A first, rough draft transition timeline

[Guest aballofquestions]

So I had found some examples of timelines that other people had made or what they had done themselves but now I cant seem to find them. I wanted to get an idea for what I would want mine to look like. So here is what I came up with. It doesnt include any legal things (name changes, changes to birth cert etc) but I included other important stuff I could think of. Im sure I forgot plenty of things, let me know if you see any glaring problems.

1. -2 month

a. Get letter, see GP

b. Start voice lessons (every other week?)

2. -1 month

a. See Endo

b. Start laser (face first, then the like, 3 hairs that grow on my chest, then legs possibly if money allows)

3. -.5 months

a. Endo Follow up

b. Voice lessons once/month?

4. -0 months – Start HRT

a. HRT!

b. Practicing voice daily; be able to use voice consistently for prolonged periods naturally (not perfectly though)

5. +2 months

a. Out to work if necessary (in a temporary position now, will depend where I am at this time)

6. +4 months

a. Out to entire extended family, tell friends who need to know

b. Out to inlaws…

7. +4.5 months

a. Go on “vacation” for two weeks

b. Able to use voice 99.9% of the time flawlessly

c. Enough of a wardrobe to get by

8. +5 months (full time)

a. Return from vacation as Alexis, forget the empty shell, the masks, the lies and the deceit, forget the pain, forget the darkness, forget the world in shades of gray. Be reborn as the person you were born as, as Alexis and never --Censored-- look back.

What do you think?

Thanks everyone

-Alexis

[Carolyn Marie]

I think this is good, Alexis. I've made a few comments here and there, in red.

So I had found some examples of timelines that other people had made or what they had done themselves but now I cant seem to find them. I wanted to get an idea for what I would want mine to look like. So here is what I came up with. It doesnt include any legal things (name changes, changes to birth cert etc) but I included other important stuff I could think of. Im sure I forgot plenty of things, let me know if you see any glaring problems.

1. -2 month

a. Get letter, see GP I take it that you're already seeing a therapist? That's good.

b. Start voice lessons (every other week?) There are lots of options beyond formal lessons, but lessons are cool, if you can afford them.

2. -1 month

a. See Endo

b. Start laser (face first, then the like, 3 hairs that grow on my chest, then legs possibly if money allows) I doubt leg work will be needed. Most transwomen have little problem with leg and body hair after a few months HRT. See how that goes, first.

3. -.5 months

a. Endo Follow up

b. Voice lessons once/month?

4. -0 months – Start HRT

a. HRT!

b. Practicing voice daily; be able to use voice consistently for prolonged periods naturally (not perfectly though)

5. +2 months

a. Out to work if necessary (in a temporary position now, will depend where I am at this time)

Take this step slowly and with a plan. See HR first, get management support. Have them help with transition plan, if they are willing.

6. +4 months

a. Out to entire extended family, tell friends who need to know

b. Out to inlaws…

7. +4.5 months

a. Go on “vacation” for two weeks

b. Able to use voice 99.9% of the time flawlessly

c. Enough of a wardrobe to get by Start assembling the wardrobe early, so it doesn't come as a big financial drain all at once. The basics, such as shoes and bras, can be pricey. Bras you won't likely need the first 6-8 months, anyway.

8. +5 months (full time)

a. Return from vacation as Alexis, forget the empty shell, the masks, the lies and the deceit, forget the pain, forget the darkness, forget the world in shades of gray. Be reborn as the person you were born as, as Alexis and never --Censored-- look back.

What do you think?

Thanks everyone

-Alexis

[Guest Clair Dufour]

The problem with building timelines is where you live. Here in Colorado gender idenity is protected. I can go to work en fem and they can't do any thing about it as long as I do my job. If a cop stops me and my license does not say Clair it does not matter. Of course what part of the jail to toss me in is still getting worked out. It varies not only by state but also by city. Some places one can get on hormones with little effort as long as the blood tests come back good and the results are good. In others its a long term battle even for getting blockers. The work effort required to pass as a woman does not change regardless of where you are.

[Guest aballofquestions]

The problem with building timelines is where you live. Here in Colorado gender idenity is protected. I can go to work en fem and they can't do any thing about it as long as I do my job. If a cop stops me and my license does not say Clair it does not matter. Of course what part of the jail to toss me in is still getting worked out. It varies not only by state but also by city. Some places one can get on hormones with little effort as long as the blood tests come back good and the results are good. In others its a long term battle even for getting blockers. The work effort required to pass as a woman does not change regardless of where you are.

Definitely true, I am in SC so those are all considerations. While there is (shockingly) an informed consent clinic an hour away, I want to go the route of getting a letter from my therapist though. I do already know of some GPs/Endos in the area who are trans friendly. Hopefully, at least some of this will come out of my insurance. Im not currently employed so Im not worrying too much about that side of things (like how/when to come out etc). Although I am considering moving to Colorado

I am also exploring options for voice practice, not sure what I want to do. In my running from my real feelings I actually trained myself to speak lower when I was a teenager, my natural voice is fairly high (I think) but its basically never been used so I worry about getting my voice where I need it.

Good to hear I shouldnt need to worry too much about laser for my legs...I would have had to sell a kidney

[Guest Clair Dufour]

Getting a letter is smart plan but, dressing and going to safe places that accept transpeople sure speeds it up and making friends with other sisters helps avoid the pit falls. For most of us, voice and jesture changes when we dress and get in the mode with other sisters and a guy offers to buy us a drink. Unless we record our voice on a computer or smart phone, play it back, and hear how we sound to others we don't know how we sound.This is how to find our best voice. I find southern drawl with its nasal sound and higher pitch works well and who doesn't want to sound like a sweet southern belle?

[Guest aballofquestions]

Getting a letter is smart plan but, dressing and going to safe places that accept transpeople sure speeds it up and making friends with other sisters helps avoid the pit falls. For most of us, voice and jesture changes when we dress and get in the mode with other sisters and a guy offers to buy us a drink. Unless we record our voice on a computer or smart phone, play it back, and hear how we sound to others we don't know how we sound.This is how to find our best voice. I find southern drawl with its nasal sound and higher pitch works well and who doesn't want to sound like a sweet southern belle?

Well that ones easy...grew up in South Carolina . I wasnt born here so I can turn the accent on and off, I generally tone it down but I used to turn it up to 11 when I was a server and would get very southern tables to make them feel more comfortable. I hear pretending to be someone youre not is pretty common in our circles

Im having a hard time meeting too many people in my area. There is a support group that meets every other week, went for the first time last time and Ill go again this week. Im hoping I can make some friends who I can really hang out with. Im pretty shy around new people so its slow going, but I plan to invite whoever wants to go out to get a bite to eat after the meeting this week. Hopefully get to know people better to where we can be actual friends and not just people who go to the same support group. im also debating going enfemme but I dont know if Im ready for that yet, my parents are the only other people who have seen me dressed. I do think that would help them to feel better though, to show Im not just some admirer or that this is a passing fad for me. idk. Maybe one of you have good ideas for how to meet more people and make more friends with sisters?

[Guest Clair Dufour]

That you have a support group there means there is probably a good size LGBT community also. While support groups are important to deal with transistion issues, LGBT groups and places embrace the whole spectrum of sex and gender. This is where the crossdressers, drag kings and queens and many transgendered people find the largest accepting group of people who stick together and are political to make things better for everyone. This is even more true in the south. Go explore. For a bit of gas and a few beers you might find a place where you can take your drag bag and have a good time one night a week. Its a start.

While going out enfemme is the goal, dressing like many of the women you see on the street works too if you let it. In the 80's I did a lot of trips down south with long hair, earrings, girls jeans and leg warmers. I got one comment, "my wife wears leg warmers like that". Of course I didn't add the breastforms and let down my hair till after dark on my way to a safe place. To me the goal is to pass is to pass no matter what end of the female gender spectrum. But, that's me.

[Guest LizMarie]

Drawing up a timeline is helpful, but don't freak if things go slower or faster than planned.

[Charlize]

I have to agree with LizMarie. If i'd made a timeline i would have driven myself nuts. I think i just chipped away at transition and then suddenly realized that i had found some peace with myself. There always seemed to be roadblocks so i either did end runs or waited. Perhaps the most important and difficult time was finding out if i felt right in the world as myself. I dressed as much as i could and lived each day as much as possible as a female . I just never came out in my community or with my family. That time along with my time with a therapist gave me the acceptance and certainty i needed. If i had made a timeline it would have included time as yourself in the real world as #1. Whether alone in a support group or with a friend finding your feet in the world and discovering if you can accept yourself and how the world does or does not accept you can be so important in later happiness. By the time i saw my gender therapist i had some experience living as myself and that helped me to continue to full transition.

Most of all take your time and enjoy. We are here to help as we can.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest LizMarie]

Actually, Charlize, my therapist made me draw up a timeline and it was three pages long! It even included things like first time getting my eyebrows trimmed. And almost none of it went off quite as planned.

But the advantage it gave me were small goals to shoot for, baby steps, do this, do that, do the next thing, instead of sitting in place moping.

Now I'd say that I have about two of those three pages checked off today. Getting GCS is taking longer than I originally planned (about 4 years from when I started instead of 3) and facial hair removal is taking longer yet it is progressing! But I'm legally me now. I'm out at work and living full time. These were things I wasn't sure I could even do at one point yet now they are past tense.

So to me the advantage of the timeline was not in sticking to it, but in becoming a list of checkboxes that I could check off as each goal was met. And as I've met those goals, I look back and realize just how far I've come from where I was.