Feel so alone in the changes to come...

[Guest CD Laura Savatore34]

I confronted my wife about my cross-dressing. And she was very brutal in assuring she wouldn't tolerate it and would not accept it. The "D" word was in the room, yes, the Divorce topic was very evident. Things have cooled down, we have not talked about our conversation, and left off with a decision to be made.

Things are different. She is abusive in her words, uncaring in the tone of voice. And she does not ask, but demands when things need to be done.

The word "Resent" echoes everyday, she said she resents me.

Trust is shattered.

My desire to dress and be who I want to be will not be silenced.

I feel so alone, because my children have been by standers in her anger...

What happened to the opened minded person she used to be.

Is it selfish to crave Divorce; to live with MY children, and return a thing called Love, that is none exsistant in my house.

Those who have had to lose, to gain love and happiness, help me understand if Selfish describes the pain I feel?

[Guest Faith gibson]

I'm so sorry for your struggles. It's so hard for others to understand. I really can't offer lots of advise. You should maybe try to look at things from your spouses point of view though and see if there is a way to give her some time to absorb all you have told her.

I wish you the best.

Faith

[Guest Mickey]

I can't imagine feeling alone when there are other people around. I feel lonely most of the time but I AM alone. I have 5 cats here with me and that's it. My friends rarely come to visit. One hasn't been to see me in 6+ months, and he's the 1 friend that I was closest to. He can't handle that I am becoming a woman so those 15 years when I said he was like a brother from another mother, were just wasted. He was not the true friend that I thought. What family I do have that is half way local, I see once a year. My parents live in another state. I crave human contact because I get so little of it.

But you feel alone with your family around you. I can not even imagine how terrible that feels. I am so sorry and I will keep you in my prayers.

[VickySGV]

I have had to face the question as to whether I have been selfish in what I needed to do and have done and have found out that I was not selfish for many reasons. My male image was forced on me by other people's selfishness when they could see it did not fit and did not work to make me the person they wanted. I had gradually let it wear me down to where I was a hollow imitation of some kind of person, but not me. Today, they have a "me" who in many ways is exactly the same as before and will not change, but they now see the better things about me. The things they let go of have let me be more caring and open to feeling.

With a Gender Therapist, determine what parts of you you need for daily life and health, then look at your CDing (or further) that you can trace to rebellion and resentment AGAINST others. (I had tons.) If you can work through the resentment and anger and your needs to femme yourself are intact, or even clearer in your mind, then you have eliminated the selfishness, and it will show their selfishness for what it is. Your marriage at the minute is not healthy for either of you, and as you know, does need help. I do know people's marriages which have been teetering on the brink have come back. and the ones I know are ones where the partners have actually created a new marriage. They are few and far between, but they are there.

[Charlize]

You are not being selfish but instead trying to be honest about who you are. I also wrestled with the feeling of a feeling that i should never have hurt others but in my case things have smoothed out over time. Your wife may never be able to let go of he idea of what you are supposed to be. That happens and she may try to make you feel shame and selfishness. Try to go to a therapist as Vicky suggested. With any luck your wife will welcome the idea as mine did. Once i was in therapy i found that it not only helped me but in the end helped my wife to feel comfortable accepting me. We have managed to continue and at this point i feel we are closer than ever. Is she happy about me? It isn't what she wanted or signed up for but we are making a real go of it and love still holds us together. Best of luck but that luck may require some help in therapy and maybe for both of you.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest CD Laura Savatore34]

Thank you ladies, I tend to forget time does help. Time does open the eyes of those who keep them closed or removes blinders to those that only look in one direction. I do guess I'm being a little selfish to ask for instant resolution when all these beautiful ladies here, have struggled and crawled to get to where they are.

[Charlize]

Please do not feel at all badly about sharing your difficulties here. I did as have so many of our brothers and sisters here. Sharing our journey makes it easier not only for ourselves but for others who share similar paths. I probably could not have found any peace without complaining about aspects of my journey and receiving the support of those who were here before me.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Mickey]

I am so sorry Laura. I certainly did not intend to make you feel as if you were being selfish. I just wanted to let you know that I also, know what lonelyness feels like. And I am so sorry that you feel so lonely when your family is right there with you. Just know that you are not alone, in this struggle. There are many of us that struggle also. We are all in the same boat, so to speak. When your body don't match up with who you are, it is a struggle, at the minimum, and a fight for some, just to become who you see yourself as.

So please, feel free to vent, complain, whine and moan, if you want to. I know I can vent, complain, whine and moan with the best of 'em.