Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

After all these years I just found out I’m a cross-dresser!


Guest Stevie

Recommended Posts

I am brand new to cross-dressing; I fell upon it somewhat accidentally when I purchased some sexy men’s underwear on line. I couldn’t believe how good it made me feel!

Now I’ve been slowly buying new things both on line and in the department stores. In spite of having a muscular physique I have had great success in all the items fitting beautifully. I can’t believe how happy and fulfilled this makes me feel!

Frankly I am surprised I didn’t get into this earlier in life as I can look back and see some of the suggestive signs at a very young age.

I’ve been in a sexless marriage for many years and had hoped sharing this with my wife might turn her on unfortunately it did not. Now she not only finds me undesirable but also a little weird too (her words) ;-(

Oh well, I feel sexy and awesome and I’m thoroughly enjoying my panties, nighties and my pink toenails!

And I’m very happy to have found this site.

Link to comment
Guest rexxmarksley

If it makes you feel happy, that's what matters.

Perhaps your wife will warm up to it and find it less 'weird' over time because it's not a weird behaviour at all

Aaron :)

Link to comment
Guest KatyDesire

To most people it does seem a bit weird, let's face it. She needs to be reassured that you are not homosexual, and not going to transition - she married a man, after all, not a woman. Then she needs to be reassured that SHE is not weird for living with someone whose gender may be ambiguous.

This is a hard, long process - think of how long it took YOU to realize how things stood.

Giving her books to read may be very useful - the one that comes to mind is "My husband Betty", but there are quite a lot on Kindle, or in hard copy. She will almost certainly not want to see you dressed - at least at this stage. So take things slowly.

It may also be useful for her to get onto this website, to get a bit of insight into it. When people think about it, they sometimes realize that the underlying gentleness was what attracted them to their partner in the first place - and this may just be all they are seeing now, but just expressed in a more honest way.

But take everything slowly.

Hugs - and hang in there!

Katy

Link to comment

Katy:

Very insightful thoughts, thank you for taking your precious time to read and respond to my post. I am humbled.

All these years I have been very loving and considerate of my wife’s choice of no intimacy. I did not know this about her when we got married this came up shortly after.

Listening to her reflect on her childhood and watching her actions and activities over these years I have come to feel she has a repressed desire for her own gender. I love the lady I married and nothing can change that I would still love and support her in anything she chose. I have tried to bring up this delicate issue but she became very defensive and did not want to talk about it. Over these many years I have also tried to encourage general marriage counseling but she refuses to go. I have gently offered books, audiotapes, even teaching/counseling videos.

We get along very well but more as roommates, best friends. To be close to her I will accept and live with this, I have an infinite amount of patience, but still, I can’t help but hope for more.

When I experienced my enlightened moment regarding my feminine side, everything seemed to make sense. Events throughout my own life as well as my wife’s and even her attraction to me in the first place, fell into place.

My personal discovery is still quite new, I gently shared it with her but now I’m keeping it quiet and personal. This discovery was a piece to a puzzle that has been missing for many years and has prevented me from seeing my whole picture… I finally discovered the piece… and it fit. Now I can see the whole picture and I couldn’t be happier. This experience has and will continue to make me a better husband and a better person.

It feels so good to be able to share these feelings amongst such caring and understanding people.

All my very best
Steven

Link to comment

Hello Stevie,

I appreciate your puzzle analogy--it all lines up/fits and you just know it. I'm happy for you and share your joy--it's a new discovery for me too. I've joked with my wife re: how i'd look in a dress to test the waters but it upset her. I often buy doillies now when im at yard sales too. I don't know how to reconcile my femininity with her and our lack of intimacy is especially difficult. Thank you for reminding me i'm not alone!

Link to comment

Hello Jana:

Jana, we are definitely not alone! And to be honest I think I think if we knew how many more of us were out there, living in secret, we would be shocked.

When you mentioned doilies, I had to chuckle, when I first got married 30+ years ago I decorated our new bedroom with the most beautiful flower and lace drapes with matching quilt and shams. They were a soft coral pink, blue and cream floral pattern (those were really popular colors back then). I complimented those colors in the paint, wallpaper and throw rugs. The bedroom looked like a showpiece, it was absolutely beautiful! It was one of many wedding presents from me to my new spouse. I really liked it but I was trying so hard to please my bride, I thought all women liked that sort of thing.

I found out years later she absolutely hated all of it… all those years she never said anything.

When she told me so many years later I wasn’t even hurt I just laughed.

I know how you feel regarding the issue of no intimacy. That’s been a tough one for me all these years. I never sought out an affair. I know myself well enough that I would feel too guilty about it and there would be no pleasure in it. So I just respected her wishes all these years and remained celibate.

No we are not alone Jana, we both found this place and there are so many here who know right where we’re at too.

All my best to you!

Stevie

Link to comment
Guest Eve Caillard

Hi Stevie and welcome along!

Take a moment to read my history and you'll find you are not the only latecomer to cross-dressing! I started at the tender age of 53!

Good luck

Eve

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you for your kind words Stevie! That really helps. It's wonderful not to feel so alone--and the celibate thing, the knowing you'd feel too guilty--yes. Wow. I just had a terrific experience today i'd like to mention too--i went to a neighboring town and stopped at a muffler shop and the woman there--Monica--a pretty young person in a male body helped me. Thank goodness for young brave people like her too. I'd love to chat with you more.

Jana in Kelowna

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 57 Guests (See full list)

    • Betty K
    • MaryEllen
    • Birdie
    • Ivy
    • April Marie
    • KathyLauren
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,103
    • Most Online
      8,356

    BUGFIEND
    Newest Member
    BUGFIEND
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bobbijean
      Bobbijean
    2. Bryan
      Bryan
      (61 years old)
    3. jlw5ju
      jlw5ju
      (27 years old)
    4. ladykirabellum
      ladykirabellum
      (47 years old)
    5. Lizzie17
      Lizzie17
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      It is scary, (and as you say, thrilling) at first.  But the more you do it the easier it gets.  I dress fem 24/7 (almost always skirts and dresses) and I live in a conservative county of a "red state".   Sure, there are places I avoid, but I have little desire to be there anyway.  It gets to just be part of who you are.   My experience is that most people don't care, some are curious, and surprisingly many (usually other women) friendly.   The first steps are the hardest.  It's similar with bathrooms.
    • Ivy
      Don't know how this posted itself.  To continue…   There was a time when I tried to make excuses for them.  But I am coming to the realization that in their eyes, I, and those like me, are 2nd class citizens at best.
    • Ivy
      There is a rather large part of the GOP that is determined to strip the rights of trans citizens, despite us being a small minority, some with families, who work, pay taxes, and who do - and have served in our armed forces, are medics, nurses, etc.   They insist that the US is a "christian country" - referring to their particular brand of christianity.  And this is despite the constitution, that they claim near worship of, expressly prohibiting this very thing.    
    • Lydia_R
      Oregon has a law that allows you to change your name and gender once in your lifetime without involving the courts.  It took me about 2.5 months to complete and was relatively easy.  It came up yesterday about how I changed my gender on my ID to F instead of X.  I identify with M->F, not X.  I passed over the line into F, but I'm still near the middle in the spectrum.  And I intend to keep going in the F direction.  There is another transwoman named Rachel Rand who is about 10 years older than me and I use her as a model for where I want to be in 10 years.   I'm a proud Gen X'er, but it's based on latchkey arcade games, not gender.
    • Lydia_R
      I never met me GT in person.  I started off by dressing in my LBD going to fast food and drive thru coffee.  The first time I ventured out of the car, I was wearing a tight fitting long black dress with hose and heels to the ATM.  No one saw me and it was a good step to take.  I still love that dress and was wearing it last week.  I have learned to accept my male bulge in a feminine way thinking of it being like a teenage girl who's breasts are coming in and how that must feel when being in public.  Nothing I can do about it and I'm not into wearing some pleated skirt to hide it because I'm not into that style.
    • Lydia_R
      Wow, talk about big data!  I think I'd geek out on those vectors.  Politically, that idea is pretty sick.  Artistically....  Gotta have something to do with your time.  It's low impact work.
    • Lydia_R
      Although there certainly is just flat out racist hate in this, I tend to ignore that kind of thing and think of it from an economic standpoint.   I've seen some reports of the Chinese being afraid of their men becoming weaker and becoming less able to do hard, manual labor.  Of course that is just sexist BS on some level (my first wife does professional construction work), there is undoubtedly a weakening that goes with the M->F thing.  I feel it within my body.   In my opinion, it's just old school economics of a growing economy.  Like Vaclov Smil is suggesting, maybe we should give up on the idea of growth:   https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/sep/21/vaclav-smil-interview-growth-must-end-economists   I believe this old school growing economy is over and there is nothing anyone can really do about it.  Like a river, we just need to go with the flow and not fight it.  My roommate is talking about the idea of the country splitting up in to regions.  Perhaps there is some sense in that?  Two of my trans roommates this year came from the mid-south specifically for trans healthcare here.  We all like it here in Portland.  It isn't perfect.  Ironically, it could be much more accepting here.  But all the trans people I know here say that we are not leaving.  Because of my career, it is almost certain I will have to move by the end of the year, but I'll likely be coming back when my job is completed.  My house is 4 miles from the transgender hospital too.  I've had the fantasy for years about being a halfway house for people having surgeries.  I get this feeling that it is going to become a strange episode of M*A*S*H.  I guess I'm just going to go with the flow on this.  Fighting the tow of the moon and all that.
    • Ladypcnj
      Yes, its common in gender therapy, my therapist was similar the same way, I should embrace my femineity. I came out in my childhood years. It was the first time my parents took me clothes shopping; I ran on over to the girl's department when I was a kid, some of us already knew we are girls. Okay, now let's bring things up to 2024, how to get past your fear? For starters, you can watch fashion shows or look around your surroundings outside to see what other women are wearing today. Take out your notebook to write things down such as red top, black jeans, earrings, boots or sneakers.. okay you get the general idea. Since I was already dating x-girlfriend at the time, shopping for female clothes during the holiday, was supper easy, if anyone asked me.. I just said I'm getting these clothes for my girlfriend, and it worked like a charmed.    Another to get past the fear without leaving home, you can try online shopping, you would need to measure waist area, and height .. this might come with trial and error since there is no dressing room. 
    • Lydia_R
      I'm not sure how much you can really help anyone, but I have enjoyed opening my house up to trans people this year.   Including myself, there have been 4 transgender people living in my one bedroom house.  And there is one cis gendered male here.  All of us have experienced homelessness.  Not just a couple days either, but significant homelessness.  Since I was homeless for 4 years 20 years ago, I've always wanted to be in a position where I could open up my house like this.  For whatever reason, I am the only trans person in the house right now, but it seems that others are on the way.  I have a desire to keep my house running like this for the foreseeable future.   I had a retired Scientologist counselor helping me out when I was in my 4 year homeless period.  I can't even imagine how I would have survived without her.  When I was living in those cars and vans, I'd have periods of a week or two where I'd stay with her and have adventures.  I'd get some better food.  She was on SSI, so we would go to the food bank.  I got turned onto cauliflower from the food bank.  I'd get my laundry done and then I'd have some time studying on the computer.  I slept on the living room floor with a sleeping bag.  My Dirty Pot and Igotarock compositions where made on the floor of that apartment.  I just put my gear on the floor and recorded my bass sitting on the floor.  I had made the drum machine parts while I was sleeping in my GEO Metro.  She kicked my out on New Years Eve going into 2004.  I had just been a mad scientist doing math and that was the best thing for me at the time.  a/b=c/d   So yes, you can help if you use some balance with it.
    • Mirrabooka
      @awkward-yet-sweet I hope you get to go on the trip! I'm assuming from what you wrote that your husband is a trucker. I know what it's like to have diesel in your veins, to sit in a cab for hours on end enjoying the scenery and listening to the music of a big engine, it's pretty awesome and there's nothing quite like it.   @Birdie When ya gotta go, ya gotta go! I hope your state laws catch up with reality one day, but I won't hold my breath waiting.   Well, we might have a bit of an awkward situation happening here soon. It's our 40th anniversary this July and last week we finally decided to do something to celebrate it by going on an interstate getaway to a city which we love, Hobart. Flights are booked and paid for, accommodation in a nice hotel booked, a day cruise while we are there booked and paid for, etc. Meanwhile, our son and DIL dropped in yesterday with our 2mo granddaughter. We told them that we finally got off our behinds and booked a trip and everyone was happy. Then, they told us about our granddaughters' baptism which was organized for June 9th. No worries, we'll be there!    Fast forward a few hours and DIL contacted us to say that June 9th was off because one of the God parents isn't available, and the *only* alternative is for the weekend that we are away! Grrrr! So why couldn't they choose a later date? Because baby might grow out of her outfit by then! I know what will probably happen, there will be a heated discussion and to keep the peace we will once again cave in to the demands of others who never stop wanting a piece of us and we will end up canceling our trip.   First world problem I know, but we're getting pretty frustrated since my retirement last year that we can't seem to do anything for ourselves for more than a day or two at a time.
    • April Marie
      Oh, gorgeous!! Thank you for the link!!!
    • KatieSC
      April, Those are beautiful. You may want to check out the offerings from this company, Trisha Waldron Designs. I discovered her jewelry a few years ago when I was at the Rapid City Regional Airport in Rapid City, SD. They have a gift shop there that had her jewelry. See link: https://trishawaldrondesigns.com/home/
    • Mmindy
      I love that @April Marie smiles. 
    • April Marie
      Discovering a woman in the mirror.
    • KatieSC
      Heavens to Murgatroyd! What if Governor Abbott has installed genitalia scanners on the commodes? I suppose they could collect, catalog, and then with the genitalia scanner, activate the Klaxon, the red lights, and then initiate the barriers to contain you until the police arrive. Weird times, and weirder politicians, call for extreme measures. All of this caused by you wanting a gladder bladder. Woe is the world...   On a more real world note, be careful Birdie. Someone may snitch you out just to see what happens. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...