Well, Here We Go Again!

[Sally]

I was on here quite a lot for a very long time, I sort of went away for a while but I missed the place too much to stay away.

It might just be that I needed Laura's for a lot more than just trans issues, the feeling of support that I had been lacking was all coming from here.

I had lost over 100 pounds but I have had a couple of surgeries and used them as excuses to abandon my diet, I have gained back 45 of them.

Somehow I feel like I can talk about that here without being judged or called a failure - that only reinforces my own feelings on the matter and causes me to go eat something to comfort me.

I just need a little help and understanding, so easy to give but so hard to find most places.

I'm going to be around here a lot more, it feels safer than anywhere else and I need that feeling.

Love ya,

Sally

[Drea]

Welcome back Sally.

I think having surgery, any significant surgery is more than just an "excuse". Most likely it interrupted activity patterns and if you had any sort of daily workout or walk it is really hard to get started again. Also your body needs energy to heal and so you need the extra calories.

With weight loss success promotes more success and unfortunately failure promotes more failure.

I suspect the big excuse may be because you let your eating habits slide there is a bit of well I already blew it so you have some more. Your weight is going in the wrong direction and you don't seem to be able to control it and therefore there is this what is the point.

All I can suggest is try and find some success. Maybe try something different. Get active and try a different approach to weight loss.

You may not like this idea but some little work with weight, low slow reps can help. If your activity level dropped from the surgery you may have lost some muscle mass and thus burn less calories. You aren't going to build lots of muscle, a little won't be visible and getting your muscle in tone will make you feel better about yourself while at the same time burning some extra calories. A win-win.

In a way it would be easier if one could just go cold turkey. At least this is how it seems to me. Fighting weight down after having lost it once and regained it is in my opinion much harder than having lost it the first time.

Good luck.

[JJ]

So happy to see you back Sally. And the thing to remember is that you have kept off 55 lbs. It is a long hard battle keeping weight off -harder than losing it I think because it is not as exciting as losing with all the pride and re-enforcement that go with it. Not to mention old habits surfacing and trying to put us back where we were.

But you are in a better place than where you started - now you just have to start again. I know that sounds simple and really isn't- I've fought that battle time and again and know a lot of ways to lose it and few that work for keeping it off. The only one that has worked for me is realizing that I will have to change the way I eat for life with no excuses. I can change my eating day around to accommodate special occasions but can't give in to excuses. I did gain about 7 lbs over Christmas and have fought it back off because I started slipping back into that whole making excuses that I'd do it right tomorrow instead or one day wont matter, whatever. Each of us is different and what works for one may not work for someone else but that is the bottom line for me-Do it right today and no excuses

But while I know it felt great to lose that weight the real beauty in you is still your sweet heart. Whatever size you are you are accepted and loved here. Where we have missed you very much. When someone comes back after a long absence you are always one of the first people that they ask about. Always remembered. That is what defines you and not your size. You can and will lose the weight again -and I do know how much difference that can make-but still what counts is where you are most beautiful and have a rare gift-inside.

Love ya

Johnny

[Guest Deanna]

So happy you are back! I don't think anyone should judge you! When I first found Laura's you posts inspired be to overcome my (many issues). I left for a while also but came back.

hugs,

Deanna

[Guest]

Good to see you back Posting again, Sally.

Sometimes some of us need to take a sabbatical to "re-charge" ourselves.

As others have mentioned. You are 55lbs lighter than before!

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest April63]

Welcome back, Sally!

Don't get too down on yourself. You've accomplished great things!

April

[Carolyn Marie]

It's nice to have you back here, Sally, whatever the reason may be. I know it isn't your preferred reason, but you know you're always welcome at LP.

I think the folks that replied before me know more about this than I do, and I think their advice is sound. Motivation can be so hard to come by. I have a hard time motivating myself to exercise, and don't manage half of what I intended to do. So if we can provide some of that motivation, then we will be doing good.

Real life issues can sometimes be tough to deal with, often much tougher than dealing with things online. We all live in the real world, and so can't escape it, but it can be a real comfort to come here and commiserate with folks who know you and know your issues and can empathize. The hugs may be virtual, but they still have meaning and warmth and a certain reality all their own. So any time you need a virtual hug, just say so and we'll be there to provide one. Actually, you don't even need to ask. You'll get hugs anyway.

You have made huge strides in so many ways over the last couple of years, Sally. You'll be back to those good feelings sooner than you think.

(((HUGS)))

Carolyn Marie

[tracy_j]

Hi Sally

I don't really know you but I do know of you and would just like to say I am here to be a friend.

I must admit Laura's means far more to me than just trans issues as well as I am fairly comfortable with that but it is the feeling of lonliness and not having anyone to talk to which is important.

This may not be a chat site but just to be confident in an atmosphere of friends makes things better

Take care

Love

Tracy x

[Guest LizMarie]

Welcome back, Sally. You did it once, so you can do it again. I have faith in you.

[Guest]

Hey Sally, don't really have much advice, but just know you're not alone in this particular struggle. I lost 100 lbs a few years ago and gained almost all of it back a couple years later. I know just how devestating that can be to ones sense of self and just frankly how much it hurts.

It is important to remember to be kind to yourself, beating yourself up about it just makes it worse and will encourage you to give up.

There is most likely a reason that you gained the weight back, or find yourself eating stuff you wish you weren't. what you eat is honestly just as important as how much, and I've found that out the hard way. Eating too few calories will actually not only slow down your metabolism but will also cause you're brain to want large quantities of calorie dense foods. I know it's completely counterintuitive to eat more to lose weight, but that's the way it works. Not sure what your specific issue is but that's one that trips a lot of people up, including myself. Those cravings are biochemical - you literally can't resist them in the long run, you have to preempt them instead.

And also with diet and exercise, there's often (definitely with me) and bunch of underlying. Emotional things that can cause you to be really resistant - even if you don't conciously feel it.

Hope that helps, I'm right there in the struggle with you.

[Guest saoirse]

hi sally . i imagine that surgeries would have made it hard to be as active physically as you were before them so maybe you should factor that in and perhaps not be so hard on yourself . i am struggling trying to maintain weight , i just cannot seem to get to 10 stone and stay there . i am 6 ft 2 in so i look unhealthily thin but its been worse . i was less that 8.5 stone last year .

you had the strength to shed the weight before so i am sure you can do it again .

(((HUGS)))

Tara

[Sally]

I've been doing a little rummaging around in my brain trying to figure out why I'm having so much trouble trying to shed the pounds this time.

I finally figured out the basic problems - no it isn't just that I love food, that would make it three basic problems and there are really only two.

One is the obvious attempt to fill the gaping chasm within, the one that love is supposed to fill.

The other is a bigger issue, I've dealt with all of my life - I tend to be rather stubborn and rebellious. To the point that when someone tells me that I need to lose weight or suggests a diet program to me it sends me directly to the nearest all you can eat buffet.

I know that food is not a cure for loneliness but eating is at least a sensation rather than a void.

Intellectually losing weight is a snap - I can see it on paper but these two main counterproductive thoughts over-ride any common sense or reason.

Love ya.,

Sally

[Guest]

I've been doing a little rummaging around in my brain trying to figure out why I'm having so much trouble trying to shed the pounds this time.

I finally figured out the basic problems - no it isn't just that I love food, that would make it three basic problems and there are really only two.

One is the obvious attempt to fill the gaping chasm within, the one that love is supposed to fill.

The other is a bigger issue, I've dealt with all of my life - I tend to be rather stubborn and rebellious. To the point that when someone tells me that I need to lose weight or suggests a diet program to me it sends me directly to the nearest all you can eat buffet.

I know that food is not a cure for loneliness but eating is at least a sensation rather than a void.

Intellectually losing weight is a snap - I can see it on paper but these two main counterproductive thoughts over-ride any common sense or reason.

Love ya.,

Sally

I hear ya. It really takes a lot of self love to be able to be willing to properly care about your health.

[JJ]

Sally I have found that using the word "diet" actually makes me eat more. I share your rebelliousness and the idea that I have to do something sets me up for failure right away. I literally eliminated the word from my vocabulary in relation to myself. I see it as something I want to do and a way of eating for the rest of my life. I found the things and patterns I enjoy and can live with. It isn't a diet I was on to lose the weight and it's not a diet now. Just the way I have to live if I want to live the way I want.

Sure I sometimes want to fall back into old patterns and sometimes I slip. Scolding myself makes it worse every time. So I ask myself instead "Is this what you really want to do?". If the answer is yes then I eat-if "No" then I stop. Not as simple as that sounds of course but it has worked pretty well for me.

One thing even beyond that learned pattern and deeply ingrained habit of trying to fill the emotional void in our lives is that all the fat cells we had are still there - just empty-and they keep wanting filled. Not real hunger but sometimes a powerful drive even so.

Don't know if any of this helps. Just what has worked for me. I've fought weight for a long time. Losing was the easy part. But this time I think I won the battle -I have maintained my weight with small fluctuations for 33 months now. Always before it came back within a year - with interest.

Weight doesn't define you or make you less of a person. I can't maintain my weight to look a certain way or to make others interested in me. For me it's about being healthy and being able to be myself. As long as it isn't a health risk I don't think size should be important to how we feel about ourselves or to those who really love us.

As long as you keep trying you'll find the key whether it is anything related to what works for me or something entirely different that works better for you. I've noticed for all the challenges you have faced you keep on trying. I do admire a gallant heart

Love ya

Johnny

[gennee]

Hey Sally! It's great that you're back. You were really missed.