"I just lost my partner, and now there is this stranger in the house"

[Guest EronoftheoneE]

I've recently come out (2 weeks ago) to my partner as trans and explained that I'm female and intend to live as a woman. She's known for sometime about my cross dressing but understood it to be a sexual fetish only. I'm responsible for her believing this because I hadn't yet admitted to myself how much more it meant to me. I've begun to dress openly around the house as a woman.

Shes said she is not going anywhere, and intends to stay. But she's feeling a great loss of my male persona and said to me "I've just lost my partner, and now there is this strange new person in the house". In a way I know she's honoring me as a woman by viewing me differently, but it's painful because I'm truly the same person she grew to love. She feels like I've deceived her and eroded trust by withholding the truth from her even though I hadn't realized it yet myself.

Has anyone had any similar experiences? Can I expect a shift? Will I no longer seem a stranger after a period of time?

[Guest EronoftheoneE]

Thank you Megan for your kind words. She has in fact referred to the stages of grief herself so I think you're spot on. I'm sure I need to have a lot more patience with her coming to terms with my being a woman, and give her space to feel her own emotions. I'm super glad that I have all of you here to share your insight and support.

-Eron

[Charlize]

My wife and I went through similar discussions. She just wanted him back again even though it was only the appearance that changed. Over time we are doing fine. In some ways our relationship is actually better. I don't lie about anything now, i can't and be true to myself. She felt i had lied and ruined her life but with time i think she understood that i had no choice and that i loved her throughout.

My gender therapist helped both of us at first as did seeing others accept the change. Give it time and you may be amazed but it does take time and a great deal of caring. At he least your love and friendship can be saved even if it is different.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Deanna]

I think Megan's post is pretty close to ours. She did have to mourn the loss of how things were. Now 15 months full time, we are still together. In a way it is like rediscovering our relationship with its new dynamics and an honesty that just couldn't be there before.

Deanna

[Michelle 2010]

Some people are rigidly locked into the gender binary and others are more adaptable. In my case the spouse found my feminine side threatening since she had her own body image issues. If you want to ease her into a new paradigm it may pay to not look better than she does. Most women are not looking for competition within the marriage for who is the most attractive. Young women learn at an early age that looks are important and they compete with each other when seeking a spouse. It can be quite unsettling to have that self image issue pop up inside the marriage... Add that the fact that some women are really attracted to classic masculine stereotypes and the problems can be challenging.

The good news is that not all women are inflexible... For me the issue of betrayal and lying was dealt with by honestly saying that I stated what I hoped was true and believed was true at the time. I found out later that it was more complicated than I knew when we first got together in our youth. It wasn't easy....

Michelle

[Guest Clair Dufour]

She did not protest when you changed thousands of diapers at all hours and helped with the housework? Some of us want to go back to the good old days before we were turned into the Parent Gender and not always as the same gender. Women do it too, toss the girly stuff, cut their hair and wear NASCAR fashion! The question to ask is. is this a social or sexual problem for you? Regardless, the answer is, we have been there, done that, now, lets find something new.

[gennee]

My mate struggled with it for some time. I was still trying to figure all this out myself. I reassured her that I was the same person but in a different package. Once she saw and observed me she accepted me as Genevieve. Now we do many things together.