Hello, I am Taelor Marie.

[Guest shinyd9]

My name is Taylor Marie, I am 26 and am from Provo, UT. I am a student at Utah Valley University studying public relations. I chose this major because I want to be able to be a better communicator. One of my goals in life is to continue to grow as a person and to help others do the same. I am a BYU and Utah football fan and am a huge Utah Jazz fan. I am fairly religious, I guess it just depends on the day or week. I am Mormon. I served a 2 year mission for the Mormon church in southern France.

I came her because I am confused. I think I am transgender. Mtf. Pre-transition of course. I have been trying to deny it for a long time. My story started when I was little. I remember when I was young my two best friends were girls. We would play with horses and dolls all the time and have sleep overs. They were my best friends. I don’t think I recognized how I felt then but looking back now I feel there are things that I can see that just make sense now. It was in high school when I really started experimenting a little. I just remember seeing all of the girls around me becoming women and it was really hard. I was really shy in high school. I hated it. It was one of the worst times of my life being overly shy and not feeling completely comfortable in my skin. I started cross dressing a little. I would wear my mothers clothes and try to put on makeup when her and my dad were out of the house. Every night that I could I would take one of her bra’s into my room and wear it to sleep. Seeing all these girls becoming women just made me jealous. I wanted to go shopping with my mom for my first bra. I wanted her to teach me how to put on makeup and look pretty. It was hard seeing others being able to do these things that I wanted to do. I guess I tried to hide it a lot and just continue going on with life. I tried to shut those feelings out of my life. When I turned 20 I left on my mission and came back when I was 22. For the most part when I got back I felt fairly comfortable in my skin. Thoughts of being a woman still surfaced every once in a while. I always would wonder what my life would be like if I decided to start taking hormones at the age of 18 after high school and who would I be. Even today I wonder and at times am somewhat regretful. It was until about a year ago that my feelings about becoming a woman really started to effect me. Ive tried dating girls and every time I seem to get close to somebody it goes south. The thought of being like them overcomes that of being with them and I just get super jealous. I see my mom and my sister and I envy them so much. I wish I could be like my mom and we could go shopping and just do girl things. I love my mom so much. She is my rock and really the foundation to my life. I don’t know what I would do without her. I wish I could tell her that, and tell her how I feel inside. I think its hard for me to show her how much she means to me because I want to be like her so much. I want to wake up and look in the mirror and see me. I want to have breasts so badly and not have the genetelia that I currently have. I want to put on a bra and panties and just feel good I guess and have my body conform to how I feel. I don’t think I am attracted to men, but having a family is very important to me and I guess being able to have a husband and kids would be a dream to me.

So I know this is long. Sorry. It just feels good to get it out of me. But I am so thankful that I found this place. Just the feedback and things that people have sent me means a lot. Everyone here is amazing and I wish that I had the courage and braveness to transition like what a lot of you are doing.

[Charlize]

Hi Taylor Marie. Your story certainly mirrors mine and that of many others here. Is it possible to find a gender therapist in your area. Talking to others, a GT, or a support group can really help with the turmoil your feeling. It can also help to resolve the search for a path to finding yourself. I know i was unable to confront and accept myself until i was much older. Partially for that reason i had many other difficulties. Coming to grips with my gender issues by sharing here, a therapist, and with the occasional trans person i meet along the way has given me peace at last. I don't know much about the acceptance level found in Utah but please look around. In th meantime i'm glad you are able to post and read about others here.

Hugs,

Charlize

[gennee]

Welcome to Laura's, Taylor Marie. My sentiments are pretty much the same as Charlize.

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Taylor Marie. I kind of like your middle name.

My story is similar to yours, in that I began cross dressing in my teens, but of course you are doing much more, and know much more, about this than I did at your age.

Please look around the forums and read the threads and learn all you can, and ask all the questions you wish to. We'll do our very best to help you with our experiences and knowledge. I do ask all our new members to please read the site Terms and Conditions, as the rules help us keep the site safe. A link can be found at the lower right of every page.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest April63]

Hey Taylor Marie. Welcome to the forum!

I'm a few years younger than you, and I was also raised in the LDS church. I was almost a missionary, and for the past few years I've been debating back and forth on whether or not I should go. In the end, I decided not to, and I'm now in graduate school.

I haven't been going to church very often recently, but I understand what it's like to be in the church and also have transgender feelings. Feel free to message me if you ever want to chat.

April

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Taylor Marie,
<<< hug >>>
Welcome to Laura's Playground.
Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.
The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.
Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.
One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.
We all look forward to seeing you.
vanna