Two heads are better than one

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I wanted to write a little something something about the importance of second opinions when it comes to figuring out life on the other team. This comes from personal experience as well because a few times I've relied on one person's opinion about life as a woman only to find out they were incorrect. Had I sought a second opinion from a few other friends, I would have been able to dismiss the original answer I received much sooner.

Let me also preface this by saying having several girl friends is really helpful in transition. Not only do you have multiple sources to ask questions, but you're more likely going to receive different answers to the same question and can therefore decide which avenue you'll go. Early on in my transition, whenever I took a pic where I thought I did a decent job with makeup, I'd send it to several of my lady friends to get their thoughts and feedback. My responses included positive affirmations and suggestions, such as "Overall, you did a really good job but you didn't blend very well on your left side down by your jaw line" or "Pretty! But I don't think that lipstick looks right on you, I'd try something (lighter/darker) for (day time/night time)". Just a simple "you look great!" wasn't satisfactory to me. While it was nice and made me feel good, it was only partially helpful, so I'd ask them if they saw anything that maybe I missed or could use work on. After a while, once I learned the makeup basics and got my routine down pretty well did a simple "you look great!" response be okay, because it meant I was doing everything right and there were no obvious mistakes to correct, but again, that was months later after making necessary adjustments and corrections.

Same thing when it came to clothing or style. Getting a variety of opinions helped me figure out what needed changing. If my friends were genuinely impressed but a few pointed out the same thing, then of course that would be something I'd look at. If one person had only pointed it out, I would just casually entertain the suggestion, but if a few friends pointed the same thing out (most of whom don't know each other personally), then it's obviously something I really want to look at.

When I'd meet a friend in person, at one point in the conversation, or afterwards, I'd ask them "so, how do I look?" and I'd take that feedback and use it to maybe change a few things or make slight alterations. My friends knew that I wasn't taking this personally, I just wanted to get better because I had a lot of catching up to do. After a while, I simply stopped asking because the feedback eventually became "you look great! I don't see anything that needs fixing" so I knew I was doing everything right. Even when I met with Sally a few weeks ago, she hadn't seen me in years (actually the last time she saw me was before I went full time), so with that much time between visits, I had to ask "so, what do you think?" She saw me before, and now she's seeing me after.

Such is the case with little nuances of every day life. I remember an ex told me when I first started out, "women don't compliment each other on their nail color." So since she was my girlfriend at the time, I figured she was 100% correct. It wasn't until a few years later when I was full-time and getting my nails done regularly that I found out, no, actually some women do compliment each other on their nail color. I get complimented on mine weekly and eventually I started complimenting other women if I thought their polish was pretty or cute. Who doesn't like a compliment?

I had another friend who told me "girls don't quote movies", and since she was a good friend, I thought she was 100% correct. It wasn't until later, when talking with online friends that I found out that's not entirely accurate. We may not do it as much as guys, but some do and it's totally okay.

So just keep that in mind as you're going through your RLT, or as you're getting ready for yours, or heck while you're in the midst of yours! It's important to get opinions from a variety of your friends and not to just rely on one friend to be the sole source of information.

[Cyndee]

Diversity is a good thing Girl friends are priceless

C -

[Guest Kayla Grace]

I've always done this, Lizzie. Always looked for opinions where none of the members knew each other. Granted, the members here talk, but you can see where I'm going with this.

I like that you posted this. It gives the girls gearing up for fulltime some ideas on how to get multiple opinions.

God Bless

Kayla <3

[VickySGV]

A counter point to this is that it is normal and even a good thing to try enough that you make mistakes, and that it is OK to be less than perfect every time as you start out. Lizzy is a true Poster Girl for progress and having fun.

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Yep, thanks for posting this Lizzie,

I always try to get feedback, on make up, clothes, hair. I stop by work sometimes when I am off, both to socialize, and also to get some feedback from my girl friends at the bike shop on my overall look. I can't trust just Jennifer (she has a different style to me), or Alex (he is too biased). I was off yesterday, but I took Jennifer for complementary tastings at two wineries. Patricia at Rutherford Ranch Winery said that we looked lovely yesterday, she knows me well, and so I think if something about either of us looked pretty bad, she would tell me. Not much feedback at the second winery since we were served by Ricardo, and Art at Cliff Lede Winery, and of course they're guys. Yep, a continuing journey, to seek out good advice, and boldly implement them.

Things will get better for me after I move in with Alex. I will soon be able to budget some actual money for clothes (which I desperately need), shoes (ditto), hair care stuff (extremely important), make-up, perfume, ... etc. I do already have plenty of fashion ideas, I just need to find out from girly feedback if they work for me or not. Multiple sources, good idea.

hugs,

Stephanie

[tracy_j]

I find that, although I can live with most people around me, many are not complementary to my feminine style so it really gives me a boost when I am complemented on my makeup or looks. Mostly I have to do things alone and trust to my judgement. It does make me feel good when I realise that things are coming together.

Tracy