A helping hand

[Guest Melissa cdr]

Hello to all,

This is my first posting and I thought it would be fitting to share my story.

I come from a very close and loving family, a family that exerts tremendous respect when it is earned and deep roots of traditional morals and values. My parents and older sister have been supportive in every aspect of my life but knowing how they feel about everything has made me live a double life. I have had thoughts about dressing for about 24 years and occasionally explored them thanks to my sisters’ dresser drawers. I am very private about my other half and figuratively speaking, my closet door is not just closed, it has padlocks all the way around it, deadbolts, and a full laser security system. I have been legally married since 2007 with a beautiful 4 year old girl and as of 2 and 3 years ago, became separated. The first time I let anyone have a smidgen of a thought about my dressing came as my wife and I were having sex. She was so into it that I suggested I put a bra on and maybe make it even better. She agreed with some hesitation and 30 seconds later we finished. After that night she was different, the very happy marriage we had vanished and her pretrial of the world changed. 5 grueling months later we split up and I underwent some extreme depression that including suicide. I drive for a living and for that first year after the breakup I was wishing the steering wheel would guide me into oncoming traffic and vice versa, the thought of smashing my pickup into a brick wall or driving or driving off a bridge haunted my thoughts for that year. I thought of friends as enemies and lived my life in a room at my parents’ house fully consumed in my thoughts but low and behold, one year later we somehow got back together and for me, all was better. Four months later I discovered her cheating on me and we have been separated ever since. The depression changed to anger which changed to complete numbing of all feelings I have for her. Slowly since then, the thoughts and desires of dressing began to creep back into my life. Between being a full time parent, going to collage full time and working/driving 6 days a week I have had almost zero time to explore and discover the girl that was always in me but I found ways. The door is very slowly opening and Melissa desperately wants to come out. She finally got her way a week ago while talking to a friend and for the first time ever, someone in the world knew my secret. No judgments were made, only open arms and severe encouragement to be myself, live life my way and to stop worrying about what others would say. My dearest friend gave me hope and she has been someone for me to look up to. Without her I would have never had the courage to go shopping at Walmart for some feminine finery and wear it daily, still concealed and unnoticeable but it’s on. This post is a way of me saying thank you. As I sit here typing away in my new corset and stocking which I bought at Fredrick’s, I am humbled to be so lucky and proud to have a friend like her, someone who accepts me and loves me to be me. Never knew anyone could be so kind and for a girl like me, it’s the most wonderful feeling. I look forward to giving all the help I can and for interacting with all the kind hearted and beautiful ladies in this community.

From the bottom of my heart, Thank You

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Melissa. I hope you don't mind, but I moved your post here to the Intro Forum so more folks would be likely to see it and respond.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know how difficult it can be to open up, even anonymously on a web site like this. Your friend does sound like a wonderful woman, and you are lucky to have her in your life. Please look around the forums and ask questions or post comments, and make the best use of all that we have here.

I look forward to hearing more from you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ashleynikole]

Welcome Melissa,

Glad to have you here. I know the feelings too of contemplating suicide or wishing I would just get in a massive wreck and stay alive long enough to tell everyone I love them and not to cry over me. However God had a different plan and now in the starting stages of my transition and over a year of accepting myself, I am glad to say that dying is the last thing I ever think about. This is what it feels like to be normal.

I'm glad you are finding you and if there is anything we can do to help, please let us know.

God bless

Ashley

[Guest Melissa cdr]

Thank you for the warm welcomes. I'm truly blessed to be here and to now be able to stand tall, stand proud and say; my name is Melissa and I am a woman.

[gennee]

Hi Melissa and welcome to Laura's. Happy that you didn't decide to do what you intended that day. Life is getting better for you, I'm sure.

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Melissa,
<<< hug >>>
Welcome to Laura's Playground.
Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.
The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.
Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.
One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.
We all look forward to seeing you.
vanna