A positive outlook on life

[Guest JillyDeex_53_mtf]

With each day that passes, I feel more and more confident that I have made the right decision in trusting my feelings and not let myself be trapped by the male spirit that has been holding me back and giving me negative thoughts all of these years. Transformation of mind and body however does not happen overnight or by magic. He is not going to leave without proper closure and I will have peace of mind that I have not left destruction behind once I finally close the male chapter in my life and put him to rest once and for all.

With my counseling session not too early in the morning I have just enough time to get ready. My electrologist has been making steady progress and I am feeling more confident in my looks. It just all feels as it should; natural - the makeup, hair, dress, shoes, jewelry, but I know its from paying close attention all these years to details so that when I am ready to go out I feel completely at ease with my looks and demeanor. I am especially fond of the eyes because they are the windows to your soul. I would not think of wearing sunglasses inside to hide behind.

A month ago, I would not have thought that I would be going as Jilly to see my counselor. But I just feel so comfortable in my skirt, blouse, heels and makeup that when I look in the mirror, I do not see my former self but my true self. When I look into my therapist's eyes, I see so much empathy and compassion and I can see her eyes begin to fill with tears as I continue to share with her my journey into womanhood. I never imagined that I would bring her to tears but they were tears of happiness, the same tears I was crying. So much has changed since I first saw her back in April. She is very much worried that I am moving too fast but at the same time she knows how my spirit has emerged out of the lifelong shadow of a male cover and how I am learning to become at peace with my emotions. There is something to say about emotions when the estrogen begins to take effect. They become powerful and sometimes difficult to control and at times it feels like I'm spinning out of control.

After my session last Saturday, I took advantage that I was already out and convinced my wife to come out with me and "DOAC". In reality, I would not have stayed out for so long or go to somewhere so public by myself without her support so I must give her a lot of credit. Because she knows me, she is self conscious and worries that someone will recognize us. I assured her that she is the only one that would because when I show my picture to other people that know me, the hardly recognize and if we do run into someone, she could always tell them that I am his long lost sister visiting from Cali! Who would question it? We stayed out the whole afternoon and it was by far the most wonderful afternoon I've ever had! I even had gentlemen hold open doors for me! The whole afternoon went without a hitch. I did however set down some basics such as using the correct pronouns and that we must stay together, especially when nature calls and you know which room I will have to use. I keep my doctor's letter with me at all times just in case. I know it's not a solve all, but id did give me a level of comfort.

It seems now that I just so want to experience that feeling of authenticity again and again but I must continue my journey with patience, love and positivity. My male spirit is putting on a desperate fight with every tool in his arsenal to bring me down and to my knees but I will NOT allow him to deprive me of the happiness that I know I truly deserve. He did his part - family, kids, house, money. Now it's time to let Jilly have a life.

[Guest]

:thumbsup:

[Charlize]

It sounds like "he" doesn't stand a chance. Jilly's day has come and you are enjoying that. My "he" rests within me. The experiences we share strengthen me but i am glad to give the old boy a well deserved vacation.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Cyndysub]

You go girl ,that is so cool. I am dreaming of when I wll have a similar day. I feel like the hormones are a true blessing and I love all of the positives that they have brought to me.

[Guest JillyDeex_53_mtf]

Now if I could just turn every day like that into reality... "He" really wouldn't have a chance if only my wife felt the same way everyday. Her and my kids still want him back and three (and "him" making four) against one does not seem fair by any standard of measure.

Good thing I have my friends here for support and my safe house, otherwise who knows....

Always,

Jilly