My family doesn't support my "choice" and makes hateful comments

[Guest poisonkissed3]

I'm genderfluid/questioning and when I came out my family denied it. Everyday they make hateful comments and bring the bible into it. I tried talking to someone at school, but she didn't help much. I don't know what to do. My family has me half convinced they're right about it being a sin. The thing is, I can't just "act like a lady already".

[Guest Kenna Dixon]

If they believe it's a choice, I wonder what possible reasons they could offer for anyone choosing it.

In order for this to be a "sin", it would have to be something you're doing - not who you are. It isn't just behavior that you can change or stop to suit another person's definition of what is "acceptable" according to some religion or other standard.

We're all raised thinking our parents are right about everything. As a parent myself, I can assure you that definitely isn't so. Of course you owe them respect, but that doesn't mean you have to deny your own gender identity.

I've never understood the propensity of some to use the Bible as a weapon. And to wield it against your own kids, well...I'll stop right there. It's a hot button for me.

[Guest Mickey]

My parents want to get me some where and preach to me but thye don't know that I have done my own Bible study and am prepared to defend myself from the Bible with them. I would suggest that you study for yourself and then when they want to bring the Bible into things you can use the Bible to defend yourself.

[Carolyn Marie]

Please don't let your parents, or anyone else for that matter, to convince you that being TG, or wanting to be true to your feelings about gender, is a sin, or is wrong, or makes you anything other than an honorable person deserving of dignity and respect.

You're parents don't understand this, and don't wish (for right now, anyway) to understand. Give them information, give them time to get used to the idea, but do not allow them to insult, demean or embarrass you over being TG. No one has that right. I hope that in time their attitude will change. If it does not, there will be decisions for you to make then.

Transition, social and physical, is not something that one does overnight, or over weeks or even months. You should not expect to "act like a lady" just like that. None of us who have transitioned could do that, not a one. It is a process. Give yourself time, and don't listen to those who tell you that you need to act only as they wish. You need to live for yourself, not for someone else.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest aballofquestions]

Im so sorry to hear that PoisonKissed...I wont try to give you any advice but I want you to know that there are people here who can help...theyve already helped me. If you havent already, consider coming by the chatrooms.

I wish you the best, and know that who you are, is not a sin. And it is not a choice any more than being a redhead or having freckles is a choice.

Hang in there,

-Alexis

[Guest ashleynikole]

Hey Kissed,

Sometimes searching the right keywords or finding exactly what you're looking for on Laura's can be tough. I mean, there's over 500,000 posts on this site.

Everyone else has given you good advice, including my sisters in Christ. I can't offer you everything, but if you want some information as a good place to start focusing your research in understanding why we can't and shouldn't be condemned just for being, check out the FAQ page on my blog. In my 18 months of study, research, some of it from friends and family, I've come across a lot of questions and statements, some that are just uninformed. I needed to clear it up for myself and hopefully it's a place to start for you.

God bless

Ashley

[Guest princesstess]

I grew up in the 60's and 70's in a small-town Catholic family and my father was always trying to toughened me up and my mother was always laying its a sin trip on me; the old Deuteronimy 22.5 verse about men dressing as women. Well I am not a man despite what I had between my legs when I was born. I also believe it was in the context of idol worship where non-TG folks would cross-dress as part of the ceremony. And even it it was about us. One can't choose which verse one believes in which case lets go out stoning folks for swearing and not wearing clothes made of mixed fabrics. As for the God doesn't make mistakes line, well in that case lets not have medicine at all. Let preemes just die, don't bother with vaccines. etc. So the line I would take is they can't pick and chose which verses / interpretations to take.

As for me, my only option was to drop out of school and run away from home. I remained estranged from them for the remainder of their lives and only have a cursory, cards at Christmas' relationship with my brother. Such is our lot in life.

Hang in there brother and do what you need to do to be true to yourself, even if it means estrangement to your family.

Tess

[Guest Gregg Jameson]

Hi Poisonkissed,

Many great and strong responses by members (above) for you!

It's key to find all of the support you can and spend your time in supportive company, as much as possible.

I don't mean withdraw from life and only live at a supportive online site. I do mean, find support online and IRL, offline, etc.

Do you have a nearby GLBTQ center where you may find some additional support and some socialization in a supportive environment? Any other options, as in a similar supportive type of program at school or in your community?

Have you had the opportunity to see a supportive counselor (at school) or a gender therapist?

Please don't allow others to shame you in any way. Taking on shame from others is very toxic and can be, ultimately, very dangerous to your own well-being.

Let's keep looking for supportive options for you!

Take care!

Gregg