Stuck

[Guest Leigh]

so. i know we've all felt this. stuck. in our "bodies". in our "homes". in our "families".

i'm doing everything i can think of...

i'll back up. i have no insurance, no friends, no drivers license. i'm living with my parents and little sister (she's the only one i'm out to, but she's also the only person i ever think might really physically hurt me...)

so. i can't get therapy, well, i'm thinking of talking to my dad about it anyway (not telling him what for... but just in general, therapy) he might pay for it anyway, though our finances are pretty shaky right now.

anyway, can't start T right now that's for sure. i'm trying to save up (i'm working part time) to move to Cali, and maybe i can get some connections and get a job, or find a clinic that helps with trans issues...

so. i'm doing what i can. but i'm stuck here in ohio. and in this body, with no friends, and it's getting to where i don't even want them anymore. and i'm so sick of how wrong this whole world is (i'm not gonna hurt myself, don't worry, really just venting). so.............AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

i'm angry. i want to run away.. i dream about running away (hell, i have a tent, and i love the outdoors...).

and my sis, who's kind of my best friend, really doesn't get it. i mean, the kid has her own problems to deal with, and i don't want to belittle that. but i feel like that's what she's always doing to me. like she won't stop worrying over herself for one second to comfort me when i'm loosing my freakin' mind here...

i have so many things i want to talk about, and i try and start a conversation and she just forgets i'm there... i can't say how many times i've tried to talk to her about coming out to my parents, and she never listens. it wouldn't bother me so much, but she acts like she gets it. like it might as well be her. and she doesn't get it at all.

and i do what i can to help her out, cuz i know she's really depressed. but, god... it's like she needs to fight to be happy. or whatever it is she wants to be.."right" i guess. and i try to walk away, but she won't let me...she'll literally follow me from room to room... and i have enough to deal with.

well...that's all for now. thanks for reading if you do. really it's just good to write it out.

Peace&Love

[Sally]

Sweetheart,

We are always hear for you but I am going to move this topic to another forum because this is a very important issue, but thee suicide prevention forum is not for you.

You are in better control that the emergency help line.

I understand your frustration and need to vent so any time come here and vent.

We'll listen and even supply comfort.

Here is a great big hug for now.

love ya,

Sally

[Guest doodle]

Hi Noble Light

Sorry you are so bummed out and don't have any control over your life- that sucks. Being alone and isolated is one of the biggest problems that trans folks have to deal with. it is crushing and painful for each of us. Getting a therapist is a good idea if you can get you dad to spring for the money maybe you can tell him you are very depressed. there may be some inexpensive places you can go to. I don't think running away will be any help. Moving to San fran or new york city where there are large trans communities is not a bad idea, but making a living in these places is not so easy with the unemployment being so high . that is true here in NYC. You should start making yourself a plan to get yourself out of there , saving money learning a skill that you can support you self anything even if it is waiting tables Get experience in as many things as you can. Get in touch with the trans community and find out what kind of problems you will find and what help is available to you. There's lots of stuff here in NYC for young trans people By making a plan and working it and adjusting it as you go along will give you some control and you may not be so depressed. This is not so touchy feelly but i don't think a guy needs that , or wants that .

doodle

[Guest amie]

Let it out, Babe. It's okay. I know what that's like.

Many here could tell yu I've taken the venting thingee to a far greater extreme than you just did.

PM me if yu wanna and I'll always read and hitcha back with my thoughts on the matter.

Hell, I haven't done some good ventin' in a while...I could use someone like you. Heehee!

[Guest Deeedoo]

That's very sad. You don't seem like the kind of person who wouldn't have any friends. It's hard feeling lonely. Just remember that you won't be stuck forever. I hope you don't run away. Hopefully you can talk to your parents at least to say you're sad, because a hug from a mom or dad can at least give temporary relief.

[Guest Naomi Stardust]

you have plenty of friends here!

...yeah, younger siblings always think they're the center of everything (i know because i am the youngest )

if it feels good to write your frustrations down

then you need to write more!

the only trick to life is being patient, we all want things now, doesn't work that way

eventually you'll be in Cali with some $$ and on T

then you'll be impatient for something else

no one pays much attention to how good 'now' is

me included of course

but anyway, enough zenish ramblings from me

try to be patient

everyone on Laura's is here for you

just hang on long enough and things will start going your way

take care

Naomi

[Guest Pioneer]

I hope things work out for you but please don't even think about running away. That is not a solution.

Sorry that you are feeling hurt and frustrated. People are really nice here and supportive. It'll be okay.

[Guest Leigh]

thanks all, i'm feeling much better. focusing on work so i can save money and get to san fran asap.

love to all

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dear NobleLight!!

You are at the age where you can take charge of your own life!! I moved out of my parents house when I was 18. You can do the same. You don't have to be dependant upon your parents anymore. I suggest that you find an apartment with some friends (preferrably) or even strangers that are advertising that they need roommates to be able to make rent. Look around you will be surprised how many people are in that state. When I was your age, I moved into apartments where I did not know anyone, and they did not know me. Within a very short time, we were all very good friends. Some of them, I still keep in touch with to this very day!! Take heart dear, you have the power to change your life!! Go get it!!

Love,

bernie