West Hollywood Memorial For Leelah

[VickySGV]

Tonight I attended a rather hastily put together memorial vigil for Leelah Alcorn on the North side of the West Hollywood Public Library about 200 feet from where TDOR had taken place last November. There were about 35 people versus the several hundred that had been at TDOR, but it still had the same solemnity. Tears and choked voices and the obvious comfort from simply being in touching closeness of each other, rather than high ceremony marked the hour or less it took to run it's course.

The principal organizer for the event fell prey to electronic malfunction with an I-pad that lost battery power just as she was trying to hold back tears. The scheduled speaker was a young girl, yes Trans*, whose mother is highly supportive and who has gone to bat for her daughter in public. (Carolyn Marie knows the girl, who spoke at a TDOR that Carolyn was in charge of two years ago.) A basic ground rule was that hatred or bashing of Leelah's parents was NOT to be allowed, and it was honored. After the "scheduled speaker" was finished, and the organizer had herself and the I-Pad back under control and she had completed her presentation was delivered, there was an open podium for other people to speak. "What could we do to remember Leelah's life, and to make what she went through into a better tomorrow."

I could not resist an attempt to put in my $0.02, and by that point my thoughts were to the idea of parenting and what needs to happen. Too many parents get the idea that they are owners of their children, and are not the Adults holding their children for the benefit of a Future that is outside the scope of a parent to even fully dream about. The future is not just an afterlife!! Good information and parenting education that employs that information are vital not only to Trans* youth, but to any young person who is "different" in the eyes of other children and parents, GLBT young people are not the only ones who are the victims of bullying. I must have said it better than I have written it here, because I did see tears in eyes as I stepped down. I did mention this site and our goal of suicide prevention, and other places were mentioned as well.

The other poignant speakers were the ones who could envision Leelah as their younger sister of best friend, and expressed their true grief that they could not have been walking beside her as she suffered that night. They knew the loneliness she must have felt and thus their tears, and further why the had sought out the closeness of others such as themselves tonight,.

[Guest Clair Dufour]

I hope we see more and with more people. I found a reference today of a study in Canada that the suicide rate drops to 4% for trans teens that have support from their parents. Need to find that study.

[VickySGV]

I hope we see more and with more people. I found a reference today of a study in Canada that the suicide rate drops to 4% for trans teens that have support from their parents. Need to find that study.

I have a graphic somewhere in my files on that, but it is nearly 1:30 in the morning here, I'll see what I can do in a few hours.

[Guest]

Thank you for sharing VickySGV.

I also noted some wonderful pictures of the event elsewhere.

Huggs,

Joann

[Carolyn Marie]

It sounds like a very moving ceremony, Vicky. Thank you for the thoughtful comments you made, and sorry that I wasn't there to hear them. I'm glad that the group decided not to allow the bashing. It is understandable, but doesn't add to the memory of Leelah's life.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Charlize]

Vicky i'm so glad you went and spoke. Tears come to easily to all of us on or around this path. Hopefully we can help some others so that we don't have to suffer this as often in the future.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Jamie61]

Vicki, I've written this reply three times... I'm at a loss because this makes me so sad (angry).

Thanks,

Jamie

[Guest Jamie61]

Leelah's message hours before her tragic death, "The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren't treated the way I was, they're treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. ... Fix society. Please."

[Carolyn Marie]

At the Transgender Advisory Board meeting tonight, I suggested that we adjourn the meeting in memory of Leelah. It was a touching moment.

Carolyn Marie

[VickySGV]

Earlier today I read a very hurtful and hate filled article condemning ALL Trans* folk to _______!! The responses directed back at the author by Trans* people were stomach turning as well. (World without end!!)

Perhaps some day, the parents will be shown a vision that Leelah was isolated from people who could have saved her life, that there were loving peers for her, that could have spared her life.

I know there was one of Carolyn's colleagues present last Sunday and maybe another(??) and I am sure there were no nays or abstentions on the motion to adjourn. Fitting and sensitive to all the living and caring.

[VickySGV]

I was just reminded of this topic tonight while I was cleaning out some things I started to write and never finished.  One of those things was a submission to another web site related to my church's LGBT ministry near this time.  In both this article and the draft I must never have submitted, I mentioned comments that I made at the memorial service.  At the time I did not know that a camera trained specifically on the teenage woman who spoke that night, had caught me in its range when I made my brief speech on parenting.  This past summer I was invited to the showing of the documentary in progress that night.  It seems that my little bit to say had resonated with all involved in the film's content and there I was in the last 4 minutes of the film!!  The name of the film is Raising Zoey and is about the struggles of Zoey Luna, (now a 15 year old) and her mother here in a school district in Southern California,  Look for it and if you get a chance see it. 

[Briana]

A topic well worth remembering Vicky.  I think you showed much courage and thoughtfulness in sharing what you did with the group in attendance.   Parenting can be a difficult and very trying time.  Parenting well, even more so.  And parents in general tend to have strong feelings on how to do it...their way.  I found your comments very poignant and good parenting, especially around LGBT children, is something very worthwhile promoting.  Parenting doesn't come as a 'natural thing' like many assume.

[VickySGV]

My Face Book Memories brought up this topic from now, 9 years ago.  It is one that still haunts me and yet reassures me that I have taken the right path and attitude in my Post Transition life.  Tomorrow at this time I will be in the second half of my 7th decade of life.  With the absolute Hell breaking loose around us just now, this will remind us of the resilience and the community that we bring to each other against others whom I know would be sick to their stomachs if they knew, really knew our lives and stories.  Later that year, I began service in my local LGBTQ Center and the Trans Chorus Of Los Angeles, as well as my Mod Staff work here.  Leelah would be 26 years old had she lived, but the conditions under which she lived cut that short.