How do I know?

[Guest hudsong]

Hi there ––

I've been wrestling with my gender identity for nearly four years now, but as someone who constantly doubts themself, I don't know if I really am feeling what I'm feeling or just acting like a hypochondriac. I don't want to say anything or take any steps until I know, for sure, that transition is right for me, and that I actually am transgender.

I've always tended to be more masculine than the others in my grade, and I always hated dresses and skirts and all that. When I was little, I was always jealous of my brother because he got to do all the cool things, and I had to sit back and watch. I've always had body issues, but I'm also overweight, so I don't know if I'm just thinking it's dysphoria or if I actually am feeling these things. What really got me thinking, though, was that I've always felt like I was missing some part of my identity, something that made me me. And I didn't know what that meant until I came across the idea of being transgender. When I imagine myself as a boy, I instantly feel better, but there's also a sense of anxiety.

I don't know if that anxiety's because I'm nervous about having to come out and public reaction, all the usual stuff, or if it's actually because I don't feel right.

I guess I'm just looking for someone to help me. I'm finally, I think, mature enough to understand exactly what gender identity means and what it means for me, but I just need some guidance. I'm not looking for a diagnosis or anything, just some advice.

Was there an "aha" moment for you, or was it a gradual, tentative process? Did you doubt? What should I do now?

I appreciate any advice. Thanks so much for your help.

Hudson

[VickySGV]

Welcome to the Playground Hudson. As the Moderator approving your first post, I do need to ask you to be sure and read the terms and conditions which you can find a link to in the lowest right hand corner of every page of the forums. Also, I would like to invite you to post in the Introductions Forum so more people will know who you are and be looking for you even if they do not usually post in this forum.

Finding our true identity is indeed a complicated chore, and it rightly takes a long time. You mention being overweight, but do you overeat regularly on a compulsive basis? In that case I would suggest looking up Over-eater's Anonymous as a source to meet people who can help you at least become less anxious over some parts of your body. Our pretty reliable answer here to the gender issues, is a Gender Therapist who knows the problems we have with gender ideas. None of them will "make" you Trans* or Andro, or neither of the terms, but will help you find out where you do fit. Enjoy your time here. and you will find ways to grow and love life.

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Hudson. Folks who ultimately discover that they are trans do so at different ages. It is quite common for us to realize that truth very early in life; for myself it was somewhere between 5-8 years old. But there are many who didn't figure that out, or admit it to themselves, until puberty or later. It's best to not compare yourself to anyone else. There is no such thing as "typical" when it comes to being TG, since being TG is atypical by definition.

Vicky is correct, a Gender Therapist is your best bet to help you figure all this out. You don't say how old you are, but if you are under 18, finding that kind of assistance gets more complicated, obviously.

You can find a lot of answers in the forums, hon, and if you don't find it, just ask the questions. We'll provide the answers.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest LizMarie]

If you're not sure yet, don't rush into anything. As Vicky and Carolyn note, a therapist with training in gender identity issues could be a big help to you. Such a person could also help get to the root of why you feel unsure. Maybe there's a very valid reason for feeling that way or maybe it's just irrational fear of change.

A therapist can be immensely helpful if you are fully honest with your therapist. Everything you hold back will distort the picture the therapist is assembling. So when you find a therapist, try to find one with whom you can be comfortable talking about details of your life and your experiences.