My HP Is Picking On Me Again----

[VickySGV]

Tuesday night I knew I was leading one AA meeting which is actually held in the church hall of the church I attend. I have been going to this meeting regularly since late July,and as the leader I got to share about my life. I told them the reason I was coming out was because my real alcohol related issues took place while I was trying to fake it as a guy, and that as I have posted here, a fight with my HP took me out of sobriety, but also looped me back into it, this time as the true and authentic me. The group was frankly wide eyed in surprise when I said that, but I could see connections being made, and we had one person who had been so quiet for the longest time open up on our subject of "Submission + Honesty = Joy" which I picked. At the end of the meeting, one of the other people there (actually the group treasurer) asked if I would like to take part in a Panel presentation tonight.

Ok, I had never done a "panel" and had ask about what one was. In this case it was a sober living facility that needed recovering folks with some to share the format of what it was like, what happened, and the way it is now.

I was one of two women and a male on the sharing part of the panel. The leader, who had heard my Tuesday talk told me it was fair game to tell the deepest and darkest secret we had to overcome, and hitting this group with only limited recovery, and everyone with a court attendance card in hand, with the heavy stuff was actually the thing to do. Push their comfort zone was the order of the day. I began my share by talking about the fact that I was born into a family that was an alcoholic train wreck in the making and where kids "especially oldest sons" were in physical danger unless they learned to lie. I certainly had all eyes on me at that point, and happily held the gaze over the rest of my sharing, which was about time in men's jails (4 separate ones) and single dad's getting children taken away by the County when my alcoholism got out of hand, and then my BIG FIGHT with my HP who would not let me stop with honesty about the drinking, but also the needed to deal with something as major as gender. I do like making eye contact and people watching, and it was a quiet bunch looking my way. Gender is an unusual hurdle in recovery, and I hope they now see their hurdles as something they can get over easier than the one I had to.

I still think my HP is having me make amends for our fight a few years ago, what do you think??

[Charlize]

Vicky, I'm glad your lead went so well.

I think your HP is using you to provide a message of hope to those who most need it. I'm glad you were able to not only share your journey to honesty once but twice is a true blessing. I had a funny comment made at my home group the other day. The chairperson of the group was sharing and said "all you have to do in AA is change everything....look at Charlize". Being honest about who we are is hard and even harder in a group we depend on for our sobriety but being free of those secrets and sharing that freedom with others is a gift and a blessing not just to ourselves but to those who can benefit by getting honest.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest]

Oh my.

[Michelle 2010]

Great story Vicky. Isn't it great to have left the shame and fear of who we are behind? And the fear of what people will think?

Thanks for sharing!

Michellex