I will have to get use to being a circus curiosity

[Guest]

I don't know if it's my paranoia or a real thing but :

is it me or some persons take transgender people in general as circus curiosity and as soon as you start to lose interest to them they ignore you and dump you?

I can ear them think from here : "hey, he is curious, he's like a mix between a man and a woman"

1 week later : "it's getting old, he's no longer that funny"

then you cross them and they not even say hello or make a smile

I know there's a gaydar, is there radar for this that I will develop and maybe avoid loosing some precious time to worthless people?

sorry, it's a little on the rant side but it have to come out someway.

[Carolyn Marie]

I don't know about "transdar," but my suggestion is to either ignore or disregard any such people who can't respect you for who you are, and don't want to try to get to know you beyond the fact that you're trans. If that's the only thing about you that interests them, they don't deserve your time.

Are these folks coworkers, casual friends, or from some other part of your life? Just wondering.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest]

the people i'm talking about are coworkers.

You kind of get what they want as you go sometimes

[Guest Kaylee]

Sadly... Yes. I have experienced this more than a few times since coming out :\

[Guest Sarah Faith]

That's why it's really no ones business about my history. One of my goals in life is to make being trans the least interesting thing about me. When I used to be out and I'd tell people about my background, that's all every conversation would often be about which actually got old for me.

I would say that is the reason I often advocate making the world know you for you, not the trans identity. Its one of the biggest reasons I have absolutely no desire to wave the transflag and identify my self primarily as a transwoman. If people along the way find out well then they find out, but at that point it wont be what they primarily know me for.

[Drea]

Face it, the average person, even the most respectful, in the depths of their minds is going to find it weird. And nobody who has known you before is going to adapt right away.

And frankly, among those who know you before, despite all words about accepting you, inclusion of you in girl things, in the back of their mind you will be that girl who used to be a guy so 10 or 20 years down the road when you say or do something that for a woman would be notable instead of noting it they do a mental shrug and don't think anything of it cause they know your past.

For example on occasion, after having spoken about some technical subject someone, typically a guy, will complement me on my knowledge for being so knowledgeable in that subject "for a woman". Of course that person would be applying a gender stereotype, but it happens. Family or those who knew me before on the other hand would never make a comment like that or thought it odd because such knowledge would not be unusual for a guy since in their minds I was a guy once it isn't anything noteworthy.

So many want to think that someone they came out to and when that person is accepting want to believe that other person treats them identical to any other women. This is one instance where it just doesn't happen or if it does it is probably more a matter of humoring you than seriously given.

As far as curiosity factor wearing off and they ignore you? Are they ignoring you in the not wanting to be around you sense? Or in the you aren't anything special anymore so since they didn't much take note of you before they don't take note now?

If the former, I can't say I experienced anything like that. If anything, it was the reverse, those who had issues at first it wore off and they became okay. If it is the latter, well yes the curiosity factor wears off and you are nothing special really after awhile.

[Guest]

Face it, the average person, even the most respectful, in the depths of their minds is going to find it weird. And nobody who has known you before is going to adapt right away.

And frankly, among those who know you before, despite all words about accepting you, inclusion of you in girl things, in the back of their mind you will be that girl who used to be a guy so 10 or 20 years down the road when you say or do something that for a woman would be notable instead of noting it they do a mental shrug and don't think anything of it cause they know your past.

For example on occasion, after having spoken about some technical subject someone, typically a guy, will complement me on my knowledge for being so knowledgeable in that subject "for a woman". Of course that person would be applying a gender stereotype, but it happens. Family or those who knew me before on the other hand would never make a comment like that or thought it odd because such knowledge would not be unusual for a guy since in their minds I was a guy once it isn't anything noteworthy.

So many want to think that someone they came out to and when that person is accepting want to believe that other person treats them identical to any other women. This is one instance where it just doesn't happen or if it does it is probably more a matter of humoring you than seriously given.

As far as curiosity factor wearing off and they ignore you? Are they ignoring you in the not wanting to be around you sense? Or in the you aren't anything special anymore so since they didn't much take note of you before they don't take note now?

If the former, I can't say I experienced anything like that. If anything, it was the reverse, those who had issues at first it wore off and they became okay. If it is the latter, well yes the curiosity factor wears off and you are nothing special really after awhile.

I know all that. The funny thing is I forgot with time why I did not came out at 5 years old or something. It's because this lingering feeling of losing you state of human being for all sorts of good reason is scary, at first at least.

Now I remember why and I understand my past children, freaked out self. lol

now I'm stoping rant mode and going back to "trying to find positives" mode

[Guest]

That's why it's really no ones business about my history. One of my goals in life is to make being trans the least interesting thing about me. When I used to be out and I'd tell people about my background, that's all every conversation would often be about which actually got old for me.

I would say that is the reason I often advocate making the world know you for you, not the trans identity. Its one of the biggest reasons I have absolutely no desire to wave the transflag and identify my self primarily as a transwoman. If people along the way find out well then they find out, but at that point it wont be what they primarily know me for.

this is a very wise idea indeed. Thank you Sarah

[Charlize]

I have known trans folks who have moved from one side of the country to another to simply loose their old gender identity. In one situation it was rather painful for us as he didn't even want to see us as we had known him years before his transition. I'm not sure of how people see me but it doesn't really matter Apart from my involvement here and my time at GLBT or Trans. AA meeting i try to leave trans* at the door and just live. I enjoy the time i spend with people who don't know my past. It is somehow affirming. I also find it nice to simply be discussing an issue without gender variation being a part of anyones thought process. I'm also trying to accept that for some it will always be there. Perhaps it should be. It is my past and he was a decent guy as i hope she is a decent gal.

Hugs,

Charlize

[tracy_j]

It is my experience that it is often the people I have known the longest who have the biggest issues with my change. I think they have problems coping. Generally new people I meet seem to accept me as I am, although I have not really made any close friends as yet.

For me the circus curiosity came in with friends I have known for a long time rather than new ones. It was a surprise to them and I think some thought it a short term thing. Not unusually for us, those I tried to explain to understood little!

I just carry on and be friendly and communicate. True friendships will survive short term curiosity (and hopefully long term changes). I just carry on with life as far as possible. Although it is obviously a determinate at points mostly gender is irrelevant - at least to me and situations I am in.

I agree with Faith. The trans side of things, although important to us is not that relevant in day to day life with others. I am certain that many people I know will have noticed my makeup or feminine dress at times but they mostly do not pass comment or show changed behavior at my differences (at least in my company). I in return do not deliberately flaunt myself (if that is the best term - I am not sure of the best way of showing ordinary behavior as I do attempt to look attractive). Maybe it is just getting on with life as a woman and not mtf (or the reverse if ftm).

Tracy

[Guest Jamie61]

Hi Marie, I have been thinking about you and your work situation. I don't have any experience to draw from but I hope that at least some of your colleagues are genuine people and can appreciate you and your courage.

Your friend,

Jamie

[Guest cerise]

The only experience I might have with a trans woman in the process of working is occasional and other than a bit if jealousy that she is full time my only comment is she's a bit of B.

It might be from people constantly looking twice at her or something so if nothing else maybe being a nice person who makes other people feel comfortable with themselves is the best thing.

Thats what they'll remember.

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Marie,

I suspect that in time things at work will just become routine after awhile. Your co-workers will start treating you as if you have always been this way. As you know I am kinda new to living full time as a woman as well. I led a wine tour with six guests today, and everything went great. That is only unusual for me in that now my boss introduces me as Stephanie nowadays, and all my co-workers do their best not to use my old name by accident. My van support driver slipped up once, but I don't think the guests noticed it, and Carol (van support) quickly and quietly apologised to me. That is how it is going for me nowadays. I just thought I would share.

hugs,

Stephanie

[Guest KerryUK]

I started in my current job almost a year ago. I attended the interviews for the job as myself (I'd already been living in RLE for a year and so why not) and started the job as me. My colleagues have all been wonderful and although my voice confused them at first (it's a little deep for a girl but not impossible to be a girl's) they have accepted me as me. There were one or two 'slip-ups' with pronouns but it's been a long time since. They are aware of my history but they just accept me as Kerry - I have not been excluded from any very personal girl conversations and feel a valued member of an all woman team.

Family members have taken a lot longer to come around though. Some were interested at first in the curiosity element but I've cut ties with them anyway. The others, I think and hope are finally starting to 'come around' - just a couple of weeks ago, one family member referred to me as 'him' and then tried to correct himself without making too much fuss. I didn't make a deal of it because I could see he was embarrassed and it wasn't deliberate. With family members/friends, it seems to take so much longer for them to adjust (and why not, they have known us as a 'different' person).

[Guest noeleena]

Hi.

Circus.

depends on what one you joined or how many ,im not one of the clowns its more iv been put in charge of ...the ...clowns maybe i did things differently maybe i went around with a porpose in mind or i just let people come to me many did and you know what they helped me in so many ways was like why . why are you helping me have you been sent , they were they did not know that at the time yet they were and thats the most fantastic thing over the last few years ,

i could say the 7 day wonder yet really it was not like that at all and then you are forgoten , i would have to say difference would be more inkeeping and people are interested when you have a story to tell and so much is different then its hard to just blend in or get lost in the crowd ,

i tryed that and it never worked , your seen people note you and look , i think in many ways i joined the right circus and of acceptance because in the main my acceptance was there for me with out the hassles that i thought would fail me , it never happened ,

Oh and by the way the circus i joined its still going and its really fantastic in every way .

...noeleena...

[Guest Deenah]

You'll come across these people all over. Most are scared of the whole thing, others are intrigued in you. Be careful of them, and don't let your guard down EVER. In the years since I have been full-time, I have been stalked, followed, and one person attempted to get me in a truck. I immediately bought pepper spray, and took a firearms class so I can carry a weapon. I'm not saying that is something you should do, just that some of the curious are dangerous. Stay alert.