HRT without Transition

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

Today my therapist was telling me about all the modern research on the biological cause of gender dysphoria and it changed my view of myself a little.

I always figured it had something to do with prenatal hormone levels, but he gave it to me in more detail. Basically, there's a key moment in the early stages of development where the dominant hormone level (testosterone or estrogen) determines the brain's gender. After that point, the brain starts rejecting the "wrong" hormones and keeps developing using only the small levels of the "right" hormones. That's why most people are male or female and there are less people "in-between".

In childhood and adulthood, if the brain is receiving too much of the "wrong" hormone or not enough of the "right" hormone, it causes anxiety and depression. The anxiety and depression aren't just caused by the mismatch with physical sex or social role; the wrong hormone levels cause some anxiety and depression directly.

This makes a huge amount of sense to me. I've been on HRT for nearly 5 years now and haven't made a significant social transition. HRT alone, without a social change or major physical change, has put my mind at ease. If you read the WPATH Standards of Care, it actually says HRT without transition is a valid option. I still fantasize about transition sometimes, and I get a good feeling on the rare occasions when I get called "miss" or "ma'am", but it's never been a requirement for me by any means. HRT with transition vs without transition is akin to monetary wealth to me. Transition sounds like being rich; but HRT without transition is like being financially stable. It sounds really nice, and I think I could achieve it with a lot of hard work and a few big risks, but I'm also quite comfortable just being stable.

Since I've been on HRT, I've felt like there's pressure to transition. Now most of that pressure has been lifted. I may still transition some day, but there's no reason to hurry. I could be on HRT for the rest of my life without transition, and that would be okay.

He pointed me to "The Gendered Self" by Anne M Vitale if you want to read more.

[Cyndee]

Your post makes sense to me Jo, nothing but anxiety and resultant stress growing up, and into adulthood, E in proper quantities largely solved this for me. Social transition is not easy (when life is entrenched), but it was soooo worth it for me since I suffered from social dysphoria as well (not a recommendation for anyone else ;-))

I have that book by Dr Anne Vitale, it's a really good read.

Best to you

Cynthia -

[Charlize]

I'm so glad you have posted this as it simply brings up another very valid path. I had gone full time before starting HRT but can easily see the relief and comfort you have found. If you chose transition later in life that amy also be easier. I was in my 60's. Mostly i think this is about finding peace and acceptance with ourselves and our gender issues. That is different for everyone.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Kayla Grace]

Some of us have a ridiculous amount of dysphoria (possibly to the point where we'd surgically modify our very bone structures and internal organs) whereas some of us barely have any; and everything in-between.

I second Charlize. I think that the whole goal is to find your inner and outter peace, with the latter being the more difficult.

God Bless

Natalya <3

[Guest ArianaD]

Jo,

I wanted to send you this privately, but the site did not allow it. I think your message box is full and needs some cleanup

I will go ahead and post this here as it is not too personal - feel free to message your response privately if you want...

Hey there!

Thank you for your responses on some of my posts. I wanted to ask you something based on your recent "HRT without transition" post.. I too have been considering this as a possible option for me. I intend to eventually fully transition, but socially and due to family interactions I do want to delay it for a "while". I am almost 3.5 months into HRT. I am doing estradiol injections and spironolactone. I am seeing significant breast swelling and some growth, enough that it will already be difficult to hide in the summer. I am wondering if you would mind sharing the medication path you took to be able to be on HRT for so long without a social transition. Do you just hide your girls? :-) Is the medication you are on causing a much more gradual process than injections? Thank you for any info you can share. Feel free to ramble.. I absorb other girls stories like a sponge ;-)

-Ariana

[Drea]

You have uncovered something I have commented on for years. Despite some trans people insisting that one should only go on hormones if they intended to transition, or claims that hormones force the issue, there are those who find sufficient relief from hormones and don't feel compelled to transition after finding that peace.

[Guest]

I think that social transition should be optional, and talked about more often. While it perhaps might not be an ideal scenario for all, there are a lot of people for whom the dysphoria is mainly physical and who are either afraid to or unable to socially change. If this option was on the table, and not in the "WPATH is only guidelines" way, but a serious, considered legitimate option, I think it could make the proposition of transition less daunting.

For what it's worth, I'm also an Hrt only person for the near future, though it's interesting that over the past few months I'm starting to wonder if my dysphoria isn't as limited to physicality as I've thought.

[Guest LizMarie]

Social transition always should be considered an option, just like anything else. Thus, if HRT is sufficient, then stop there. The goal is always alleviating and controlling your gender dysphoria. And what you do for you is your choice tailored to your needs.

I know someone who identifies as a transwoman publicly. Her IDs still all say male and have her male name. She retains this because the field in which she works would be extremely difficult for her to transition within. She has hinted at times that she might finally fully socially transition once she retires but hasn't committed to it. Outside of work, she presents either very androgynously or as female. This works for her, she is happy, and that is what matter in the end. She has had some minor FFS and is on HRT. Her FFS was very carefully chosen to "androgynize" her face and she seems to have succeeded at that so can slide back and forth between modes very easily. (Note: She also had full facial hair removal, which is a great help in "neutering" almost any face.)

If HRT without social transition works for you, Jo, then run with it! You can always change your mind later if you want.

[StephanieVikingGirl]

The info from your therapist on brain development does make sense. Lots of anxiety when one has too much of the wrong hormones, that explains much of my life. It also explains the calmness I felt as soon as I started HRT. In my case, I had too much social anxiety as well, so I transitioned, and now live as a woman full time. Whatever it takes to get rid of the nasty gender dysphoria is groovy, we are all different in our needs. Uhh, I do kinda wonder Jo, your avatar shows what I would consider a natal female, is that you? If so, how have you avoided social transition, you don't look like you could pass as male. My boyfriend passes visually as male (FTM), but you don't IMHO. Just wondering.

hugs,

Stephanie

[Guest]

I keep wondering about that Stephanie...

Jo it is a marvel that anyone still calls you sir...and I'm not saying that out of curtousy.

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

Jo,

I wanted to send you this privately, but the site did not allow it. I think your message box is full and needs some cleanup

I will go ahead and post this here as it is not too personal - feel free to message your response privately if you want...

Hey there!

Thank you for your responses on some of my posts. I wanted to ask you something based on your recent "HRT without transition" post.. I too have been considering this as a possible option for me. I intend to eventually fully transition, but socially and due to family interactions I do want to delay it for a "while". I am almost 3.5 months into HRT. I am doing estradiol injections and spironolactone. I am seeing significant breast swelling and some growth, enough that it will already be difficult to hide in the summer. I am wondering if you would mind sharing the medication path you took to be able to be on HRT for so long without a social transition. Do you just hide your girls? :-) Is the medication you are on causing a much more gradual process than injections? Thank you for any info you can share. Feel free to ramble.. I absorb other girls stories like a sponge ;-)

-Ariana

I thought I cleaned it up recently... I guess not. Sorry! You can PM me now if you wish, but I'm happy to respond here.

I'm not on any fancy treatment. My breasts just haven't grown that much. Consider yourself lucky.

I definitely don't go topless in public, and I'm a little self-conscious when I wear plain t-shirts, so I mostly wear sweatshirts and button-ups. When I go swimming I wear a unisex rash guard. The few times people have asked, I just say it's gynecomastia. That seems pretty easy for people to accept.

Some people insist MTFs can't pass as men while on HRT. If that's the case for some people, I envy them. In an ideal world, people would see me as female without me even trying, but that's just not the case. I'm just being myself, and that makes me male to most people.

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

Social transition always should be considered an option, just like anything else. Thus, if HRT is sufficient, then stop there. The goal is always alleviating and controlling your gender dysphoria. And what you do for you is your choice tailored to your needs.

I know someone who identifies as a transwoman publicly. Her IDs still all say male and have her male name. She retains this because the field in which she works would be extremely difficult for her to transition within. She has hinted at times that she might finally fully socially transition once she retires but hasn't committed to it. Outside of work, she presents either very androgynously or as female. This works for her, she is happy, and that is what matter in the end. She has had some minor FFS and is on HRT. Her FFS was very carefully chosen to "androgynize" her face and she seems to have succeeded at that so can slide back and forth between modes very easily. (Note: She also had full facial hair removal, which is a great help in "neutering" almost any face.)

If HRT without social transition works for you, Jo, then run with it! You can always change your mind later if you want.

Yeah, I'm interested in FFS as well. Being able to "slide back and forth between modes very easily" sounds awesome. I'm told I could easily pass as female if I just put in a little effort, but I want it to be effortless. And, similarly to the person you know, as much as HRT has feminized me, I'd say facial hair removal has done even more so. Almost clear now. Only takes my electrologist 20 min once a month to clear my face. Can't wait for that to be over.

And, yeah, having the time and freedom to come to these decisions organically is awesome!

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

The info from your therapist on brain development does make sense. Lots of anxiety when one has too much of the wrong hormones, that explains much of my life. It also explains the calmness I felt as soon as I started HRT. In my case, I had too much social anxiety as well, so I transitioned, and now live as a woman full time. Whatever it takes to get rid of the nasty gender dysphoria is groovy, we are all different in our needs. Uhh, I do kinda wonder Jo, your avatar shows what I would consider a natal female, is that you? If so, how have you avoided social transition, you don't look like you could pass as male. My boyfriend passes visually as male (FTM), but you don't IMHO. Just wondering.

hugs,

Stephanie

I keep wondering about that Stephanie...

Jo it is a marvel that anyone still calls you sir...and I'm not saying that out of curtousy.

Ha! Thanks everyone. I picked that avatar pic for a reason.

Unfortunately, that was a rarely good day. Something about my hair, the lighting, the expression on my face... that's not every day. Every so often I look in the mirror and think "whoa, who's the cute girl? Oh, that's me!" But it's rare. It's about as rare as me being called "miss" or "ma'am". Also, the people who call me that usually start calling me "sir" before the end of the interaction without any prompting. It's probably mostly my voice. But I'm also 6'1'', broad-chested, and not particularly curvy, so... you know.

More accurate pic of me on any ol' day (today). Yes, I know I'm a cutie, but come on, imagine a young man's voice coming out of that body and you're bound to pick male over female. In LGBT circles, though, sometimes people ask if I'm FTM, which not everyone would like but I certainly do.

[Guest]

Ahhh I see...I'd still lean towards female but with voice and all, and the fact you're around people that know you, makes sense.

I'm glad you're at peace with just HRT...but just fyi, considering your goal is to dress like a guy but get consistently clocked as a girl (I can totally sympathize) - I'd definitely look into FFS in the future. You probably wouldn't need very much to change the balance, and it's not exorbitantly expensive. Of course I'm one to talk...

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Okay, I looked at all your photos, including the one from today. I think that if you took off the very male looking plaid shirt, you would immediately male fail visually. You must be using a lot of male body language in order to not be seen as a woman in drag. Yeah, you look like a FTM who hasn't gotten on T yet. LOL. I wish my face looked as feminine as yours.

I do have a couple of advantages over you, I have long hair, and kinda good size boobs, way bigger than my boyfriend's LOL (he is FTM); my relatively light upper body bone structure, and small waist also helps my 5 foot 9 1/2 inch self to pass everyday. I wear skirts, and feminine tops most of the time though, and that kinda makes it obvious to onlookers which gender I am presenting. I don't have nearly as feminine a face as yours though, wow, so smooth, and pretty! On the other hand, with my hair and boobs, I pass even in a T shirt, and sweat pants. lol.

Pay attention to body language, mannerisms, and voice, and you can easily pass even in that awful plaid shirt, no problem. Even at 6' 1" visually I think everyone thinks woman at first sight of you, so if you do a tiny bit of work methinks that first impression will be the only impression.

hugs,

Stephanie

[Guest LizMarie]

Social transition always should be considered an option, just like anything else. Thus, if HRT is sufficient, then stop there. The goal is always alleviating and controlling your gender dysphoria. And what you do for you is your choice tailored to your needs.

I know someone who identifies as a transwoman publicly. Her IDs still all say male and have her male name. She retains this because the field in which she works would be extremely difficult for her to transition within. She has hinted at times that she might finally fully socially transition once she retires but hasn't committed to it. Outside of work, she presents either very androgynously or as female. This works for her, she is happy, and that is what matter in the end. She has had some minor FFS and is on HRT. Her FFS was very carefully chosen to "androgynize" her face and she seems to have succeeded at that so can slide back and forth between modes very easily. (Note: She also had full facial hair removal, which is a great help in "neutering" almost any face.)

If HRT without social transition works for you, Jo, then run with it! You can always change your mind later if you want.

Yeah, I'm interested in FFS as well. Being able to "slide back and forth between modes very easily" sounds awesome. I'm told I could easily pass as female if I just put in a little effort, but I want it to be effortless. And, similarly to the person you know, as much as HRT has feminized me, I'd say facial hair removal has done even more so. Almost clear now. Only takes my electrologist 20 min once a month to clear my face. Can't wait for that to be over.

And, yeah, having the time and freedom to come to these decisions organically is awesome!

You do what you want to do, Jo. Do what makes you happy. Don't be talked into more or less. And, remember, it is always ok to change your mind. People detransition back to their birth gender, or slide into genderqueer/gender neutral territory or decide to jump in whole hog later and transition all the way. Each of those things is perfectly fine. Do what you need to do, no more, no less. If you want FFS, do it. Choose your surgeon carefully, focus on specific features that are "too male", convey to the surgeon that you want to be androgynous and I'm sure they can help.

And yeah, facial hair removal is awesome. I still have a ways to go but the first 2-3 weeks after a clearing session, I have no or so little growth that all it takes is a very light coat of foundation, a conservative lipstick color and I'm set. Closer to the next session, I have to work a little harder, as hairs return, but each time it's been less and less returning.

Anyway, find your niche, wherever that is, and learn to be comfortable in your skin, not anyone else's. Good luck, Jo!

[Guest Edu]

I gotta agree with many of the replies here: your path is yours to decide. Transitioning shouldn't be decided based on whether you had HRT or not, but based on whether you want to transition or not.

I tend to question myself quite often, and wonder how far will I go before I reach the point where I say "this is good, I can stay here". I'm quite convinced I'll have to transition to get there, but I still can acknowledge the fact that HRT has already done for me far more than I ever thought possible (and I'm not even at 3 months yet). So, although I think HRT is "just a step" for me, I can easily see how it could be all that's needed for someone else.

Hugs,

Edu

[Guest Nina69]

Thanks for this post Jo.

I too am seriously considering HRT without transition! I hope it will make my brain work like it should. First of all i am about to go on anti androgens as I think testosterone is my worst enemy. If that doesn't work like I'm hoping it will, then its HRT for me. Who knows maybe once I start on oestrogen I may change my mind and want to fully transition but not being able to pass is a big fear, as I'm 6ft and very broad shouldered!

[Charlize]

Welcome to Laura's Nina. You may want to post an introduction in the forum by that name. I hope that if you are going to start HRT that you will do so with the help of a doctor. In the meantime enjoy your time here.

Hugs,

Charlize

Sorry i see you have already done so, Hugs

Edited February 22, 2015 by Charlize

[Guest saoirse]

a very interesting thread . thanks .

[Guest Lil]

The info from your therapist on brain development does make sense. Lots of anxiety when one has too much of the wrong hormones, that explains much of my life. It also explains the calmness I felt as soon as I started HRT. In my case, I had too much social anxiety as well, so I transitioned, and now live as a woman full time. Whatever it takes to get rid of the nasty gender dysphoria is groovy, we are all different in our needs. Uhh, I do kinda wonder Jo, your avatar shows what I would consider a natal female, is that you? If so, how have you avoided social transition, you don't look like you could pass as male. My boyfriend passes visually as male (FTM), but you don't IMHO. Just wondering.

hugs,

Stephanie

I keep wondering about that Stephanie...

Jo it is a marvel that anyone still calls you sir...and I'm not saying that out of curtousy.

Ha! Thanks everyone. I picked that avatar pic for a reason.

Unfortunately, that was a rarely good day. Something about my hair, the lighting, the expression on my face... that's not every day. Every so often I look in the mirror and think "whoa, who's the cute girl? Oh, that's me!" But it's rare. It's about as rare as me being called "miss" or "ma'am". Also, the people who call me that usually start calling me "sir" before the end of the interaction without any prompting. It's probably mostly my voice. But I'm also 6'1'', broad-chested, and not particularly curvy, so... you know.

More accurate pic of me on any ol' day (today). Yes, I know I'm a cutie, but come on, imagine a young man's voice coming out of that body and you're bound to pick male over female. In LGBT circles, though, sometimes people ask if I'm FTM, which not everyone would like but I certainly do.

I just might try this non-transition path for a while myself granted my boobs don't get much larger and can't be hidden.

Hopefully after my electrologist finishes my ear hair (I had lots of long hair on ears that was gross) I can get the beard done.

I figure if I can tolerate the pain on the ears the face will be a breeze.

[Guest Astrosmurf]

Awesome thread.

I'm thinking of this route too in a sense, at least in terms of being able to have things lined up well before maiking a social transition. The amount of things to do (voice, face, mannerisms, clothes, hair, make-up) can seem like a wall of obstacles to me some days, and I used to obssess about it all and feel a terrible impatience and frustration. But then forgetting about all that and enjoying the little things that relieve my dysphoria in the here and now is the new liberating mind-set I've arrived at. Starting hormones, enjoying the changes and not having to worry about immenent social transition or anyone else's expectations around that would be great. Hiding boobs is the only unknown there, can't predict how big they'll get or if the gynocomastia excuse would cover it.

PS I agree, you do look very feminine face alone wise

[Guest]

I'm also glad you posted this, it's something that has been on my mind as well

[Guest TinaGrey54]

I need so badly to go on HRT as Alexis Ungerer suggest on her site The Transition Channel when she talks about Harmon Therapy. I am waiting too to get my left knee revision replacement done in May on the 14th. However, the thought of not having to fully transition with SRS may be a relief in disguise if the harmones will stabilize me out. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated.

[Guest JaneShannon]

Jo,

Great topic. Thanks for posting. I am very interested in the non-transition transition... I have known for a long time that not all TS folks need/want SRS, but I have not considered it from the lens you have provided.

Thanks,

JaneShannon