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Strange Dream


Guest My_Genesis

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Guest My_Genesis

Okay so I still haven't gotten any of those sex dreams people keep talking about..mainly in the ftm section :P

But last night I had this pretty strange/slightly more sexually-related dream that stayed in my mind for pretty much the first half of the day.

There's this kid who hangs out with my hallmates and I a lot, even though he lives on the other end of the building. He reminds me of myself in a lot of ways personality-wise...one specific example being we have similar taste in girls lol. So in the dream, I can't remember sequentially what happened very well, but there was this hypothetical girl that i guess he liked...or i guess we both liked, and my whole hall was pretty much standing around him and cheering him on because he was just all over this girl. And I was really mad, thinking "that should be me!!" and somehow the dream then turned into a bunch of kids in my hall complaining about me to my RA, and since she lives right next to me I can hear them saying things about me being a really mean and angry person...so then my RA has me go into her room and she tells me I need to try to control my temper more and try to be nicer to people. And I really wanted to explain to her what the cause of it was - that this other guy got pretty much everyone's applause (except mine) for out of nowhere basically dry humping this girl in the middle of our hall, and that I probably liked her before he did and he didn't deserve all that attention..or that girl...

but I chickened out because I didn't feel like getting into all that, so I never explained it to her.

Then there was this other part of the dream where I felt like crying, and I couldn't. And I was sitting there in my room, in bed with my laptop, talking out loud to myself "I hate this, wanting to cry but not being able to, it's the worst feeling in the world!" So that just made me more frustrated and angry...

On a sidenote, a few hours ago this same kid IM's me on Facebook chat about the dude who sings the video for the Meatspin theme song (long story, but I sent a link to the music video to this other guy in my hall who was sneaking into people's rooms and putting meatspin on their laptops when they weren't in there..lol). So he says "actually, he's having sex with a crossdresser. you cant see that but the orginal video you could....or so urbandictionary claims...therefore- its like transgender, which isnt gay or straight ^^ "

And I felt like I had to explain to him that that's not exactly how it works....and I kinda felt like telling him I'm trans but I didn't really have the time to continue the convo anyway...

Just really weird how it all happened in the same day...involving the same guy...I feel like it might mean something...

:huh:

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Guest Elizabeth K

Males compete all the time - even best friends, its how it works. The difference is males laugh about competion and resolve to win the next time, and forget it. Girls tend to conspire with each other and avoid competion. When competion occurs girls resent each other, they may eventually forgive but not forget.

You seem to be struggling in your dreams with being somewhat in between.

Maybe that's whats going on. The sudden appearance of this guy later is a spooky coincidence, however, especially with the TG part. And you are right 'neither gay or straight' is not what it is, but it sure sometimes seems that way, even to me.

Just some ideas,

Lizzy

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Guest My_Genesis

Hmm well, today I was talking to him and my RA, and I told the guy I showed the music video to that we should show her, and he asked which one. And I said "the one with the gay guy" or something. and again the other guy says "he isn't gay, he's transgender." And y RA says "what are you all talking about?"...it was weird he said it in front of my RA who I kinda briefly mentioned the trans stuff to already, but I never really brought it up with her again even though she said if I ever wanted to talk to her about it I could.

But since they were both in the dream, and then he said it in front of her...I just kinda feel like I should be saying something. And I'm really considering talking to him about it. As for my RA, I don't really know, for some reason talking to her about it is a lot more difficult. Like it was in the dream :rolleyes:

And I also kinda wish I could just tell her about the dream, since it's kinda bugging me. but then, just like in the dream, that whole part with the girl would come up and she'd probably start asking me stuff about it....I never mentioned anything about liking girls or guys or whatever, so I really don't feel like talking about that with her...but it's that kind of thing where I feel like I'm constantly getting "prompted" to bring it up and don't know whether I should or not.

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they are just social cues but you only have to bring it up if you want to dont feel pressured into it

and im starting to think its hard for you to talk to your RA because maybe you have a crush on her?

the dream seems to explain current situations

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Guest My_Genesis
and im starting to think its hard for you to talk to your RA because maybe you have a crush on her?

lol, you're like the hundredth person to ask that, my therapist asked me that too...

It's harder for me to talk to girls in general about things like this that are personal...unless I have a crush on like 90% of girls I talk to :lol:

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lol, you're like the hundredth person to ask that, my therapist asked me that too...

Let's see one hundred to one, with odds like that which way would you place your bet?

Seriously, Way back when you were waiting for a response from her about your E-mail I asked you that question and just like now you dismissed it.

Even your therapist asks you that question - why so you think that is?

You are exhibiting all the signs of a classic 'shy boy, too afraid to ask' crush.

Don't just dismiss this idea or her - she is obviously special to you, did it ever occur to you that she might like to know that you think she is someone special?

Just a thought and I don't have a degree in Psychology.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest My_Genesis
Let's see one hundred to one, with odds like that which way would you place your bet?

Seriously, Way back when you were waiting for a response from her about your E-mail I asked you that question and just like now you dismissed it.

Even your therapist asks you that question - why so you think that is?

You are exhibiting all the signs of a classic 'shy boy, too afraid to ask' crush.

Don't just dismiss this idea or her - she is obviously special to you, did it ever occur to you that she might like to know that you think she is someone special?

Just a thought and I don't have a degree in Psychology.

Love ya,

Sally

haha well i dunno y'all are confusing me because there's this girl in my hall i was practically lusting after for like the entire first 3-4 months of school, she's the one i have a crush on but I guess i don't really talk about it here because i don't have much of a reason to...

another thing about my RA is i'd hate to not be accepted by someone because of their political views, a lot of it is about her politics, and stuff she'll say about homosexuality being a choice and all. and we get along pretty well, i guess im kind of an approval seeker because i was pretty much a loner throughout high school. so i just really value people's approval and friendship now, and like i said i'd hate to lose it over this.

with this other girl in my hall i like, i mean first of all i never brought it up to her, and second she's not uber conservative..lol. so with her i don't really have anything to stress over except self control :rolleyes:

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Guest Elizabeth K

Crushes are complicated. You are usually afraid to act on it because you might get rejected and ruin a perfect fantasy. BUT if you don't act on it, you might lose that person.

Act on it - take a chance. If it doesn't work out, smile and say 'next time!'

Just a thought

Lizzy

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Guest My_Genesis

It's more I'm afraid of anything physical because I'm so dysphoric it just freaks me out to even think about it, so I just try to stay away from her (the other girl) as much as possible lol. My RA is different it's more of a friendship that I value, and she IS the one who helped me adjust and integrate socially into college, more than anyone else.

So yeah I'm still saying I don't have a crush on her lol. Once in awhile it's more of a purely physical attraction, which lately has been happening with like at least half of the girls i see on a daily basis and most of the shows I watch on TV; just something I've gotten all too used to :rolleyes:

Crushes are complicated. You are usually afraid to act on it because you might get rejected and ruin a perfect fantasy. BUT if you don't act on it, you might lose that person.

Act on it - take a chance. If it doesn't work out, smile and say 'next time!'

Just a thought

Lizzy

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Guest Elizabeth K

Fantasy is good too - we are good at fantasy. I was so dysphoric I didn't even date until college - and then didn't know what to do. We are a complicated people, we gender dysphoric.

So work on the friendship - and hold your ground. Don't compromise too much and hope to be liked for yourself.

Listen to me, talk here! I sound like my mom!

Lizzy

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Guest My_Genesis
<--- is gettin crosseyed listenin to you.

It's easy.

Be friends with the guy.

Date the girl.

It's simple.

I am friends with the guy in my dream if that's who you're talking about...I never felt angry towards him the way I did in the dream, which is part of what made it weird. There are other guys that bug me, with their phony masculinity and stuff..but he isn't one of them.

The dating thing, not as simple when every girl you like is straight and views you as female... :huh:

It just seems really awkward to me to be like "Oh, so I'm actually trans and I have a crush on you, we should go out sometime." lol.

Plus I mean I feel like we have so much in common that she's kinda everywhere, we had 2 classes together winter quarter and are both potentially (unofficially) bio majors. So I figure if she's like my soulmate or something, one day after college we'll run into each other as colleagues doing some kind of research project, I'll be as physically male as possible (in 10 years or so maybe that will be more so than is possible now? :huh: )...and yeah if it's meant to be it will be I guess.

Good things come to those who wait :D (Telling myself this is what gives me an invaluable amount of patience lol)

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Guest Cody_T
Good things come to those who wait :D (Telling myself this is what gives me an invaluable amount of patience lol)

And then you look up and wonder where your life went...

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Guest Elizabeth K
And then you look up and wonder where your life went...

Yes - I agree

“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans”. John Lennon

Lizzy

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