How did you start Transitioning?

[Guest Rose]

I've finally come out as trans to most of my family and now I find that I really don't know what the next step is. I convinced my Mom to get me a means of buying cloths and makeup online. Now I I am stuck waiting for it all to arrive so I can start cross-dressing, but what good does that do me if it comes without permanent change? I have a gender therapist, but my next appointment seems to be some nebulous time in the future. And even then, it may not result in any immediate changes. I feel as though my identity is stuck in purgatory. So what's the way out? I think the stories of those who have already gone through this would be the most informative. So please, if you have any story of beginning transition, no matter how mundane, tell it, so that the future may repeat the past for the better. Besides, I have no idea what to expect when something finally does happen.

[Ravin]

You're on the path. It's not an overnight process no matter how you go about it, but dressing and getting to a therapist are both good first steps. The therapist will help you work through and identify next steps.

Asking people close to you to start using a female name and pronouns is another step you can take once you're out as trans.

[Guest April Kristie]

Great answer Ravin! The goal or one of them anyway is to become comfortable in your own skin. The change comes from within and growing into the role you have chosen. How do you so this? You have to keep to the path, be strong in your convictions and remember not everyone will agree with this until they never know the difference in you, and you pass.so, get the. Clothes, experiment with the make up, have a little fun too. And as a song says let it flow.

[Carolyn Marie]

I guess my question is, why the indeterminate appointment? Is your G.T. too busy, or is there another reason? You should have a regular, predictable schedule that works for both of you. The next time you see her/him, you should talk about a time line. I'm not suggesting that you rush things, and make this just about getting a letter of recommendation. I'm suggesting that you have a goal and some idea of what lies ahead and how to get there from here, that you can both agree on.

As mentioned above, this is a change that will forever alter the path of your life. You need to be sure, Once you've done that, only then is it appropriate to talk about letters and hormones. There is so much more to this than mannerisms and clothes and makeup. Take the time to do it right. You might start voice training, as that takes a while to learn well. The rest will come in time.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Drea]

Therapy.

Clothes, coming out, etc all very secondary.

[Charlize]

I dressed and came out almost the back way. I had begun to live my life outside the house as a female. I simply wanted to see if i could survive and overcome the fear and shame i had always felt.

I do wish i had had therapy as well during that time. It would have helped but i was afraid of coming out to my family. Instead i dressed as i left the house and went drab upon return.

When i went to my therapist it was as a woman but even at that point she was very helpful.

I'm glad you have your mother's support. That and therapy will smooth your journey and it will be easier for you to decide your path, especially with the help that is being offered to you. Even so don't feel rushed. This is more a process than a destination.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest KerryUK]

Do things slowly and ease into the new you. I started by coming out to my partner first. Then I started my first course of hair removal while I waited for my appointments to get underway with the GTs etc - the good thing about this is that you have something positive to look forward to prior to all of the GT appointments etc. At the same time, I started dressing very slightly more gender neutral and getting my hair styled in more gender neutral styles. Immediately prior to my starting my RLE period, I then 'came out' to family and friends - followed by my colleagues. As soon as I was officially 'out' and starting my RLE, I then started slowly changing more toward femme things (the first few weeks, I just wore tinted lip balm). Somebody once said to me 'Slowly, slowly catchee monkey'. This saying has helped me a great deal and I have referred to it many times.

The advantage of doing things slowly? It gives you a chance to 'grow' into the new you AND it gives others around you a chance to get used to you too. Too often, we want to rush into everything AND WE WANT IT ALL NOWWWWWWWWWW. Slow it down, and you will reap the rewards. Best of luck.

Kerry x.

[Guest Melissa~]

My early timeline was talking to my spouse, and hair removal, later therapy, and a single trusted family member. Finally I did make a decision, once that was done it was more of a plan to disclose widely, I started HT during that time, eventually I did the wide disclosure as planned. Work was included in wide disclosure, with that out of the way, I did a legal name change and started RLE since I planned on SRS.

[Guest RiemannHypothesis]

Interesting. I salute you all.

Something that I used and so did some of my friends was what we call "gender leaking". This was to slowly, and on front of colleagues and all, change your appearance and behavior. It can be growing hair out, changing the way that we dressed, wearing nail polish, starting HRT, and so on.

Co-workers may see the slow changes but there is never a big jump. Eventually, once one becomes more like a woman than not, but still you are the same person with whom they have been working all this time, when I (and others) come out, it is not so much of a surprise. It is more like, "Oh, OK, now this makes sense."

No big shock; more of an "of course."

That worked for me but still, the day that I did come to work with my new name, I was petrified. But others were not at all that shocked and it went well.

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Like the others, I started slowly. In my case, I came out to everyone that I keep in touch with as a first move. Then I shaved my face, that was a big change since I had had a beard, and mustache, and I also started voice practice. Voice is very important! My hair was already long, so I just let it out of the low male style pony tail, and let it flow freely. I love jewelry, and I was already wearing a Thor's hammer pendant, and I just added a necklace, and also started wearing earrings at work (they have been pierced for many years). I also stopped restraining my mannerisms, and body language (I am kinda girly it seems).

I noticed that these slow changes did not cause any concerns from my boss, or co-workers. I did however start male failing at an alarming rate. This was before hormones even. HRT came into effect next. Two months into hormones, I had to start wearing an outer shirt at work to keep my breasts from showing. I was starting to use a more feminine voice at work as well. I then switched to a ladies outer work shirt, complete with company logo, and buttons on the female side. Still no comments at work.

At almost four months HRT, I dressed as female in public for the first time. My avatar shows what I looked like at that time. I was almost always gendered as female outside of work after that. Then I had my best friend (who is also a trans girl) kinda "out" me at a party for a co-worker. I was completely accepted by my boss, and all of my co-workers. They had watched me transition slowly over the months after all. This was after only five months HRT. I am a wine tour guide, and I have been introduced as Stephanie to tour guests ever since. That was two months ago. I still haven't gotten my legal name and gender change yet, but I am working towards it. I hope my story helps.

hugs,

Stephanie

[Cyndee]

Hi Rose,

I am in my 50's established in life with family, career, and home, so my story may not be very relatable to a younger person, but here are a few things i've been through. As a youngster, I found out early on there were certain things you just did not tell anyone about. I became quite good at hiding my "dark secret", even as I heard her voice inside me, I kept saying no to her, and basically kept lying to myself, and living in denial of my TS. Society would continue to re-enforce it's notions of what you should do upon me (OMG). However I experienced unstoppable and intense desires to become female, I realized I was loosing control some 5 years ago. The dysphoria manifests it's self in so many weird and unrelated ways, it's intensity slowly growing looming larger and larger in life, causing unbelievable stress and anxiety. I told my soul mate in 2010, I had better get help for this, she already knew about me to some degree before we were married. I came out to my close family members about this time.

I started growing my hair out, lost a bunch of weight, and really started exercising with intensity, I had a mission to change my body, entered therapy, aquired more wardrobe, joined online groups, attended support groups, started going out more and more as female, aquired friends that only knew my female self, I started HRT, started electrolysis treatments on my face, and began my voice work. As I went full time, I changed my legal name and gender marker, came out at work, came out in my bands, updated all my finances, insurance, and identity documents.

Now I can say I have found a new level of happiness and while life is not perfect and it never is, I've largely fixed something that has haunted me from my earliest memories. Transition would be the right thing to do in hindsight.

Wishing you the best Rose with your unique journey....

Hugs

C -

[Drea]

I started with therapy.

Footnote: Seeing a therapist doesn't necessarily equate to therapy.

[Guest KerryUK]

I sooooo relate to what EmeraldCityGirl wrote - I could even have written it myself. It is so similar to my own life that it's uncanny.

Kerry x.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Since I knew very little about the whole transitioning process, at the suggestion of some people in a CD/TV/TS chat room (not here, this was back in the early days of dialup), I sought a gender therapist who explained the process and what all had to be done. That was pretty much where I started.

[Guest Kayla Grace]

I started transitioning quite quickly after I was able to come to terms with myself. Once I did that, I needed medical help with depression and anxiety. I began to wear a bra at work - who was ignorant - under a big sweater so nobody would notice. After my wise best friend told me that "You just have to take a deep breath, and do it", I had my name changed internally at work. That helped tremendously with my confidence in being able to sign things with Natalya; and being called said name helped as well.

I ordered my wig, breast forms, and Moom For Men a few days before new years. It was quite painful the first removal but then again, so is laser and electrolysis!! I first presented female a week ago and I was so happy that I took pictures, and even posted a topic on it here.

This leads me to now. Waiting for a call from a lead for work. Between my desire to give to the Playground what it gave me, I haven't done much lately. Once I get back into my working life, I will build a schedule around work, here, the gym, the CPA (Citizens Police Academy), and therapy for HRT. I plan to present female for all of them, but I think mainly my reason for not hitting the gym is that doing HIIT with a wig on might draw a bit of too much unwanted attention to myself.

I suggest therapy as your next step. You might not think you need it, but it's a requirement for HRT and GRS.

God Bless

Natalya <3