Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Feel so alone in the changes to come...


Guest CD Laura Savatore34

Recommended Posts

Guest CD Laura Savatore34

I confronted my wife about my cross-dressing. And she was very brutal in assuring she wouldn't tolerate it and would not accept it. The "D" word was in the room, yes, the Divorce topic was very evident. Things have cooled down, we have not talked about our conversation, and left off with a decision to be made.

Things are different. She is abusive in her words, uncaring in the tone of voice. And she does not ask, but demands when things need to be done.

The word "Resent" echoes everyday, she said she resents me.

Trust is shattered.

My desire to dress and be who I want to be will not be silenced.

I feel so alone, because my children have been by standers in her anger...

What happened to the opened minded person she used to be.

Is it selfish to crave Divorce; to live with MY children, and return a thing called Love, that is none exsistant in my house.

Those who have had to lose, to gain love and happiness, help me understand if Selfish describes the pain I feel?

Link to comment
Guest Faith gibson

I'm so sorry for your struggles. It's so hard for others to understand. I really can't offer lots of advise. You should maybe try to look at things from your spouses point of view though and see if there is a way to give her some time to absorb all you have told her.

I wish you the best.

Faith

Link to comment

I can't imagine feeling alone when there are other people around. I feel lonely most of the time but I AM alone. I have 5 cats here with me and that's it. My friends rarely come to visit. One hasn't been to see me in 6+ months, and he's the 1 friend that I was closest to. He can't handle that I am becoming a woman so those 15 years when I said he was like a brother from another mother, were just wasted. He was not the true friend that I thought. What family I do have that is half way local, I see once a year. My parents live in another state. I crave human contact because I get so little of it.

But you feel alone with your family around you. I can not even imagine how terrible that feels. I am so sorry and I will keep you in my prayers.

Link to comment
  • Admin

I have had to face the question as to whether I have been selfish in what I needed to do and have done and have found out that I was not selfish for many reasons. My male image was forced on me by other people's selfishness when they could see it did not fit and did not work to make me the person they wanted. I had gradually let it wear me down to where I was a hollow imitation of some kind of person, but not me. Today, they have a "me" who in many ways is exactly the same as before and will not change, but they now see the better things about me. The things they let go of have let me be more caring and open to feeling.

With a Gender Therapist, determine what parts of you you need for daily life and health, then look at your CDing (or further) that you can trace to rebellion and resentment AGAINST others. (I had tons.) If you can work through the resentment and anger and your needs to femme yourself are intact, or even clearer in your mind, then you have eliminated the selfishness, and it will show their selfishness for what it is. Your marriage at the minute is not healthy for either of you, and as you know, does need help. I do know people's marriages which have been teetering on the brink have come back. and the ones I know are ones where the partners have actually created a new marriage. They are few and far between, but they are there.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

You are not being selfish but instead trying to be honest about who you are. I also wrestled with the feeling of a feeling that i should never have hurt others but in my case things have smoothed out over time. Your wife may never be able to let go of he idea of what you are supposed to be. That happens and she may try to make you feel shame and selfishness. Try to go to a therapist as Vicky suggested. With any luck your wife will welcome the idea as mine did. Once i was in therapy i found that it not only helped me but in the end helped my wife to feel comfortable accepting me. We have managed to continue and at this point i feel we are closer than ever. Is she happy about me? It isn't what she wanted or signed up for but we are making a real go of it and love still holds us together. Best of luck but that luck may require some help in therapy and maybe for both of you.

Hugs,

Charlize

Link to comment
Guest CD Laura Savatore34

Thank you ladies, I tend to forget time does help. Time does open the eyes of those who keep them closed or removes blinders to those that only look in one direction. I do guess I'm being a little selfish to ask for instant resolution when all these beautiful ladies here, have struggled and crawled to get to where they are.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Please do not feel at all badly about sharing your difficulties here. I did as have so many of our brothers and sisters here. Sharing our journey makes it easier not only for ourselves but for others who share similar paths. I probably could not have found any peace without complaining about aspects of my journey and receiving the support of those who were here before me.

Hugs,

Charlize

Link to comment

I am so sorry Laura. I certainly did not intend to make you feel as if you were being selfish. I just wanted to let you know that I also, know what lonelyness feels like. And I am so sorry that you feel so lonely when your family is right there with you. Just know that you are not alone, in this struggle. There are many of us that struggle also. We are all in the same boat, so to speak. When your body don't match up with who you are, it is a struggle, at the minimum, and a fight for some, just to become who you see yourself as.

So please, feel free to vent, complain, whine and moan, if you want to. I know I can vent, complain, whine and moan with the best of 'em.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 254 Guests (See full list)

    • Willow
    • Ivy
    • Ladypcnj
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Jamey-Heather
    • VickySGV
    • Carolyn Marie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770.1k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,092
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Selena729
    Newest Member
    Selena729
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Angelo christoper
      Angelo christoper
      (38 years old)
    2. Joslynn
      Joslynn
      (61 years old)
    3. Kaltia_Atlas
      Kaltia_Atlas
    4. Rika_Lil
      Rika_Lil
      (40 years old)
    5. Summerluv
      Summerluv
      (19 years old)
  • Posts

    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, my friends are out publicly. Openly transgender, and on HRT.  I agree that the survival of all of us is at stake.  But I think there are threats greater and more dangerous than those faced exclusively by LGBTQ folks.   Rising prices. Unaffordable food.  EPA strangling transportation and energy.  Needless foreign wars that put us at risk of literal nuclear annihilation.  A government that wants to tax us, track us, and control every aspect of our lives...including using us as guinea pigs for their medical experiments.     Trump is no savior.  Neither is the Republican party.  But I believe that a vote for Democrats in the federal government is for sure a vote for globalism and what follows it.  War, famine, plague, slavery, and death don't care if we're trans or cis.  
    • Ladypcnj
      There is light at the end of the tunnel, just believe. 
    • Ashley0616
      Y’all are pretty ladies
    • Ashley0616
    • Ivy
      People who are out publicly, and openly transgender, maybe on HRT, having changed names and gender, have a lot to lose if anti-trans politicians take power.  They have openly called for our eradication, and promise to do everything they can to accomplish this.  (again, 2025) For someone in this position the election is about our survival.  It's foolish to delude ourselves into thinking "Oh, they don't really mean that.  It's all for show," or, "There's other more important things to concern ourselves with." Maybe for some people the other things take priority.  But if you have skin in the game, things look different.  
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      If that happens, a lot of things I don't want to see might also be codified into law.  And some things that shouldn't be law might not get repealed.  To me, progress in one area isn't worth the price we'd have to pay in several other areas.     For me, voting on LGBTQ issues always ends up as an "out of the frying pan, but into the fire" sort of event.  
    • Ivy
      Trying out a new wig. Got my reading glasses on. I've also got dark roots now - first time in years.
    • Vidanjali
      Thea, your post made me think of a comic named Chloe Petts whom I saw recently on Hannah Gadsby's Gender Agenda comedy special on Netflix. She is a cisgender masculine lesbian. She is brilliant and so funny. I was intrigued by her identification - specifically masculine, not butch. And it seems to me there is a difference. 
    • Vidanjali
      Today I had a dr appt. When I checked in, I was asked my surname, which I gave. Apparently there were two patients with appointments at that time with that same surname. The receptionist asked, "Are you (my legal name which is feminine) or Paul?" I got such a kick out of it not being assumed I had the feminine name. 
    • Vidanjali
      That must have felt affirming, albeit perhaps weirdly so. However, I'd construe that more broadly (no pun intended) as sexism rather than misogyny where the latter would imply contempt. Also, incidentally, I've heard chivalry referred to as "benevolent sexism". 
    • MaeBe
      My boss is in a panic. His business is a couple straws away from breaking a camel in half. He's just handling the stress very poorly.   My dad, though. He's handling things pretty well, as long as I continue to don't get massively offended by being called: son, boy, etc. His eldest is leaving the State and looks so different than he's been used to over the years. I haven't told him I'm on HRT, but to be fair the changes haven't been massive. I've always had boobs, more so after COVID weight gain and made more obvious with its loss, but now I'm not hiding them--and obviously wearing a bra. The estrogen has done some work, but nothing major (sadly). I think the biggest HRT changes have been my skin and a mild amount of fat redistribution.   Today I'm wearing my cheater, I almost have cleavage! :D I need to get another t-shirt bra to keep a good rotation. I only have two, one push-up, and the rest are unlined (great for Summer, but not great for my Summer wardrobe ).
    • Justine76
      Thank you so much April! 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Glad to hear it. Abby
    • JenniferB
      I eat a ketogenic diet and have had no problems. I don't know about your case but I suspect it is the estrogen. Research the types of ways to take estrogen. Pay close attention to the bloodwork results. If they are not satisfactory, bring it up with your doctor. I take injectables, which are fully covered by insurance. It may not be the route for you, but something to consider. I emphasize to do your research and good luck. You can solve this. Be persistent.    Jennifer
    • April Marie
      I'm in a magenta blouse under a baby blue buttoned cardigan - still a little cool here in the northeast today - with dark blue jeans. Oh, and my favorite flame colored copper feather earrings.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...