pronouns and names

[Guest kittykat012]

at this point being called she really bothers me. I wish I could magically make everyone start calling me he without coming out to them or going on hormones so I look like a man (which I'm not sure I want to do). I'm just getting the courage to admit I want to be called he to my friends from the lgbt group at my college, I was on they/them pronouns for a while even after I started thinking of myself as he in my head because I was afraid I would change my mind again and drive everyone crazy.....I still deal with being called she and even worse girl by a lot of people ......I know some trans guys can pass without T but my face is very feminine and I'm not even sure T will make it look male enough to pass..... I was wondering though have any of you kept your birth name? I know in the real world no one will think of me as a man if I have a girl's name.....but I kind of like my birth name. any thoughts about names , pronouns , passing or anything are welcome.

[Guest oddly-charming]

Wow, what you're saying is so incredibly familiar to me, it's almost eerie how alike we're thinking. I've also come to the conclusion that being perceived as female and interacting with people from a female perspective bothers me quite a lot, and am not sure whether or not I want to hormonally transition, only that I'd like to be refered to as "he."

I'm also in your boat as far as not wanting to drive people crazy by changing my name and pronouns a lot, and therefore making others adjust accordingly. I'm slowly trying to get out of the mindset that I am a burden on others when I try to do something positive for myself. In that respect, I know exactly where you're coming from; having people switch over to male pronouns and a new name can be scary, especially when you're still in a rather unsure and self-exploratory place in your discovery. If you're open to advice, mine would be the same as that which my best friend (a transitioning MTF) gave me: change your name, pronouns, and anything else about your presentation or expression as many times as you wish, even if it's just for experiment for yourself. Those people in your life who love you enough to support you will be happy to at least try. It's not the hardest thing in the world to switch pronouns and names for someone as long as they're willing to put in the appropriate effort to do so. If they get all upset or act long-suffering about it when and if you change your mind, it's probably because they're afraid of messing up. Just tell them to correct themselves if they do slip, and try as hard as they can, because eventually it will be natural. If they're still unwilling to try, this is someone who is just not thinking about you and your happiness enough, only themselves, so screw them.

Anyway, about the name, I'm actually considering going with my birth name as well, only modified to the male equivalent: Dawn VS Don. My family and girlfriend call me Donny, because that's been my nickname since I was a baby, and I like it because it's fun and definitely a boy's name. Still, I know that I would not choose this name for myself if I had all options open, and that gives me pause. I'm at a point now where I'm saying "Ah hell with it, if I'm changing my sex I might as well change my name; go all the way with it." The male name I like for myself is Jacob, but I'm hesitant about this as well since I'm not totally sure about transitioning.

Can I ask you what your birth name is? perhaps there are male alternatives for it, like my name. If it's a distinctly feminine gendered name, it may be hard to pass as male, especially if you don't decide to go on T. But of course, it's not impossible, and it's always fun to be a gender fork. XD

And pronouns...like I said above, if you like male pronouns right now, even if you may change your mind later, just go for it. Have people switch over to "he" and "him," and try to do it for yourself. You'll never truly know how you feel about it if you don't experience it. Just be open and honest with the people in your life, explain that you feel that male pronouns suit you better, and try not to be apologetic; this is your life and your happiness, my friend.

Jake