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new, confused and scared


Guest musicismylife

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Guest musicismylife

Howdy everyone. I am just finding this all out, but as I read and learn I am finally understanding those odd feelings I had growing up. I am genetically female but it has never felt right. I really have no idea where to begin. I have discussed it vague with a few people and so far only two people have accepted it. I am very shy but also an open book. Thank you all for letting me be here.

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  • Admin

Welcome to the Playground, Music. It's nice to meet you. Where to begin? May I suggest reading some of the pinned, as well as some of the more recent posts in the FtM, Transsexual, and Hormone Therapy forums. That should spark a few questions, which we'll be happy to answer.

Please don't feel rushed or stressed. This is your journey, take it at the pace that is most comfortable for you. We're here for you, whatever and whenever you need us.

I do ask our new members to please read the site Terms and Conditions, as they help us keep the site safe and pleasant. A link to the rules is at the lower right of each page. I look forward to hearing more from you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Guest musicismylife

Thank you kindly. I have been reading, a lot lol, on here. I think my situation makes it tough on me. How would I explain it to my 8 year old son who is extremely attached to me and has ASD? And my husband jokes about it on occasion but refuses to believe it. Just scattered in so many directions it Seems

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Guest Alexthecat

First find a therapist to help you figure out exactly what you want to do.

I wouldn't bug the kid with it unless your gonna present male and eventually go on hormones. "Mommy feels like a boy inside and wants to make the outside look like you feel on the inside." I hear small children take it well.

I think your husband needs to be on board for it to work well with your son.

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Guest Kayla Grace

Hi Music,

Welcome to the Playground, I'm glad you found us :)

"When the bell goes off", it can be a huge wake up call, even traumatic. Often times nobody has any idea where to begin. I still remember sitting in my bed mouthing half sentences like "it can't be", "am I really?". After about a whole day of feeling like this, it was all clear to me I was born to be a female. I also had a series of traumatic events happen, and I was stripped down and left only with the raw basic thoughts.

Starting off is definitely the hardest part. Once your foot is in the door, it gets easier and the motivation you get from implementing the changes keeps the momentum flowing. I would definitely tell your doctor about this, and attempt to find (or have him/her find) you a decent Gender therapist.

One thing you can do with your husband is tell him you had a dream you were trans. His reaction can give you a better idea on how to proceed with telling him.

I'll give it to you straight, your marriage WILL be impacted in some way or another. I wish you luck in not losing your husband.

In regards to your son, I agree with Alex. I don't have children (nor do I plan on it, at least for a while) but I've heard that children take it well. He's also attached to you, so I doubt the change will affect him. Though to cover all bases, if he were mine, I would tell him not to discuss anything regarding trans with anyone else in the family aside from you. Especially not your husband regardless of whether or not he is on board.

I wish you luck on your journey. Again, I'm glad you found us :)

God Bless

Natalya <3

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Guest musicismylife

Good idea. Know where I want to end up. It's still in it's early stage of accepting it all myself right now. A long journey I am excited to go on :)

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome we need Music here hopefully it will become a song of acceptance and peace. This isn't an easy journey for any of us but it is made easier by sharing with others who share at least part of the path.

Enjoy this safe place. It has helped me a great deal and hopefully you will find that as well.

Hugs,

Charlize

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Guest miss kindheart

Hi MusicMan,
<<< hug >>>
Welcome to Laura's Playground.
Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.
The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.
Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.
One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules. :)
We all look forward to seeing you.
:wub: vanna

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Guest musicismylife

Thank you everyone for such a warm welcome. I did open up to my husband yesterday. Let's just say it didn't go well at all.

Would love to join in chatting but seems my phone will not let me register.

All of the great support on here has started to help me really accept this more, and to open up to a few friends even.

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Guest Kayla Grace

What I want you to remember Music (and educate people on), is this isn't a lifestyle choice. Nobody would want to condemn themselves to this.

I'm glad you've accepted it, that's the first step :) I'm not sure how ftm differs from mtf, but I'd assume it has the same fundamentals

I'm sorry about your husband, I hope you weren't hurt. Would you care to talk about it?

God Bless

Natalya <3

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Guest musicismylife

I appreciate it. His replies were, "you don't feel like a man" (meaning sexually), then "I must be gay then" and finally "Yeah it's definitely weird. I will divorce you if you changed". Needless to say because of that I am forced to stay and not change. With my sons disabilities if he didn't have both of us in same home it would cause him major damage. I'm really tired of having to live a lie. Almost 32 years is way too long for me.

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  • Forum Moderator

Perhaps this would be a good time to get some help from a gender therapist. Mine helped me to work through my needs and the needs of my wife. I must admit she groaned when i told her she was legally a lesbian. Our partners and commitments to family often hold us back. The guilt i felt there has always been difficult for me. I didn't transition until i was in my 60's. It would be lovely if we could simply change ourselves and forget what we carry inside. I tried that for years but addiction and pain were the result. Please reach out for some help in real time and save yourself and your family. In so many cases we find our fears are bigger than the reality. With a slow compassionate change guided by professional help many mountains may become hills.

Hugs,

Charlize

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Guest Kayla Grace

Oh hun ... I'm sorry. If it helps, every relationship is impacted no matter how slight, and very few relationships stay together.

I'd love to say that you can just kick him to the curb, but you've covered that base. Normally, I'd say kick him to the curb, but you covered that base already. I will however say that if he is completely unswayable, he will have to go. If he is unwilling to even attend therapy or marriage counseling with you, then he has to go.

What I want you to do, is what makes YOU happy. I understand that you have a son that needs the both of you, and under no circumstances should you neglect him, but your happiness DOES count for something, and at the end of the day it's either make yourself happy or things will take a turn for the worst.

I understand that you're under a lot of pressure and there's really no way to win this battle. I would like you to take Charlize's advice and go to therapy, and see your doctor. Tell him/her about this and at least consider antidepressants. They were a godsend for my gender issues (if you're curious, antidepressants help almost as much as wearing girl's apparel, and the dysphoria is greatly reduced if not nullified). Just remember that I'm not a medical professional, and like the others here, can only give you opinions and not advice.

Please keep us posted :) God Bless

Natalya <3

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Guest musicismylife

Well I have looked into therapy. He won't even go to marriage counseling (been trying to get him to go for years) so know he won't go. I am going to see if I can find one for myself though. To his credit he has quit bugging me to dress feminine. Jeans and my sports sweatshirts (men's hoodies) are finally not getting picked on as much. So far I am taking it a day at a time and being thankful to just being able to tell people :)

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Guest Kayla Grace

I understand that you're going to do what you have to do, but make sure to at least invite him "along for the ride". Or at least sit him and and be kind - but assertive - in telling him this is what you need to do, and give him the choice. If he goes, he goes, and he wasn't worth your time in the first place. If he stays, then there might be some hope for him. You know him better then I do, but that's what I would do. My wife hasn't told me she'd leave if I transition, but she's also a girl, and I find - at least with natal women - that women will generally hold in what's bothering them until they just can't take it anymore. I cannot tell you how annoying it is for me to not get a straight answer out of her if she's going to leave or not. The reasons I don't kick her to the curb either is because one (and I can't tell you for the life of me why), I love her to death. And two, I'm not certain on things either, such as if HRT is going to change my sexual orientation.

Ramble Ramble ...

Sorry. What I can say for sure, is that you'll never be alone, you'll always have us :)

God Bless

Natalya <3

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