaningless to you, but it is so important and true. If you continue to be who you are, you will find that one day everyone knows who you truely are and the cat is out of the bag. Without conscious effort, you will have come out to everyone one day. Just be yourself!!!

Love

bernie

[Guest michelle.butterfly]

Its a 1st Baptist church. I know the preacher personally and know his veiws on the GLBT communitee. They don't agree with my views in the least.

Then it sounds like you know what you are getting into.

Thanks for the link. I'd print it off but I dont have a printer... Although its kind of sad that there had to be a bill that passed in order for this to come to be. On the other hand, it shows that there are people fighting for this.

You're welcome. Actually, the UCC has for a long time been one of the most inclusive Christian churches, and it's likely that most individual member churches were already quite accepting prior to this, it is just an explicit addition to their already very inclusive "Open and Affirming" recommendations. And, really, even prior to that it's likely that most individual member churches were already quite accepting of the LGBT community.

I am ready to be an advocate, whether or not people are ready for me is the question.

...I can and will be able to fight for the things I believe in. I really hope it doesnt come down to me fighting the church...

That's awesome, and you know we will be here to support you and bring you cookies and cocoa (ok, well I'm to lazy to make cookies and cocoa but I bet I can convince Sally to... HEY SALLY!).

I know God is on my side. I will let His love shine thru me and hopefuly someone else can see it.

You got it, hon. Let your light shine. I know I try, although I have not chosen to do it at a church.

Much love,

Michelle

[Guest michelle.butterfly]

This message is for you and all others that I hear a recurring theme about the angst of "coming out". Don't concsciously be concerned about coming out. Be who you are and "coming out" will take care of itself. I know this probably seems meaningless to you, but it is so important and true. If you continue to be who you are, you will find that one day everyone knows who you truely are and the cat is out of the bag. Without conscious effort, you will have come out to everyone one day. Just be yourself!!!

Yeah Bernie, y'know, you are very wise.

As a whole you are absolutely right, and I think there are a lot of people that need to hear that! Although I do understand there is sometimes an internal desire or external need to 'come out' to particular people (for me it was mostly people that I wanted to hear it from me instead of someone else, and I did have to explicitly 'come out' at my job since I wanted them to start using my name because they were sending out proposals with my old name on them.)

But your point is well-taken; we've been talking about this more and more lately and it's actually something I think I'm about to post a topic on--the division I see between those of us that feel there are some rules that should to be followed if you are TS (less so if referring to non-TS TG) versus those of us who believe it is all about being yourself, without worrying so much about the "rules'.

With love,

Michelle

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearest Michelle,

You have a very good point about explicitly coming out to a certain person under your own terms. I have done the same thing. For me, it was my ex-wife. I had to tell her directly. All I can say is this... explicitly or indireclty, coming out must be natural, not forced. When I came out to my ex-wife, the time was so clear that it was time to come out, there was no real choice!!

thank you so much for your thoughts and love.

I so respect you!!

bernie

[Guest PatrickLee]

This message is for you and all others that I hear a recurring theme about the angst of "coming out". Don't concsciously be concerned about coming out. Be who you are and "coming out" will take care of itself. I know this probably seems meaningless to you, but it is so important and true. If you continue to be who you are, you will find that one day everyone knows who you truely are and the cat is out of the bag. Without conscious effort, you will have come out to everyone one day. Just be yourself!!!

Its not meaningless, trust me. Its great advice. One that I will try to live by.

You're right, of cource. I should just be who I am and not worry about the actual 'coming out'. If they will see me for who I am, thats great. If they don't and there is a need to directly 'come out' I'll do it.

Thanks and chocolate chip cookie dough to all who gave me advice! (its wat Im eating right now...)

It will all be taken to heart and used at some point and time, I'm sure!

Thanks again,

Patri

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Patrick

I am against the grain on this one. You will not be understood, regardless of whom you come out to, in the grocery store, in a prayer meeting, in a restaurant. Only transgendered understand the transgendered. Just be prepared. Many people, good intentioned and otherwise, interpret GOD's Will as they see fit.

I am much older. I will NEVER witness my transitioning with a church memeber, preacher, priest, youth minister or otherwise. This is because it is too much of a temptation for people to use scripture - such as a man shall not put on the vestments of a woman... etc. TOTALLY out of context.

Actually there is NOTHING in the Bible regarding the accident of being born in a body that is not a reflection of a person's sense of self. I have studied the Bible for years, but for understanding, not verses to quote. There is nothing about 'gender reassignment." But people will intreret there is PLENTY in the Bible, and call us homosexual and an abomination in the eyes of GOD.

I answer any criticism, and had it from my own wife, who asked why I would shun GOD's gift of my body?

Well... I had a specialized situation in I ASKED for resolution - to gender dysphotia, not my transsexuality, which I was unaware at the time. I was definately and miraculously led to this resolution. I won't witness, but I could as it came to pass under supernatural conditions, an intercession from the Blessed Mother. It is as clear as it can be, I am delivered to my transitioning by GOD's Will. Anyone who debates this is insulting GOD's Will, not me.

Please let us know how it works out if you decide to continue. And I wish you the best, hopefully with a compassionate Christian response.

End of story - that's all I have to say on that (Forrest Gump).

Lizzy