In Need Of Help

[Guest ConfusionAtItsBest]

Okay here's my situation. I have always had these thoughts that I was somehow born into the wrong body, from the time I was a little child I have always acted as if I was a girl, I used to steal my sisters barbie dolls lol. I was raised in a christian home, no pre-marital sex, no drugs, no violence, no alcohol, etc. etc. My parents have always said that gay, lesbian, bi, and trans people have something wrong in the old noodle, but I have always disagreed (I'm more liberal, hell I had a drug problem when I was 15 - 16, I'm clean now though), I believe that if you are attracted to the same sex then you can't help that. Anyway, I am secretly bisexual, my sister is the only one that knows, she's very supportive of my decisions. I've been thinking very hard and researching about SRS and I know the risks and the pros and the cons, but I'm worried, what if it IS against my religion and I go to hell? What if my parents never accept me, and they disown me? I love my parents with all my heart, and it would crush me if they didn't love me anymore. I'm just worried that if I go through with it that everything will go wrong, and nobody would want to be around me anymore, and my friends wouldn't treat me the same. Does everyone go through these thoughts? If so, then how do you deal with this kind of pressure?

[Sally]

Your story is very common and just so you get the full greeting treatment and get to meet everyone, I'm moving your topic to the Introductions forum so everybody can drop by.

Your story is not exclusive to MTFs but very much the same concerns for the FTMs here and the Androgynous.

Come on in and sit here by the fire, I'll get you some Hot Cocoa and some fresh baked cookies.

Now as to the very religious family, mine is too - they may not accept you at first, but if they really love you they will accept in time.

As to whether we will all burn in hell or not - I can only believe that this will not happen, my image of God and his Son, Jesus is a great deal more forgiving, but I won't know until I die and then I guess everyone can shout, "I told you so!"

I tend to use humor in the face of serious subjects, I do not believe that we were put here with a means to end this inner conflict and be expected not to use it.

The friends you lose will not have been your true friends - I like to say they loved the role not the actor.

This is not an easy journey and therefore seeking professional help is a must.

Your first helper on this journey should be a therapist who specializes in Gender Identity Issues - they will be your guide and help you to find your comfort zone, they will also be able to help you to start on hormones and eventual to recommend you for SRS if that is where your path takes you.

For now sit back and wait for others to come by or wonder around the forums and look everywhere, if anyone comes by while you are gone they will leave you a note.

Welcome and don't be afraid to ask questions and give your opinions, we are all here to support each other and never judge.

The food and fire are virtual, the warmth and caring are real.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

I'm coming from the other side (FTM). You are definitely not alone in your thinking. If you read some of the posts around here, I think you'll find that a lot of people have asked those same questions.

I never really came to a definitive answer about the religion question. I'm not really religious any more, not that I ever was. I just grew up in a religious home. According to my family, SRS is probably not "okay". They used to tell me the same stuff about GLBT folks that your parents has said. However, I think that there is no way to say for certain that SRS isn't the answer to what I prayed for nearly every night during my childhood. The thing is that there is probably no one on earth that can give you a real answer to your religion question. You have to make the decisions that seem best to you and go with it.

Anyways... You are among friends! Welcome!

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Well yes we know what you mean. I suspect just about EVERYONE here knows what you mean. We definately hear you, that's the first thing you need to know!

So you write:

Does everyone go through these thoughts? If so, then how do you deal with this kind of pressure?

We muddle through. I use that word a lot! I believe it is probably a good word, describes how we just make it work. We have no choice. We are born this way and we deal with it.

I am 61 - so I have a little bit of life experience doing this. I didn't get a clear idea of why I am so different untill just recently, then the light bulb went off in my head! I was in theraphy - 30 minutes first session - my therapist said you are probabaly transsexual! FLASH!

And she told me the options...

Well that's not what you ask, you say "how do you deal with this kind of pressure?" Firstly, most of what you fear is never going to happen. Someone told me and I really believe, that 90% of what we worry about never happens. Certainly what we expect always seems to come out slightly different somehow. So that said...

Item by item (combined with the GREAT advice of my very wise friend Sally):

I have always had these thoughts that I was somehow born into the wrong body, from the time I was a little child I have always acted as if I was a girl. [Me too - started age 4] Nothing wrong with you - you and I were born this way - everyone here at Laura's probably was born that way. It's not our fault - its not your fault.

I was raised in a christian home, no pre-marital sex, no drugs, no violence, no alcohol, etc. etc. My parents have always said that gay, lesbian, bi, and trans people have something wrong in the old noodle [me too - my dad was especially homophobic.] It's the old way and the world is changing. Christian morals are an EXCELLANT way to think and live by. But we must follow the teachings of Jesus where He says to love one another. The church is NOT God.

I believe that if you are attracted to the same sex then you can't help that. With transsexuallity, the rules do not apply the same as they do to the non-gender dysphoric community. Please don't worry about labels, you are what you are.

Ive been thinking very hard and researching about SRS . Its a mind -body thing. You need to bring in the idea that you ARE a female soul and HAVE a female mindset. The body is a problem, but SRS is an option, not a solution. You MUST first understand that and accept yourself. You will suddenly realize your femaleness is mainly within you, not how you appear. SRS will not seem so powerful an idea after that.

I know the risks and the pros and the cons, but I'm worried, what if it IS against my religion and I go to hell? [HA! I think I will go to hell if I DONT transition, because all my life I have been so cruel and mean because I was so unhappy!] So think this through, if you are Buddist and transition it's OKAY? I mean you can't go to hell for being yourself, or the whole point of existance is screwball.

What if my parents never accept me, and they disown me? Its a difficult thing to answer that question as I am older. I will tell you as a parent of three, I know I cannot disown my children, its impossible. If you work with your parents for understanding you can bank on the fact that parents love their children. Yet, they may go into denial, they may be very harsh, they may SEEM like they reject you. It's a long road sometimes.

I love my parents with all my heart, and it would crush me if they didn't love me anymore. I'm just worried that if I go through with it that everything will go wrong, and nobody would want to be around me anymore, and my friends wouldn't treat me the same.

Yes - being gender dysphoric is extremely hard. All I can say is you didn't wish for it and yet you are that way. To deny it will make you very unhappy and you will possibly destroy yourself if not in body, then in spirit. You will have to become very strong and survive.

BUT you are dual natured like us... it's really a rare gift.

We at Laura's are here to help - let us know any questions you may have.

So

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

Lizzy

[Guest ConfusionAtItsBest]

Thank you, your answers really helped me a lot. I guess I'm just trying to plot my next move now, trying to figure out what I should do next. I don't know how I'm going to be able to go to a therapist, I live in a very small town, maybe 40,000 people within a 60 mile radius, and I don't think any of them are therapists, I just recently graduated high school so a counselor is out of the question lol, but I guess I could see if the college I'm gonna go to has a counselor. I don't really know how I'm going to go about all of this, but I guess everything will fall into place right? lol. Anyway, thank you for your time. Any other advice you can offer will be much appreciated as well.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Thank you, your answers really helped me a lot. I guess I'm just trying to plot my next move now, trying to figure out what I should do next. I don't know how I'm going to be able to go to a therapist, I live in a very small town, maybe 40,000 people within a 60 mile radius, and I don't think any of them are therapists, I just recently graduated high school so a counselor is out of the question lol, but I guess I could see if the college I'm gonna go to has a counselor. I don't really know how I'm going to go about all of this, but I guess everything will fall into place right? lol. Anyway, thank you for your time. Any other advice you can offer will be much appreciated as well.

My middle daughter is a therapist at a medium sized college. She says they are OBLIGATED to find you help on transgender issues if you seem self distructive. Just a hint. My older daughter is a therapist and works for the parish family services (no counties in Louisiana) some family councelors are gender dysphoria trained, and people forget about family services as a resource.

Hope this helps

Lizzy

[Guest mia 1]

Follow the advice given by our sisters and let's face it we are blazing new paths in wester society and we need all the help we can get...professional and advice from us lay people that are on this journey with you.......Mia

[Guest Frank67]

Lizzy is so right.

I am 41 and my whole family is roman catholic (stupid religion, brrrr - sorry if I hurt someone, it is only my opinion) and some weeks ago I told them I am bi. Why I did it - hm, I have no clue. Do I go to hell for that - I do not think so cuz it is not my fault being this way. It is not a decisions I made nor is there a switch to turn it off. My mother told my I should stop it, but how shall I do this.

I really think no one is going to hell for what he/she is, may it be gay, bi transgender or whatever

I also love my parents, but we where never really close, but I was afraid to lose them, too. But now I think they just need more time to get used to it. Parents are a strange thing, they want the best for their children, but sometimes theirs reactions are too extreme. I believe the most parents calm down when time goes by. Maybe you will be surprise how your parents react if you tell them one day cuz you wrote you have always acted as a girl.

After I told my parents I came out to the rest of my family (brother and cousins) and friends and I was really surprised. No one disown me - ok when I am out with my friends I have to stay in front of them if we are going to the movies or so . No - I am just kidding.

Frank

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Confusion,

We have all gone through the same anxieties and angst!! When I was your age, I simply wimped out and never came out to my parents. I waited until I was on my own before I started to show my true gender. Even after that, I convinced myself that my birth gender was my real gender and did all of the things that males should do (marriage, career, house, picket fence, station wagons etc). So, when I was 18, I was shaving my legs and wearing dresses. By the time I was 23, I was married and raising a family and acting like a total man (what a change!). Now I am 48 and shaving my legs, wearing perfume and wearing dresses again!! You cannot deny who you are!!. Even if you try to deny it, ultimately the real you wins!!!

Welcome my dear, you are with real friends!! Don't worry, there is nothing wrong with you!! You are not going to hell. Hell is not being who you truely are!! From my perspective, it is not relevant to come out to your parents at your age. It is better to establish yourself first as an adult, and then come out to your parents when there is nothing they can really do about it. Coming out requires power. Being independant gives you that power.

Anyway, I hope that all is well with you. Be yourself, coming out takes care of itself! You don't really have to think about it.

LOL

bernie

[Guest Jackson]

Welcome!

My family too is religious (Roman Catholic). I know that God made me this way for a reason. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Or so the Blues Brothers told me.

[Sally]

Welcome!

My family too is religious (Roman Catholic). I know that God made me this way for a reason. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Or so the Blues Brothers told me.

"JakeJackson, you need some churchin' up, go see Reverend Cleophus at the Church on the Rock!"

"Don't be lost when the time comes!"

"Do you see the light?"

Just for you Jackson,

Sally

A little off subject but it puts a little lighter spin on religion and it's just fun - it is OK to laugh every now and then.

[Guest Jackson]

Thanks, Sally!

Not only have I seen the light, but I had to put in the movie and watch it on the big screen.